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Original poster

Christmas as a single mum

31 replies

Tucedocat · 26/11/2025 13:19

My 8 year old DD said to me the other day that her dad cares more about birthdays than I do as he gets her more presents. I have a good job and earn around £3000 pm, I’m in the north west. It makes me feel like such a failure as obviously the same will happen at Christmas. By the time my bills have gone out/food etc/activities I just can’t do the things that I used to do when we were together.

OP posts:
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Nightlight8 · 01/12/2025 08:51

ContinuewithGoogle · 26/11/2025 17:28

You are horrible.

The child is only 8, and her parents barely split up for a year. That's a big change.
What's your excuse?

Show quote history

This is a good example to demonstrate that even adults say silly things! So I think OP can take note of this and let it go! From her DD.

ContinuewithGoogle · 26/11/2025 17:30

Tucedocat · 26/11/2025 13:47

If I am honest it pissed me off. I thought how ungrateful are you

so she had ONE birthday since you separated? Give her a break It's hurtful to an adult but she's navigating your separation. It's not that deep, honestly.

Even with parents together, kids have the "favourite" parent of the day sometimes 😂

ContinuewithGoogle · 26/11/2025 17:28

Netcurtainnelly · 26/11/2025 14:00

Grabby and horrible.
The more she gets the worse she will get.

You are horrible.

The child is only 8, and her parents barely split up for a year. That's a big change.
What's your excuse?

hungrypanda4 · 26/11/2025 17:27

Pointynoseowner · 26/11/2025 13:33

Start by teaching her some manners

My thoughts exactly. I know she’s your daughter but it’s a very rude and hurtful thing to say. My step daughter is 8 and probably does get more from her dad but would never say that to her mum.

somethingnewandexciting · 26/11/2025 17:20

Some men do this to detract from the fact they've left the home/cheated/created a new family etc. It's a way to be Disney Dad despite all the issues they've caused. She won't see it in the same way when she is older and realises throwing money at problems doesn't make them go away. In the meantime let him spoil her, just make sure she keeps the majority of the tat at his for him to tidy.

LiveToTell · 26/11/2025 17:14

Tucedocat · 26/11/2025 13:36

I could probably explain birthdays but because they both still believe in Santa it is a bit tricky.

Tell her Santa is leaving everything at her dads for her to open 😂

LiveToTell · 26/11/2025 17:13

Nightlight8 · 26/11/2025 13:23

How long has it been just you and DD? You can do an experience day and explain that it's not all about money. Tell her she has a warm home and food on the table. Does her dad pay CMS?

To be honest, when you’re a kid “warm home and food on the table” doesn’t really cut it - they want stuff, presents to open, rightly or wrongly.

Cadenza12 · 26/11/2025 17:10

Having more stuff won't make her any happier, or any more grateful. She may only be 8 but she's not stupid. If anything I'd pare down the gift giving to make it more meaningful. I had friends whose children had so many gifts they got bored of opening them. Where's the magic in that? It sounds like she's doing well on the gift front anyway.

tragichero · 26/11/2025 16:59

Netcurtainnelly · 26/11/2025 14:00

Grabby and horrible.
The more she gets the worse she will get.

Don't be hysterical. She is a little child. They say stuff like this, they don't think through everything they say.

Nor do all adults .....

Netcurtainnelly · 26/11/2025 16:53

Eaglemom · 26/11/2025 14:40

She is 8. Its not that deep.

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Need to get it sorted now then.
I dont remember my 8 yr old saying that.

cestlavielife · 26/11/2025 14:46

She is a child
Reflect it back
"Yes you a very lucky girl to get all those presents from dad. i am so hapoy you got your new bike ! I care about you too and love you lots. we had such fun baking last week didnt we? "

Eaglemom · 26/11/2025 14:40

Netcurtainnelly · 26/11/2025 14:00

Grabby and horrible.
The more she gets the worse she will get.

She is 8. Its not that deep.

Eaglemom · 26/11/2025 14:40

Tucedocat · 26/11/2025 13:27

It’s not that I don’t spend a lot. For her birthday she got a bike and other really expensive things, her dad just wraps up anything and I think she is happier with that but I just don’t have the room for a load of crap.

My hack is to buy things that they use then you send to recycling, science kits, painting canvas', art stuff ....
All looks big and shiny wrapped up, keeps them busy for a few weeks, then its out of the house.

Nightlight8 · 26/11/2025 14:04

Netcurtainnelly · 26/11/2025 14:00

Grabby and horrible.
The more she gets the worse she will get.

This is overkill and unkind. OP has described something that seems like a 1 off following a recent split. Did you actually call OPs DD grabby?

Netcurtainnelly · 26/11/2025 14:00

Grabby and horrible.
The more she gets the worse she will get.

TheSandgroper · 26/11/2025 13:54

Christmas is huge in an eight year old’s life. Did she enjoy the arrangements last year when the separation was so fresh? Have you and ex worked out the arrangements for this year and has dd been told so she doesn’t fret?

What she said may not have been what her real problem was in her head. A cuddle and a few quiet questions might be good or ask in the car when you aren’t looking at her directly. (That’s good for teenagers, too).

Nightlight8 · 26/11/2025 13:50

She's a child though OP. She is only 8 so I wouldn't let it consume you. It's a lot of change for her a recent split and going from 2 houses. Children are ungrateful sometimes.

TheSandgroper · 26/11/2025 13:50

My dd said something ungenerous at about the same age. I told her quite smartly that I would be writing my own letter to Father Christmas detailing her behaviour.

I also pointed out that as Father Christmas lived down the road from the Easter Bunny and around the corner from the Tooth Fairy, she really needed to mind herself.

However, I didn’t have a recent split of her family to account for. If you think her comments come from continuing insecurity about her situation and big occasions, a warm cuddle might be a better response.

Original poster
Tucedocat · 26/11/2025 13:47

If I am honest it pissed me off. I thought how ungrateful are you

OP posts:
LadyKenya · 26/11/2025 13:45

Pointynoseowner · 26/11/2025 13:33

Start by teaching her some manners

This. Not crying, but letting her know that she is lucky to get presents. Some children are not so fortunate.

Original poster
Tucedocat · 26/11/2025 13:36

I could probably explain birthdays but because they both still believe in Santa it is a bit tricky.

OP posts:
Pointynoseowner · 26/11/2025 13:33

Start by teaching her some manners

Nightlight8 · 26/11/2025 13:32

Tucedocat · 26/11/2025 13:27

It’s not that I don’t spend a lot. For her birthday she got a bike and other really expensive things, her dad just wraps up anything and I think she is happier with that but I just don’t have the room for a load of crap.

Tbh kids do enjoy cheap toys and if that makes her happy I would buy a few and just get a toy box.

Nightlight8 · 26/11/2025 13:30

I would gently explain that things have changed now you only have 1 income OP. Don't overthink this though your DD is only young and kids don't always understand fully. I'm sure you are doing your best.

Original poster
Tucedocat · 26/11/2025 13:27

It’s not that I don’t spend a lot. For her birthday she got a bike and other really expensive things, her dad just wraps up anything and I think she is happier with that but I just don’t have the room for a load of crap.

OP posts: