Ok i should start by saying neither me or my kids are great with social situations, they sre autistic and i have the social skills of a spade - this is relevant here. Im also trying to be really vague because alot of this might identify me or her.
My kids made friends about 5 years ago and i became friends with their mother. She has ALWAYS had anxiety and some mental health issues but the last year or so its been out of control and she has been really bad.
The main issue is her self diagnosing her kids with multiple issues both physical and non physical and then limiting their behaviour to match for example the are not allowed to any sport and she insists they wear nappies at night (the eldest is nearly a teenager) There are so many examples im just really not sure what i can actually say on a public forum. But her issues are seriously affecting her kids lives she has never sought and medical attention for then despite the issues she has said they have.
Our kids are not in school but i take mine to clubs, classes, dentist, opticians etc whereas she will not , she has never taken them to the doctor for these issues and they have never been to a dentist or optician.
However, she loves her kids they are warm and fed even if a bit haphazardly i dont think they are in danger
the thing is its really rubbing off on my kids they are afraid to mention doing things in case they upset their friends who are not allowed, any meet ups they have have to be really limited because it might upset their friends mum and my kids dont understand why they have to do lessons and things in the day whereas her kids are constantly calling them and trying to get them to play online because they dont do any formal style learning.
i cant really list most of the issues here as they are so specific but hopefully this give an idea.
I am literally lying awake worrying about things, i have tried to encourage her to seek help but she just thinks im not understanding her childrens problems. Its got to the point where im just worried about my kids speaking to them as she pushes problems and her kids now do it with mine - making the autism diagnosis into a huge deal and asking about sen classes instead of the main classes we go to. My kids have just started getting stressed out by it all and i have no idea and more if its me being odd or her. I know she thinks im being judgmental when i say anything so mainly i dont.
am i being too judgemental? Is it normal for people to self diagnose thing like this? I just feel really under pressure.
I children who are older and autistic and we have alwars told them its no big deal you can do what you want still with help and tbh it hasnt been they do need help sometimes but they are at uni and college and i dont feel like they have been held back at all - my youngest who takka to her friends seems to be developing the idea that autism is bad and means she cant do things.
AIBU to be worrying about this and considering cutting down contact even thought my kids love their friends?