I’m coming to terms with the fact I’m really very ugly

Have you tried hypnotherapy to build your self esteem? I’m on no way conventionally attractive but never had issues with men, you like watching sports, and baking - that’s an immediate win for most men!

Did you see how stunning Emma Stone looked in Bugonia with a shaved head? It suits lots of people. If you hate your hair try it, it will always grow back.

And I'll bet you aren't even half as ugly a you think you are.

I'm ugly and overweight too, but I've never had issues getting men. It's your attitude - very 'woe is me'.

But OP, the key thing that’s only emerged in dribs and drabs throughout your subsequent posts is not your looks but the fact that you’ve struggled with your MH, self-harming etc from at least your early teens. That’s a crucial bit of background to how you feel about your appearance right now. Working hard with a good therapist would be transformative for you.

@AutumnLeavesandKnittedJumpers I’m another one with really fine hair - I’ve got loads of it but it doesn’t ‘do’ anything! Doesn’t hold a curl, doesn’t stay in a clip, is so slippy hats slide up and off my (massive) head! I’ve had to accept that the long, blow dry styles that come in and out of fashion won’t work on me and focus on finding a cut and shape that suits my hair and my face. A slicked back ponytail/bun is my best friend on days I don’t have time to do anything else with it.
I think it’s really hard for women these days as social (and other) media present such a narrow vision of female beauty, there is so little meaningful diversity that if you don’t fit that standard it’s hard to feel like you fit in. It also doesn’t help that so many men seem to have never interacted with a woman in real life and think what Andrew Tate tells them is true 🙄
You sound like a you are smart and brave - it takes balls to walk away from a career you’ve trained your whole life for and define a new path, many people could not bet on themselves the way you have. Keep going, you can do it!

I'm not going to address the self esteem issue but on the hobby front may I suggest switching from baking to soap making? This creates a longer lasting, inedible product that has you being exposed to essential oils and still using your creative skills to make delicious (smelling) and seasonally themed products.

NRTFT but you can buy excellent wigs on Etsy. Transforms the appearance.

As it's coming up to Christmas, lots of places are having Village Christmas Fairs.. are there villages near you where you could get a stall and sell some cakes or anything else you bake? It could be the start of saving for braces....

Most people are averagely intelligent and not particularly brilliant at anything. That doesn't mean they are worthless. All humans are valuable, even the ones that go wrong, and it doesn't sound like there is anything wrong with you.

I've always been unattractive - it's my face, so there's nothing I can do about it.

It does get better as you age - once you get into your 40s, you don't feel like the ugly one surrounded by stunning people, you feel like one of a comforting, homogenous mass of middle-aged women, and you have the bonus that you aren't bemoaning the loss of your looks, no longer getting male attention, as some women do.

As for men, you just need to find the right one. Look around you - you will see plenty of conventionally unattractive women who are partnered up. My husband is no looker either, but we've been married 20 years. You are doing the right thing by making connections, sooner or later you will find someone who is 'feeling it' and wants a relationship.

Keep on with your weightloss journey and congrats on your loss so far. At size 16-18 there should be plenty of flattering clothes you can wear, and when you reach your goal, the world of clothes will be your oyster. Then, you will look good in everything and you'll feel much more confident in the way you look overall, and really take pleasure in dressing and looking in the mirror. You can do it!

I think it's normal after a massive weightloss but not slim yet to feel this way. Keep losing weight dropping to a size 10 or 12 will make a huge difference as in the eyes of society you are still overweight. You could take a loan or monthly payments for your teeth as you are working credit agencies should accept you. You could wear a wig or cut your hair in a way that flatters it most.
This is like hitting the wall in a marathon, just keep pushing. You're only 26 it's too early to give up. Plenty of people change their mind after their degree or decide to retrain it's not a waste of time, education is never a waste of time. A lot of your talk is frankly nonsense depression BS. Do try therapy, it's exactly for people like you.

Here's my twopennyworth.
Forget the gym. Save the money (put it in your braces fund?). Join a park run group. People rave about them. And maybe a hiking group.
If they don't float your boat, there are other group activities you can try - a book group, a board games group, a team sport or badminton/tennis / whatever club.
I really think you need to get out there and be in the world. Let people see that you're funny or quirky or interesting - or all three - and allow your confidence to build.
As my boss recently said to me, 'Don't get in your own way.'
Once you're feeling happier about yourself, it'll be time to take the working world by storm. You can do this, honestly.
And I'd give OLD a wide berth. It's brutal at the best of times and I think it brings out the worst in men. Build up your activities and you'll meet people IRL and gradually build up a social network.
Would you consider creating an action plan and sharing with us? List all the big steps you need to get to where you want to be, and break each one down into achievable mini steps.
Good luck.

I’m going to be blunt as someone that was told they were attractive and is now middle aged and not attractive.

Get on with it as things guess worse. In the last 5 years as a family we have dealt with metastatic cancer, muscular dystrophy (me), foot amputations, family estrangement, heart attacks before 58, work bullies, black depression.

Life has more to delight you with so find what you enjoy, do it, value friends and family, enjoy health that enables you to get out and the rest will follow!

I beg you get out and get on with it in the best way possible

You say you are on jabs. Did you feel this negative about yourself before taking them? Negative thoughts can be a side effect of mounjaro.

I'm quoting this because I love this reply, you articulated what I wanted to say about relationships so well! They are not the be all and end all, I would have 'contributed to society' much more if I was single.

OP, I have never posted on Mumsnet despite reading it every day for years but had to post. I have had counselling for smaller problems and counselling training and this is absolutely what therapy is for! Person centred therapy is what helped me.

Also you mention a bad experience at university and it sounds like you might need to talk about that with someone as well as everything else.

Check out the work of Aubrey Gordon and her amazing film Your Fat Friend, people's worth should not be tied to their weight and it is appalling that the doctors you have been to about your mental health have not helped you but sadly unsurprising, it's a reflection of medical fatphobia but you deserve better. Aubrey has not let being fat stop her from doing amazing good in the world.

Please don't fall into the trap of thinking you have to wait until you look a certain way before your real life can begin, attractive people aren't any happier, I promise you. Also your worth isn't tied to your wage, some people who are paid more money than you do a lot of damage in the world, sometimes I think just not doing harm is a high enough goal.

You mentioned you were thinking about stopping the jabs and I think if it's taken away a source of joy for you then it might be worth taking a break. Joy is hard to find in this world and it's healthy and normal for food to be a source of pleasure.

I think a lot of this is in your head, and it must be awful for you. I have no doubt that you believe it. However, I go to two gyms and objectively there are some extremely obese (far, far bigger than you) and very unattractive people who attend and I have never, ever seen anyone stare or laugh at anyone. Women use the swimming pool, spa etc who are so big that they need help to walk (I am not exaggerating) and nobody laughs at them.

I think your self esteem is so low that if anyone laughs around you, you assume they’re laughing at you. I genuinely don’t believe that they are. People who use gyms tend to be supportive of those starting their fitness journeys.

Equally, as others have said, the fact that you believe you look the same minus 150lbs really does suggest this is a self esteem and body dysmorphia type of issue more than anything.

You will not be alone forever if you don’t want to be. But right now, you need to focus on being kinder to, and working on liking, yourself.

I agree with the PP who said she’d never seen an ugly person.

also, men have been arrested for having sex with the exhaust pipe of a car and a pile of leaves. I guarantee you’re more attractive than both of those things.

agree with all the posters saying your self image is the problem.

Self esteem doesn't really change by looking conventionally attractive. It's much deeper than that. I'm (or used to be!) pretty but it didn't impact especially how I felt. I know similarly with other objectively "hot" people. Equally I've dated men who have been on the outside unusual looking but had bags of confidence. So my point is a) I doubt you're unattractive b) don't believe that's a golden ticket to happiness c) I think therapy, happiness, hobbies are what you need d) 26 is young. Please try and focus on the present as you've years to meet someone

I'd suggest a) shedding your remaining excess weight (you have done amazingly well, you are nearly there!) Getting down to a healthy weight is one of the best things you can do for yourself, your health and appearance. Your features will almost certainly look very different and better when not blurred by fat; and b) getting a good haircut and keeping your hair very short.

Some of the most attractive people I know aren’t conventionally beautiful, but they might have an amazing smile or a lovely personality and that overrides anything else.
Looks fade anyway.

You need counselling. I also think a new wardrobe would also increase your confidence.

have you checked with your GP for signs of depression?

i would second therapy. I have done psychoanalysis (look for low fee training institutes) and it has transformed my life. I have better friends and more confidence in myself and i like myself more (i am “pretty” but had such a level of self hate that i was alone too with no friends).

you could look at invisalign for your teeth they offer payment plan i heard
you could look at Mounjaro to lose extra weight, some people have felt it boosted their confidence
id go for therapy first if money is tight though

@AutumnLeavesandKnittedJumpers

Im not going to deny your lived experience and say "oh im sure its fine".
I csn relate to a lot; wtf am i doing with my life, the shit hair the bad teeth and losing weight but still looking terrible.

what i will say is i personally would ditch the extensions and £50pm on nails and use that money to go see a good orthodentist.
I had train tracks at 26 and they were TRANSFORMATIVE. Im 40 now and its still some of the best money ive spent.

Most dentist do credit or payment plans.
Start looking today and bin off the nails and hair (they arent "serving you well" anyway)

The weightloss is incredible btw. Keep going with it.

Equally my career was shit at your age... i kept plugging and made a plan to "get out"
In terms of your job maybe worth looking at either private nursing or moving into injectables

Good luvk

OP I do know what you mean as 5 years ago I was in a similar position to you as to how I felt about myself. I was deeply lonely, lived alone and had suffered 3 major bereavements very close together. Here's what I did :

1. Booked private therapy (I took a loan to do it)

1. Started volunteering at a local charity shop on my day off from my job and on my annual leave/bank holidays. I was a fragile mess when I started, and tired as I was not having any time off but I made new friends of all ages and had a laugh, someone made me a cuppa etc
2. I did volunteering at my towns foodbank as they do one off volunteer days. This helped me mix and have a laugh as well. Lots of very nice older men who looked after me and were great.
3. I joined a local meet up group. It was hard and I hated every event I went to for about 6 months as it felt like too much effort, and that friendship didn't come easily. Then it suddenly clicked and now I've been on weekends away, girly nights, coffees, pub nights and I've made real friends

The final step for me is dating which I'm starting in January.
You can make your life better buy its hard work but you feel so proud of yourself when you do it.
5 years ago I was on the top of a car park in a very broken state. Tonight I'm going to a meet up party and I can't wait to walk through town to meet all my friends in the christmassy pub. The bit I'm looking forward to the most? Waving to them through the window then going in. 5 years ago this was a dream I had when I felt so lonely. Change is possible but you need a plan x