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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think having kids is now treated like a moral achievement rather than a personal choice?

36 replies

DeftQuail · 26/11/2025 13:12

People act as if parenting gives them automatic wisdom or depth. AIBU to think the cult of motherhood has simply replaced the church?

OP posts:
Pricelessadvice · 26/11/2025 14:03

Sexentric · 26/11/2025 13:26

Nope haven't seen that. What i HAVE seen is loads of people who call children - you know, actual human beings - a 'lifestyle choice' though. Basically so.that they can use that as a atick to beat parents. Are you one if those people OP?

But it is a lifestyle choice, surely? Just as my decision not to have them is also a lifestyle choice.

Newsenmum · 26/11/2025 14:02

But it changes you completely and you obviously have different knowledge to what you did before. They are more knowledgeable about the changes they have gone through, obviously.

pottylolly · 26/11/2025 14:01

I’ve noticed that some parents of more than one often become really sanctimonious about parents who are one and done (either by choice or not) even when, in the majority of cases, they do a far better job at parenting in my opinion.

Palourdes · 26/11/2025 14:00

Amblealongside · 26/11/2025 13:53

Well, yes of course it does. I don't understand why you'd think otherwise when you're sacrificing your own self in favour of the wellbeing of your child. That's what parents do 🤷‍♀️ it's hard, but forces you to become less selfish and more mature.

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It really doesn’t.

Palourdes · 26/11/2025 13:59

CatHairEveryWhereNow · 26/11/2025 13:23

Given more people than ever aren't having kids at all and many never planned to and many are happier to be more vocal about this - I'd have thought the opposite is true.

Though if you have no kids and are going round giving parenting advice based on theoretical kids - it's likely a reponse to that.

God know if you have kids there are pleanty of people with very different kids who will give unasked for advice as well - you tend to get bombarded with unasked for opinions with motherhood.

Yes, I’d have said the same. I had my one child at almost 40, and I’m exactly the same person as before I had him. Just with a child.

Amblealongside · 26/11/2025 13:53

DeftQuail · 26/11/2025 13:32

I’m not “beating” parents. I’m talking about the social narrative, not the children themselves. Of course having kids is a huge responsibility and a meaningful part of many people’s lives. My point is that culturally, parenthood is often treated as if it automatically makes someone wiser, more selfless or morally superior, and that dynamic is what I’m questioning, not the existence of children.

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Well, yes of course it does. I don't understand why you'd think otherwise when you're sacrificing your own self in favour of the wellbeing of your child. That's what parents do 🤷‍♀️ it's hard, but forces you to become less selfish and more mature.

FuzzyWolf · 26/11/2025 13:34

I think YABU but some people like to argue to take offence at anything possible, including those who have children.

Original poster
DeftQuail · 26/11/2025 13:32

Sexentric · 26/11/2025 13:26

Nope haven't seen that. What i HAVE seen is loads of people who call children - you know, actual human beings - a 'lifestyle choice' though. Basically so.that they can use that as a atick to beat parents. Are you one if those people OP?

I’m not “beating” parents. I’m talking about the social narrative, not the children themselves. Of course having kids is a huge responsibility and a meaningful part of many people’s lives. My point is that culturally, parenthood is often treated as if it automatically makes someone wiser, more selfless or morally superior, and that dynamic is what I’m questioning, not the existence of children.

OP posts:
Sexentric · 26/11/2025 13:26

Nope haven't seen that. What i HAVE seen is loads of people who call children - you know, actual human beings - a 'lifestyle choice' though. Basically so.that they can use that as a atick to beat parents. Are you one if those people OP?

CatHairEveryWhereNow · 26/11/2025 13:23

Given more people than ever aren't having kids at all and many never planned to and many are happier to be more vocal about this - I'd have thought the opposite is true.

Though if you have no kids and are going round giving parenting advice based on theoretical kids - it's likely a reponse to that.

God know if you have kids there are pleanty of people with very different kids who will give unasked for advice as well - you tend to get bombarded with unasked for opinions with motherhood.

pinkyredrose · 26/11/2025 13:14

There have always been arrogant, know-all parents. Just ignore.