To think some people just look like they have it all!!

You never know. Those could have been for her sister, and she is desperate for a baby. My coworker with cancer always looks immaculate. How someone looks doesn't always show the truth. I know you know this, but please, don't put yourself down.

You don't need to have lots of money to be 'put together' nicely. Get up in the mornings half an hour earlier than usual so you have time to style your hair or put on a bit of make up. Even something as small as putting lippy on can make you feel better about how you look. I love to smell nice so make sure I spray a body mist or perfume when leaving the house. It's nice when someone compliments me smelling good. If this girl looked good in leggings there's no reason you can't look good in them too & you can pick up leggings very cheap. Just make sure any lumps & bumps you have are covered by a longish top or hoody. Never be envious of a stranger, they probs have just as much shit going on in their life as you do, they just don't show it.

Honestly don't over think it. I might see a woman in a supermarket and think gosh she is beautiful and I'd love to rock her look. However then I remind myself that I genuinely can't be arsed and much prefer sticking my comfies on to do my weekly shop. I know my interests don't lie with how I look but I have my voluntary work and hobbies that others might not have interest in.
What things about her did you like the most? Even with no money something like blow drying your hair a certain way or using a tester mascara can make a massive difference to the way you feel.

Or she probably has decent money coming in and can afford to spend what she wants.

I honestly think when you get to the bottom of everyone, we all suffer from the same human condition issues, rich or poor. It’s how we each cope with them or what access we have to coping skills. Money helps of course. But the OP seems to be imagining something innate and simply “better” about this woman.

@PunnyOliveTurtle - I am sorry you are having a tough time. MN can be a very supportive place if you are able to come back to the thread then maybe we can offer you some genuine help to get out of your current situation.

Think about what it was about her that you would like to emulate. Jumper and leggings sounds pretty achievable! Did she have highlights/straighten/curl her hair? These are all things I do myself, and they're cheap and easy. Did she have nice jewelry on? Check Vinted or sales...healthy shopping can be done on a budget as well...

You could have easily have been describing me to an extent. I don't have to keep too much track of my weekly shop (though I do as I hate spending more than is necessary), I’ve got a mulberry bag, I always wear decent perfume, wash and blow dry my hair most days and have decent clothes on. I am very sociable out and about, chat happily, smile and look happy.
but.
I have had untold trauma in my life that means I have had weekly therapy for years, and I’m not sure I’ll ever recover. No one apart from a handful of friends and my husband know how messed up my life has been because of how I have been treated. I bet I look like I have it all, but I’d do anything not to live with the mental pictures that I endure.

but whether she has it all, look like she has it all, is happy or sad, solvent or drowning in debt, you are valid in your views but maybe some small changes might help you view yourself more positively because I bet you are a wonderful person! And if you believe in yourself that will show more than a fancy handbag.

She could be married to a drug dealer,
,work as a sex escort or be up to neck in debt. Or God help us. Worst still a wannabe Ghislaine
Maxell.

Personally think some designer stuff is.a bit tacky. Resort of the tasteless with loads of money.

Well I spent quite a long time getting ready each morning - doing my makeup, hair etc. My DH watches the kids while I do this. So alternatively, the woman in the OP might just have a good husband?

I always seem to associate that annoying phrase with rich people who don’t associate money with emotions. It’s just always there and they become numb to it, forgetting that their happiness actually relies so much on their money.
Then they tell the rest of us it’s easy to be happy just be happy you don’t need money to do that for you. Lol.

Everybody has their troubles. My neighbor looks a bit like the lady you describe. Both her children are in private school. Has a huge house. Two Cars. Holidays etc. Actually she is seriously ill. Has been in intensive care this year and in an out of hospital. If you didn’t know her well you would never know.

I am lucky that I have no money problems but if you looked at me few years ago after second pregnancy you could never tell that. I was slightly overweight, didn’t buy anything for myself for years because I didn’t enjoy buying in bigger size, also I didn’t know how to style myself. I grew up poor and my mum has a terrible sense of style. On other hand my friend who’s completely broke always looks immaculate and like she’s super rich - she has an amazing style and says - my looks is the only good thing going in my life right now. So you really can’t tell by looking at someone.

so I lost all the baby weight and was finally in the mood of buying clothes. I followed few Instagram influencers who have my body type who provide links to their styling and I started buying outfits I liked - the whole compositions, or looked if I already had something in my wardrobe to substitute. I took screenshots of the outfits I liked. The girls that I follow wear Zara, H&M etc so high street and you can definitely substitute from vinted. Mainly plain colours - white, black, beige, gold accessories add to looking more expensive, wearing a belt with most of my outfits has been such a game changer. I’ve always had a good skin routine and wore spf since turning 30(long time ago🫣). Now I feel great in my body and my clothes and I’m a happy mother of 2 so I could be that lady you saw (with no drama in my life). Honestly it doesn’t cost much to look stylish but you need to commit to it, Instagram is your friend even if you buy 1 full outfit every couple of months.

I don’t think I ever look good these days 😆
If I do get to go clothes shopping I feel totally overwhelmed with different shops and choices .
I am small , size 10-12 , I don’t feel like I am in proportion and if I go to an independent clothes shop where they actually try to help you, I find that worse .
They bring all this stuff !!! but they don’t stock petite fit so the fit is hit and miss.
I always feel obliged to get something or other and then don’t wear it enough.
if I try to have a capsule wardrobe of neutral clothing I look like a wrung out dishrag
I have hair that misbehaves too ( wavy ) and my makeup I always rush doing it so it doesn’t last well 😭
It doesn’t sound like this young woman was doing anything special or wearing anything special but she does sound “ put together “

I have a woman like this on the periphery of my life - gorgeous and warm when I see her chatting to others, always dressed in a way that screams understated wealth, immaculate car despite three DC, and what I swear is the best behaved dog in the United Kingdom who is happy to stand tied outside the school gate for 450 kids to pat.

I find my reaction to her hilarious. I can't help myself. I can't even dislike her, she is middle class mum perfection personified. I found myself getting irritated that she would park on double yellows two minutes early and needed to have a word with myself.

Are you doing your sbsolute best op? Because if you are then that's all you can do, if you can't match this woman's standards ( and why should you? ) then set some of your own. Make an effort to ensure your hair is brushed and tidy every morning, only takes 5 mins, go through your wardrobe and put together some nice outfits, tops and bottoms that match and complement, then you can get dressed without thinking about it too much, make sure your shoes are always clean etc. If you feel good about yourself you'll start to look much more confident. Bet this lady didn't look so together without at least a bit of effort

She sounds like my MIL. She’s rich and always looks and smells immaculate, where as I look like I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards!

I think some people are just naturally good at styling themselves.

OP one of my customers is stunning, constantly wearing new clothes, size 6, stunning, must pay a fortune for her hair. Her house is an Instagram house, it's immaculate filled with coordinated furniture etc but.....I know she doesn't have a lot of money. She struggles to pay me every month, they can't afford to go on holiday and she's always juggling money around, sometimes her mum pays me.
I think people who are gorgeous and slim and who can put an outfit together make us feel inadequate but its not always as it seems.

For some being well presented at all times is a priority, it also helps if you have a good figure and the time and money but not always the case.

She was nice, friendly, she just likes to look her best. Quite possibly well off by the sounds of it, no one knows her circumstances.

Me, when I go out wearing my dog walking clothes to pick up a few bits, I accept I look casual, windswept hair etc. When I do it on way from work I know I look smart and business like and often feel overdressed! Xx

There are lots of ladies at my gym like this, they are all lovely and friendly, look great, seem really positive and are always off doing exciting things.

I shop for myself in Lidl and spend roughly £20 a week on grub. And it's healthy.

Someone looking stylish and well groomed doesn't mean they have it all, it just means they prioritise being stylish and well groomed.

I agree with posters saying "effortlessly put together" usually does take effort of some sort. Either they've been brought up to always think about what suits them and automatically build grooming into their daily routines. Or they more consciously invest time and money into planning their look.

I really love the glamorous Instamum look, all neutral colours, wool and cashmere, swishy hair, perfect manicure. But my attempts to recreate it are a bit meh and I'm not sure quite where I'm going wrong but I probably just dont care enough to plan it properly. I'm wfh today wearing some good quality black leggings and an oversized cream cashmere jumper and I still look like Instafrump rather than Instamum 😂 Hair dried funny as i was rushing so now scraped into a stubby ponytail. Gel nails starting to grow out/chip a bit but I'm going to try and get another week out of them because i like a bargain. This is why ...

I used to work with someone who was so stylish. She wasn't exactly "pretty" but she always looked like she had just strolled off a catwalk to meet her fans. People would literally turn their heads as she passed. Her outfits looked so put together I'm sure she must have spent a fortune but when I asked her once she told me cheerfully that her top was Primark and trousers from Dorothy Perkins. I noticed she would have different jewellery and accessories each day to compliment the outfit. I tend to wear the same necklace for weeks because I can't be bothered to take it on and off, same with handbags- have several but only swap them over every few months as it seems like a faff. It's those sort of little routine habits that can make a difference

OP I also have a £65 weekly shop budget. You wouldn’t know that to look at me probably on the food shop (unless you see my old battered car in the car park!), but I am dropping balls on work and family fronts, trying to juggle it all and doing so on a tight budget while paying down debt. So 1) you’re not alone and 2) you can never really tell from someone’s appearance or their shopping trolley what they are going through.

she might be put together on the outside but in an abusive relationship for example. I know it’s hard but try not to compare yourself. Just focus on some ways for you to feel better.

There will always be people like that. No idea how they do it.

I got asked the other day by someone I work with how I always look so ‘poised and polished’ - I think it’s learned / practiced if I’m honest.

I have horses so there are days I look like a dogs dinner don’t get me wrong, but a lot of the time I would say I am well turned out without a lot of upfront effort.

Small things are the foundation -

Nails - Done every two weeks. Always (blue toned) red. Red goes with every colour I wear. Toes done once a month in same colour but no one really sees that!

Hair - Highlighted and styled in a low maintenance style, but I am good at styling it and I use products to make it last so there’s days I can get up, shake it out a clip and it’s ready.

Makeup - I don’t wear anything else on the daily except moisturiser, mascara, bronzer, eyebrows filled and a bit lip gloss.

Skincare - keep it hydrated and moisturised. Occasional sunbed to keep a healthy glow.

Perfume - Not for everyone - but I like to smell good but I think a good skin lotion is the base. Then a good perfume if you can afford it. I actually prefer men’s stuff, it’s sharper / fresher.

Jewellery - Small, delicate, deliberate pieces that work with your skin tone. I can wear both metals so I wear silver with navy and blue, gold with green, red and tan, and either with white. I’m currently wearing a silver blue and clear stone set I got from TKMaxx for £20 three years ago? I love it!

Handbags - I have two. One Mango one that was £30 but matches most of my outfits, and a tan Fairfax one that goes with LOADS. It was a treat years ago.

Clothes - I know what colours work with my skin tone and I stick to that palette. Cool red, forest / emerald green, cobalt blue, navy, white and tan. Never purple, orange or yellow. Pink at a push has to be deep, hot pink. Then I can have a capsule wardrobe of pieces I can interchange.

I buy clothes to last. I am wearing jackets and shirts I’ve had for 15+ years. These days, I lean heavily into Vinted to buy designer stuff cheaper - but a lot of my pieces are also high street. Mango & Next are my go to’s. My style is between country chic (teeth itches using that phrase but that’s how best to describe it) and Boardroom Chic with most days being a middle ground. Currently on my way back from London wearing flared (well fitting) Mango jeans, Next heels, Lilysilk striped shirt and a Next blazer. It’s my favourite outfit, I wear it at least twice a week and it could probably be replicated on Vinted for about £40. My power suit for work cost me £50 from Mango.

And the most important thing? Confidence. Walk tall. Walk with deliberation. Shoulders back. Don’t rush, take a breath, LOOK like you have all day to do something. Trust me - those five seconds in your busy brain are barely a second in real life. Learn to communicate with intent / make those around you feel valued and important. Dont apologise for the space you take up.

In short? Act as you want to be seen, and fake it till you make it 💁🏼‍♀️

Start small. And make time for yourself.