To ask childminder not to bring DS to playgroup

🙄

I think you are if he’s the only child as stated that’s a pretty isolating time for her and your son. It’s a lovely time to mingle and do some fun things. There’s always going to be bugs and we all feel somewhat like we’re flying by the seat of our pants when it comes to being well at Christmas, but at some point DC is going to go to school, work etc. it’s going to happen, or maybe not. I could guarantee that mine, one or other, or both simultaneously would be up with croup on Christmas Eve night. Not ideal. They always had a lovely Christmas Day though with calpol and lots of fluids and cuddles. The new toys were a distraction and the Christmas movies were a chill out. It’ll be five. Enjoy the build up and magic

You've just proved my point though, it is silly to compare shopping or working with adults to ill children all mingling with each other.

It doesn't matter if other adults are unhygienic, if YOU are hygienic (wash hands before eating etc) then you will unlikely catch anything yourself from them, you can mitigate the risks because you know what they are, and you will be doing that for your own children in those settings as well (shopping etc). Besides, not all those people who don't wash their hands are actually ill, or ill in such a way that it would be contagious to others, and they are actually blowing their noses, and covering their mouths when they cough and sneeze.. chances of you picking something up off a door handle and transferring it to your mouth and nose are extremely slim.

Out of a class of say 30, a certain percentage will be ill at any one time, children just let snot stream down their face, wipe it with their hands then play with toys that other children are then immediately playing with, who then touch their own mouths and noses, they pass food to each other, hug, hold hands, they cough and sneeze without covering their mouths and they are in extremely close proximity to each other (and their caregivers).. you are ill all the time BECAUSE you work in early years, you wouldn't have the same problem if you worked exclusively with adults.

So OP is not wrong to want to temporarily keep her child away from that if it is optional, it doesn't mean she isn't going to go shopping or to events where she can mitigate the risks herself.. it's just why expose your child to the risk of being ill and miserable over Christmas if you don't need to? You must know working in early years that colds and cough and illnesses are rife this time of year?

I know several childminders who operate like this. They operate almost like a midway point point between a nanny and a childminder. They charge a higher hourly rate than your average childminder, but still less than a nanny.

The ones I know are exclusively older ladies who have either been childminders for years and are now making life easy for themselves by keeping numbers really low or ex-nannies who are fed up of being employees and will take the pay cut to be in charge of their own business/work from home.

It's a good option for parents I think. Maybe something we'll see more of.

What do you suggest he does instead?
Also, is she actually a nanny, because a childminder tends to have more than one child to care for?

It’s not really a silly response, how many adults do you see going to the toilet and not washing their hands, flowing their nose and not washing hands and coughing into their hands, they are spreading germs as much as children are.

i can wash my hands etc as much as I like but not everyone does and it’s inevitable that I might touch a door handle or a counter where some clatter fit has been before me.

i work in early years and can assure you that no matter how many times I wash my hands I still end up with bugs and colds as it goes through the nursery like wildfire.

I’ll go against the grain and say I don’t think you’re BU. I had a sick DS one Christmas a few years ago and it was not fun at all.

Iam sorry but as an ex childminder I would not agree to this, as I would have had other children in my care and who would want to go to playgroup and loved their playgroups. I would be inviting you to drop off your son after we had been to playgroup if you wanted him not to attend. But I would still have charged you full fees and he would be mixing with the other children anyway who had been at playgroups and been out and about with their families anyway when not with me. I would also not be agreeing to constantly miss playgroups due to him being poorly, my rule was too ill to go out too ill to come to mine.

My thoughts exactly. When I worked as a Childminder I was always full capacity and had waiting lists. Concerning that she doesn’t.

Why does she only have one child? Going rate for a Childminder where I live is £6.50ph so she’s working for half minimum wage?! And all her running costs have to come out of that money too, thats not all in her pocket.

Honestly this sounds super neurotic.

I don’t blame you OP. Far too many selfish bastards take their kids to playgroups when they’re ill.

I was at one recently where towards the end a mother announced she was exhausted as the child she had brung had been up all night vomiting! Needless to say ds caught it and it was horrendous. He didn’t eat for a week.

Another time when I was heavily pregnant I took ds1 to one where a kid had weeping fucking chickenpox. I had to get blood tests from the midwife as I’ve never had it myself.

Seeing as your ds is the only child shes minding there is no harm in asking. I have a holiday booked next month (first one in years) so I won’t be taking ds to playgroup for a few weeks prior.

I’m sick to death of people whining on that it’s good for their immune system to catch bugs and germs. My son was in hospital on oxygen and nebulisers last month after developing a chest infection which he most likely caught from playgroup.

You can ask, but are you not going to TAKE him anywhere between now and Christmas either?

If it's a term time only one, check your term dates. Here term finishes early this year on the 19th. He could go right up to the end of term, join in all the Christmassy things and still have a full week off before Christmas day to clear any bugs.

He will miss out on all the fun Christmas activities they do at playgroups this time of year. Kids get ill. He could pick something up anywhere. Life can’t just stop.

Your child can pick up a virus from absolutely anywhere- shops, parks, coffee shops etc.
Your childminder probably needs the adult interaction from these groups too.

You can ask. She might say no. Playgroups are good for kids and it's normal for them to get the odd cold.
Unusual for a childminder to have only one mindee.

Oh come on… anyone who has to spend all day looking after a toddler knows how hard work it is. Going to play groups or soft play provides a couple of hours of entertainment and running around and is a great way of filling some of the time. Totally unreasonable to expect your childminder to spend all day cooped up not going anywhere just so that you ‘might’ avoid your dc getting a cold.
It’s actually good and normal for the immune system to develop a bit of resilience to common colds, absolutely nuts to avoid going out for two whole weeks.

I would be concerned that you are paying for a childminding service but have the expectations of them providing a nanny service - caring for your child when they are unwell and expecting to dictate their day.

I have said you are not being unreasonable- as he is the only child and I understand seeing vulnerable relatives on Christmas day (if this might be your situation too)- but I would limit the request to a week before Christmas. It's not great for her or his mental health to be stuck inside for longer really. A week is plenty. The run up to Christmas is usually a lovely time to be at the sessions and I'm sure it will help add to the magic for him!

As he’s the only child there then I think it’s ok to ask. Having said that, are you not going to take him into shops or anywhere where there will be other people?

They could be working from home.

This is such a silly response, adults can mitigate the risks of picking up bugs etc, by practising good hygeine, washing hands, avoiding anyone who is clearly ill.. most people do this without even thinking about it, no big deal.

I've always joked that these playgroups are like a centre of disease, but it's true! All sorts of ill kids get sent to them, slobber and sneeze all over the toys (that never get washed usually!), always touching each other, eating their snacks together and playing in close proximity. Comparing the two things is just apples and oranges!

Since starting school my daughter has been ill for probably half the time she has been there, all her class has.. it's just something you have to accept with kids, being together and sharing toys and not knowing how to properly mitigate risks of becoming ill is the risk you take.

If OP doesn't have to take that risk, why would she volunteer for it?

The US usage of bring when they mean take is so confusing!

We've always done this, but only when we have them ourselves, we keep them out of playgroup/softplay, in the two weeks running up to an event.

It's worked for us really well and we've always managed to swerve illnesses around important occasions.. now she's at school it's a different story, but IMO it is not unreasonable to ask the question while you can avoid illnesses.

If yours is the only child she looks after I don't see why she'd have a problem with it.

Are you and DH also staying at home and isolating too? Not going to office or shops?