I’m coming to terms with the fact I’m really very ugly

OP, there are loads of MNers rooting for you. Start being kind to yourself xx

it's your attitude not your looks. I'm sorry but you are draining, drowning in negativity. You could put a positive spin on something.
Negative energy is extremely unattractive.
Beating yourself down.

I’m not good at anything other than baking

If you're good at baking, why not start a cake baking business? My daughter pays over £150 for her daughter's birthday cakes.
It could be the boost to your self esteem that you need.

Have you had your hormone levels checked?

Could you refer yourself for NHS Talking Therapy in your area, OP?

https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-services/find-nhs-talking-therapies-for-anxiety-and-depression/

How are you friend wise OP?
From what you’ve written is very looks based, you don’t need much money to get a new look! Do you have ‘pretty’ friends you look up to and who could help with a new look and you feel better?

Absolutely, losing 150lb is no mean feat. You can do hard things xx

Honestly OP the only unattractive thing I hear in that list is how mean you are to yourself.

People pick up on vibes. If we view ourselves as less then we act like we are subconsciously and that kills attraction. So I’d guess that’s what’s happening with the dates.

I feel like if you became your own best friend and showed a little love towards yourself the world would follow suit.

Best advice I can give as a fat girl with glasses and a too big nose and hairy pcos chin that I battle daily, (who married a 6’8 rugby lad that used to date actual models) is to put your focus into valuing who you are. Honestly it’s not looks that will make you a great partner or mother. It’s courage, empathy, grit etc.

1. delete the apps for a few months
2. Get a note book and write down 10 good things in every day- doesn’t matter how minor.
3. In the same note book 10 things you like about yourself everyday- no matter how minor.

A few years ago at my lowest ebb - I did this and even though it was hard I rewired my brain to be kinder to myself. It started with hard to write lists and became changing my language in public and stopping constant self depreciating humour.

Finally. You lost 150lb you don’t do that without grit, determination and strength. You walked away from a career and took a leap of faith into something that would make you happier. That’s courageous as hell, so many people live their lives miserable and trapped.

Please take the time to see the good in yourself. Others will too if you do.

Are you insane? Children don’t pay for their dental care, it’s free on the nhs. She won’t have qualified because her teeth won’t have been deemed crooked enough, not because her parents were idiotic enough to have a child when they couldn’t afford thousands of pounds in dental costs. How ridiculous.

One of my best friends is stunning, like stop and stare stunning. She is miserable, has awful anxiety and panic attacks and her last boyfriend cheated on her repeatedly and since joining an online dating site she has been ghosted by several men, the last one just didn’t turn up to the restaurant.
being attractive isn’t the best all and end all. I have fine hair, can’t keep a curl- so I don’t curl it, I don’t give my hair a second thought once I’m out and about. I’m overweight but I work out and I’m active, I had a load of shit boyfriends but found someone when I thought it was never going to happen. Everyone thinks I have great exciting job - I hate it and it’s making me ill. My point is everyone no matter what has shit they don’t like / things that make them unhappy. Being pretty / slim/ successful career doesn’t change that!!

This is absolutely true! You don't have to change the world, but little actions can make a difference and make you feel great about yourself. I bake cakes for Cats Protection fundraisers and foster cats and kittens. Am I changing the world? No, but for a handful of cats and kittens, I am changing their world. And that makes me feel great.
Try starting with something like that, and I promise it will creep into other areas of your life in the most positive way xx

I get that you want to defend her, but she failed you in that respect. I'm not saying she was a bad mother in all respects, but she (and your father!) had a responsibility to fix your teeth and they didn't do it. I can see from your posts that you have a hard time seeing yourself as worthy, and that will partially come from upbringing. All the stories we tell ourselves do.
I have maybe in some ways the opposite problem to you in that my parents were always pushing me to excel: I had certain gifts and a certain appearance that they thought was worth investing in, and it took me a long time to work out what I was aside from the idealised image they projected on me.

Its a saying as old as time, but your health is your wealth.

I used to worry about similar things to you, and it got me down. But this year I have had a life changing health issue and my life will never be the same again. I wish with all my heart I could go back a year and give myself a talking to.

If you have a body that works and moves, friends and a roof over your head, life can be good. Enjoy the quiet times in nature, a good bake, a good show on TV. It's a far better life than many have.

Absolutely, by definition, most people are absolutely average, and therefore there will be people below average and people above average. There is nothing wrong with that.

100%, read the book 'Women don't owe you pretty.' It took me a long time to accept that it is not mandatory to look a certain way. It's easy to get sucked into thinking this, looking at social media, but in the real world, most people are just normal. And that is absolutely fine.

@AutumnLeavesandKnittedJumpers have you thought of working abroad?

My friend felt like you she went out to work for a charity in Uganda. She was respected for her skills out there. She met a Ugandan who loved the bones of her. They married and now have a family.

You are really unkind to yourself! Sort that out first, as a priority. If you spoke to someone else that way, you'd break their heart. If you spoke to them like that all day every day, it would rightly be considered the worst kind of abuse.

You don't deserve to be spoken to that way, OP. You don't deserve cruelty.

What's more, it doesn't help. You can't bully yourself into a better life.

You can, however, love yourself into one.

Here's a small, tiny, truly tiny thing you can do: make a promise to yourself that every time you look in the mirror, every time you catch your reflection, you will give yourself a smile. I know you won't feel it, it won't be a genuine smile at first. But do it, every single time. You're going to retrain your brain to stop hating and punishing yourself. It's slow, but it works.

You’ve lost 150lb! You’re amazing! You’ll look immeasurably different to when you were larger, there’s no way you won’t. The problem is not your looks its your self esteem. I know even without seeing you that there’s nothing wrong with how you look. Big hugs x

So many great suggestions here for you and so many supportive strangers. You are worthy and that is evident from your posts.
Ill say it again- you can get out of this mindset - and carry on with the glowup why not?

Unlikely anyone even notices you are there.

A good thought to keep in your head is you are not that important that everyone is looking at you. Most people in the gym are concentrating on themselves and trying to avoid seeing themselves in the floor to ceiling mirrors.

Call a therapist ASAP. Your negative view of yourself will put men off. No one wants to be around someone so miserable sounding.

I am so sorry you feel this way. You sound like a nice person and probably quite fun to be around because you have interesting hobbies (I can't say I watch sports, but I love baking and hiking!).

I am quite a lot older than you (old enough to be your mother) so perhaps I can offer some hope that things do get better as you get older. If you are anything like me, you will go from really hating yourself to actually quite liking yourself as a person and enjoying your own company. You will then attract people without even trying.

Something you can do in the meantime which really works, I promise you: speak to yourself as if you are speaking to yourself as a little girl. You will only want to say lovely things to a younger version of yourself. Good luck, and hang in there xx

💯