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AIBU?

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Original poster

To so desperately want deeper friendships

79 replies

Jellyrose20 · 26/11/2025 19:25

I have lots of friends. But most of them are superficial level friendship where we go out as a group or text on the group chat.
I have two very close friends but they don't have kids so it draws a line in between our lives. They are amazing and supportive of me and vice versa but there's a limit.
Ive tried really hard to make deeper connections by making effort to have play dates, nighrs with no kids and to oberal keep in touch with mum friends. However overall it feels incredibly one sided and I do feel that if I didn't message them to arrange to meet up we would never see each other. They always say yes to play dates when I arrange them though (they come to the play date too) so I reason they can't really dislike me, but I can't shake the feeling that they must as nobody wants to progress deeper friendship.
I really crave some close 1 on 1 or small group friendships with people going through life as I am right now.
What can I do?

OP posts:
Fidgety31 · 26/11/2025 20:10

Most people want to meet up to have fun, a laugh and giggle , to enjoy themselves . They aren’t really interested in deep or heavy or intense - and will not respond if that’s the vibe you’re giving .

RememberBeKindWithKaren · 26/11/2025 20:08

I remember that feeling when my kids were smaller.Sorry I can't give a proper answer. Perhaps having young children is so absorbing we forget to think about ourselves. In a way ( for me anyway), the main time I get into deep conversations is when I'm in the middle of something traumatic. Have you got a good partner ? I think my life was on hold for a lot of the time my kids were young, but yes of course you do need someone who's got your back. Hope you find someone who you can engage with in this way..

Original poster
Jellyrose20 · 26/11/2025 20:04

Sillysoggyspaniel · 26/11/2025 20:01

This sounds really really intense. Deeper conversations develop with lots of time, you can't shoehorn them in or force it. Keep having the playdates, chat more with the ones you click most with, and gradually the deeper more personal stuff will happen. But if you force it people will shut down and be guarded.

Can I ask specifically what it is that's intense? This is part of my worry that I come across too intense. I try very hard irl and by text to filter it so it doesn't come across as this but im not sure how to make it not look like that. I usually only message maybe monthly seeing if people up for a meet up. Then if I don't get much back after a meet up I leave it a while so I don't come on too strong. I am so unsure how to balance it all

OP posts:
Sillysoggyspaniel · 26/11/2025 20:01

This sounds really really intense. Deeper conversations develop with lots of time, you can't shoehorn them in or force it. Keep having the playdates, chat more with the ones you click most with, and gradually the deeper more personal stuff will happen. But if you force it people will shut down and be guarded.