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AIBU?

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Original poster

Been dumped with MIL whilst DH works on Xmas - AIBU to be pissed off?

144 replies

Otterloverfrenchielady · 26/11/2025 09:33

we had plans to be away for Christmas and New Year. MIL was joining us for 5 days over Christmas.
Had to cancel those plans, not important why but was disappointing.
New plan, MIL will come to ours, we will go out for Christmas dinner (I didn’t want to cook at home as would end up with extras coming, costs a fortune and no one ever helps).

Mentioned to DH at the weekend that I assumed he would be cancelling some of his AL as we weren’t going away now, he started a drip feed of ‘oh I am struggling for cover so might need to pop into work for a bit on Christmas day’
said I didn’t love this but understood. He also said he was working up to and including Christmas eve, I reminded him his DM was staying.

fast forward and it is now looking like he is going to be working a full or possibly half day EVERY day that DMil is here, including Christmas Eve, Day and Boxing Day.

so it will just be me and her. I like my DMil but she can be a lot, and we have VERY different political views, and she will constantly bring up politics.

Not to mention I am disabled, have an energy limiting condition and a house guest for 5 days is a lot for me, let alone one alone.

I understand it sucks for DH, but AIBU to feel like I have been dumped on from a great height here?

OP posts:
AppleDumplingWithCustard · 26/11/2025 10:46

Calliopespa · 26/11/2025 10:44

This has to be one of the most outing posts i have seen on here.

I'd ask for it to be removed- especially with the joke.

Show quote history

I don’t care. We have been split up for many years and I have no contact with any of the family.

ThatBlackCat · 26/11/2025 10:46

Why can't you spend Christmas day with your parents then?

Calliopespa · 26/11/2025 10:44

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 26/11/2025 10:35

I sympathise OP. My MIL was due to stay with BIL and SIL one Christmas. Due to a family emergency on the 23rd (SIL’s brother murdered his wife and son 😱) MIL had to come and stay with us. To say she was a pain in the arse is an understatement. She never stopped talking, would burst into our bedroom at 7am every morning asking if we were getting up. Had to be provided with snacks continuously because of her diabetes which didn’t stop her scoffing a surfeit of cakes and biscuits or whatever else she fancied. My not so DH was self-employed so suddenly decided he had to go back to work the day after Boxing Day when originally he was planning to take the whole week off so I was left with her for the remainder of the week which was my sorely needed annual leave. As murder was obviously on the family menu I could have strangled both of them.

Edited

This has to be one of the most outing posts i have seen on here.

I'd ask for it to be removed- especially with the joke.

Donnyoh · 26/11/2025 10:44

I do get that you can't bring yourself to leave your MIL alone over Christmas , OP. For various reasons although I'm one of 5 I always got the shitty end of the stick during holidays and ended up with my pleasant but hard work DM. One New Year I was so sick of always having to accommodate her that I didn't invite her. O the guilt I felt! You suffer if she comes and you suffer if she doesn't come. It must be our personality type.

Calliopespa · 26/11/2025 10:42

Otterloverfrenchielady · 26/11/2025 09:46

I would, but MIL has nowhere else to go, meaning she would be alone in another city on Christmas. I am not that heartless.

I'm glad.

Could you suggest she makes the visit shorter?

Zempy · 26/11/2025 10:39

No Fucking Way.

Tell him he either keeps his pre booked leave, or you will not be available over Christmas.

Whether that means going elsewhere or just taking to your bed.

He is a cheeky fucker!

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 26/11/2025 10:35

I sympathise OP. My MIL was due to stay with BIL and SIL one Christmas. Due to a family emergency on the 23rd (SIL’s brother murdered his wife and son 😱) MIL had to come and stay with us. To say she was a pain in the arse is an understatement. She never stopped talking, would burst into our bedroom at 7am every morning asking if we were getting up. Had to be provided with snacks continuously because of her diabetes which didn’t stop her scoffing a surfeit of cakes and biscuits or whatever else she fancied. My not so DH was self-employed so suddenly decided he had to go back to work the day after Boxing Day when originally he was planning to take the whole week off so I was left with her for the remainder of the week which was my sorely needed annual leave. As murder was obviously on the family menu I could have strangled both of them.

Coffeeishot · 26/11/2025 10:34

You have a husband problem really. I am sure he sees his job as very important but it is more important than you, you can either cancel your Mil or not but your husband isn't going to support the visit.

OurFriendJane · 26/11/2025 10:33

Duckyfondant · 26/11/2025 10:25

Are you sure your husband is not volunteering so that others can be off? In which case he could do less days. I ask because my partner used to do this to be nice to his colleagues, but it's not that nice for you

It sounds a bit like that especially when he had the time booked as AL. Is he volunteering to be seen as some sort of good guy to others even though it means you have no Christmas and have to entertain a house guest for 5 days?

Original poster
Otterloverfrenchielady · 26/11/2025 10:32

He will not repeat this, he knows!

She is fine. Doesn’t mean I want 5 days of a houseguest alone

OP posts:
MissDoubleU · 26/11/2025 10:31

Realistically he should cancel his MIL staying as he is no longer going to be available to host and entertain her. He’s changed the goalposts, so can you.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 26/11/2025 10:30

YANBU at all. My DH did similar once and I told him if he ever did it again I'd divorce him. His mother is nice enough when he's around, but she was a bloody nightmare when he wasn't.

Original poster
Otterloverfrenchielady · 26/11/2025 10:30

Ha! I can’t force someone else to do the right thing.
If I am ‘determined’ because I don’t want to leave a 75 very nice woman alone on Christmas, because her daughter is selfish, then so be it. Who would do that.
I am asking if I am unreasonable to be pissed off, not to be told to be a heartless c**t

OP posts:
Slightyamusedandsilly · 26/11/2025 10:29

Otterloverfrenchielady · 26/11/2025 09:46

I would, but MIL has nowhere else to go, meaning she would be alone in another city on Christmas. I am not that heartless.

Well, you're just going to have to put up with her then. If DH has to work as he's the boss. And you don't want to put MIL off. There isn't another option UNLESS she has another family member/friend she can go to.

I'd cancel the visit myself.

Anonanonay · 26/11/2025 10:26

Otterloverfrenchielady · 26/11/2025 10:23

SIL has no room, she has a 1 bed, and is also playing house over Christmas with her new love, so will absolutely not have her. I have 2 spare bedrooms

Well, OP, you seem determined to be a martyr about this and not put your own needs above your MIL and SIL's, so you'll just have to suck it up. Though I fail to see what will be different next year when you're planning to go to a spa.

Duckyfondant · 26/11/2025 10:25

Are you sure your husband is not volunteering so that others can be off? In which case he could do less days. I ask because my partner used to do this to be nice to his colleagues, but it's not that nice for you

MincePudding · 26/11/2025 10:24

This is absurd.

MIL is invited on the premise he is there to host. He isn't, so the invitation is rescinded and postponed "until new year" when he is around.

Tbh if he is faffing this much I'd just text MIL and say that now DH may need to work it's best she makes her own plans and you'll rescedule to do.somethi g as a family in new year.

DH is clearly intent on "not lettingpeople down" and stringing everyone along for a month until you're saddled woth eachother (and he's off the hook for rearranging).

Original poster
Otterloverfrenchielady · 26/11/2025 10:23

SIL has no room, she has a 1 bed, and is also playing house over Christmas with her new love, so will absolutely not have her. I have 2 spare bedrooms

OP posts:
Original poster
Otterloverfrenchielady · 26/11/2025 10:20

No-one drives and is a 2.5 hour train between cities. So has to be at least xmas eve to 27th due to trains.

OP posts:
Anonanonay · 26/11/2025 10:19

Hang on, so your MIL has a daughter? No way would I be spending five days with your MIL when her own daughter should be sorting her out. Take yourself off somewhere nice instead.

CactusPat · 26/11/2025 10:18

Can she do Eve-Boxing Day rather than 5 days? How near are you all geographically? Dinner with SIL Xmas Eve, then drop over to you or similar? (Or they take over on Boxing Day?)

TemporarilyCantDoMyself · 26/11/2025 10:16

Have you got any friends who might be at loose ends who you can invite over for drinks, mince pies etc from time to time over the days? Friendly women who will put in some legwork talking to MIL in the 'spirit of xmas'? Just to break up the endlessness of it, and give her a better variety of human contact?

Original poster
Otterloverfrenchielady · 26/11/2025 10:11

I have had this convo last night. His boss is now on AL until next Tuesday, so no firm answer until then.
he is fully aware that I am not OK with this, and I know he is between a rock and a hard place, but I am still pissed off

OP posts:
Original poster
Otterloverfrenchielady · 26/11/2025 10:09

Very good point. Next year I am taking myself to a spa.

I am fine being alone, I am alone at home most of the time and like my own company.

I don’t have anywhere else for Dmil to go this year, and I am not leaving an elderly woman on her own for Christmas

OP posts:
theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 26/11/2025 10:07

Presumably he'll get the New Year off will he?

In which case I would just get to DH to say to MIL - so sorry, I have work over Christmas so we're going to do our Christmas a week late and looking forward to you joining then.

There is literally no point in guests for Christmas if he's not there, it's not heartless it's just a practical delay.

He may not be able to help working, but have a firm conversation with him about clear communication - he cannot just drip feed that he has to work, it's manipulative - he needs to tell you straight that he isn't around so you can make arrangements.