I’m coming to terms with the fact I’m really very ugly

Go into town and look at everyone properly. Look at the couples and families. The streets are filled with perfectly average people.

Also, plenty of real life men like big girls.

You need to work on your charm.

"Charm is the ability to make someone else think that both of you are pretty wonderful." - Kathleen Winsor

You are well above average academically.
You have a high capacity for workload if you did all that AND worked AND handled MH problems.
You are persistent - see weight loss, and a department store stylist can help with clothes to flatter your new shape
You are kind - see attitude to parents.
You are fit - see hiking and gym.
You bake - what's not to like!
You have straight hair naturally - mine is also fine and a frizzy rat nest. Give me straight any day.
You have teeth that weren't bad enough to qualify for NHS braces so cannot be that bad, and can still be sorted. As could your nose. My eyes are at different levels, can't fix that!

You sound bloody amazing to me. And still only 26.
Get yourself off social media and the illusion of perfection it is creating in your mind. Looks fade, personality grows, so focus on that.
I started traveling solo at around your age, it forced me to get myself out there and start seeing the world, even if you start small with a weekend in UK. Join a hiking group, sign up for GBBO, try anything new and see what sticks. You will find your tribe, and maybe within that tribe, a partner. But by then, the goal is for your life to be so full, that you don't care either way if you do or don't.

Here’s my truth, @AutumnLeavesandKnittedJumpers
I was a national beauty queen (back when those meant something). I’m kind and funny and charming to go along with my face.
Are you with me so far?
I’m also just a girl like you, who looks in the mirror and sees every flaw and wrinkle and grey hair and imperfection.
Every girl is like us.
I met a charming man, a Navy pilot. He’d been married twice before, but I didn’t let that stop me. I married the “Naval Avaitor” and didn’t think much about the man.
So our first two years were good - he was at home and we were happy. But then he got out of the Navy and found a job flying for an airline in another state - but he insisted that I stay home and keep the home fires burning.
That went on for quite awhile and he came home less and less - but he told me he was working. I believed him. I was foolish.
Out of the blue, he called and told me he wanted a divorce, but that he wanted to keep things as they were.
Now, I’m not stupid. I figured there was a woman, and I wasn’t going to be humiliated.
So I filed for divorce.
It infuriated him - he kept me in court to the tune of $85,000 in 1993. That’s $190,575 in 2025 in attorneys fees.
It turns out he didn’t just have a woman - he had a toddler as well.
What I’m trying in probably a lousy way to say is, you can be a beauty queen and STILL a man will treat you like shit.
I’ve been single - and extremely happy - since 1993.
A man can’t make you happy. A man can’t complete you. You have to do that on your own.
Sending love from California ❤️

There is something to be said about attractiveness vs beauty. I went to see a musical recenty and the leading man was not handsome, but the way he sang and acted he was very attractive.

I agree with others and there is work to be done on how you feel about yourself. If you don't like yourself, you won't look after yourself and then you end up hating your self even more.

I found working with self compassionate exercises have really helped me become alot less judgemental about myself. They sound really stupid at the beginning but they help stop the bad feelings which breakes that cycle.

Your body does incredible things to keep you alive, its an amazing thing to own.

Seems like you are trapped in a cycle of negative thinking.. you are getting lots of helpful supportive posts but slamming them down with the same ‘I’m no good’ replies

Dare I suggest you stop feeling sorry for yourself

HI @AutumnLeavesandKnittedJumpers your posts about yourself feel honest, but you minimise the +ves about yourself.

You have great academic achievements, yet refer to yourself like you're an average Jo. You are not.

You say you have no skills but have changed career because you knew you'd chosen the wrong thing to do - you're 26yo. Most people don't do this during their lifetime!

You say you have no skills, but that you can bake - do I wish I could - and it's a great skill. Other than bringing food into work, could you use it to create a side hissle - making pastries/pies/quiche/cakes/cream teas/speciality breads or whatever you think you're best creations are? It would help you meet more people and/or fund invisaligns.

You say you have a big nose. Go get some make up lessons to mask the features you dislike and accentuate those you or others like. Have you seen make up less famous people? Few are attractive!

You persevered and lost a lot of weight (well done) but you look the same as you did before. But you don't look the same, I promise you. Stop hiding behind baggy shapeless clothes. Book a appointment with a stylist at John Lewis ask for help to pick a capsule wardrobe. They will help you choose the right shape for you and if you don't like anything (or it's too pricey) it'll have given you good ideas about what types of clothes to buy.

There really are few people who are truly ugly. If we think we're unattractive, then we are unattractive, so we have to bend our mind to help us. Tell yourself you are pretty. Pick out specific features you have that are good, checks, lips, eyes, ears etc and complement yourself.

Please show your teeth when you smile, if you don't you may cause your face to contort.

Ref your hair, mine isn't quite like baby hair but since I had a hysterectomy it's gone very fine so is fly away. I use Wow to condition my hair and stop it flying away. I use Charles Worthington thickening products to add weight to it. But like you I find extensions do the trick. So, if you can't beat em join em and accept that.

My niece told me she'd never meet anyone. She thought she was uy. But she was beautiful inside and wasn't ugly outside by a long shot. I told her she would and he'd be there soon and he was. Happily married with a DD and she still remembers it was me who helped her think differently.

Keep your chin up.

You owe noone anything but you owe yourself everything. Believe 😘👊

Op, you just sound…um..,ordinary. Like everybody else. I understand that your generation are under a lot of pressure to look like drag queens. You could do face contouring and wear very long false eyelashes like others do but it doesn’t sound like your style.

I really doubt that a 150lb weight loss isn’t noticeable.

The baking sounds great but can be isolating and dangerous if you eat what you bake all on your own.

There are so many people in your predicament who also have very low self esteem. There will be one such person at every single social gathering you go to. If you look around while you are out you will find that person. Because you know what it feels like to be uncomfortable I. Those events you can go up to them and make them feel better about themself - and may end up making a friend. Give it a go.

I am skinny and quite good looking but this is the way I’d think/talk about my body, life and opportunities in times when I’ve been depressed.

I sometimes fall into this “all/nothing” thinking and “worst case scenario/doomed” mindset. What I mean is I might say, I dislike these things about my appearance therefore I’m UTTERLY ugly and will NEVER attract anyone. My job is not top tier thus it’s Totally unimportant. There are lots of false deductions here.

This is why therapy is not a ridiculous idea. Nor a waste of anyone’s time. You matter and your well-being matters. You will find that these somewhat unimportant details like not liking your hair points to larger patterns of thinking that is keeping you in a cycle of negative thinking and depression. You’re loosing hope about life and your future. That being said, I never found a great therapist and had to figure things out bit by bit.

Also, I am good looking but I wasn’t ever asked on a date until I was about 24, never had a boyfriend either. Partially guys are just really lame nowadays and don’t formally ask you out. Also, I was probably too deep in my self pity bubble to notice any attention. At 26 I felt it would never happen and I had a really bad relationship where I compromised my integrity in a wish to feel loved. Statistically people marry and have kids late so don’t think you’re behind. I married at 28 and soon have 3 kids at 37. So a lot can change in just a few years for you.

Finalky, I wish you were my friend so you could help me bake this weekend. I have a thanksgiving party coming up and I’m terrified because I’ve never made pumpkin pie before.

Can get braces on Groupon or teeth done in Turkey.

Ooof. I think you need to focus on your mind - therapy and / or Sertraline, whatever is feasible. There's no need to spend your life being unhappy like you are! And additionally positivity is attractive, unless a person happens to be as stunning as Your Woman in Twilight, when you can pull off a pouty "mysterious and tortured" vibe. So maybe 5% of population.

Do you have children? If not, you must at least be purt and in control of your urinary continence! No-one appreciates it, until it's gone. You can also save up to get your teeth / nose done, if you're that bothered, as your money is your own. Maybe go abroad (somewhere reputable, obviously!).

Lastly, a lot of blokes seem to be fun for a bit, then slowly stop bothering and become generally disagreeable and hard work (even if you're a stone cold fox). I really wouldn't pin your self worth / ability to feel happiness on their moods, because you're setting yourself up for misery, even if you do get a good one. Don't know whether that cheers you up, or makes you feel worse! Sorry if the later. Either way, it is true x

I have never met an “ugly” woman who couldn’t get a man if she wanted one. Granted, the men were much uglier than them - there are an awful lot of very ugly men out there. Take your pick.

It sounds like you might have come from a family like mine where criticising of your looks and person was the norm. It was done in my family both blatantly and very subtly and although I was (I can see now, from photos) an attractive young woman, I also grew up feeling ugly because of this. Your parents failed you in this, as did mine. They did it for their own reasons, but they were not good reasons. Part of growing up is starting to find your own definition of yourself, outside of the pernicious messages heard in childhood and beyond. It may be a long journey, but it's worth it.

Most people don’t have special talents. Stop being so hard on yourself. You are a talented baker and you have the perseverance to lose a huge amount of weight. I expect you have other lovely qualities too, like being a loyal friend or a reliable colleague.

Op forget about the dating you need to concentrate on you. Teeth a brace could you pay monthly? Lots of people do not tie their hair up. But you can colour it and change the cut. But most importantly your self worth and mental health need working on first. I would seek out a therapist for a first step.

Congratulations on your weight loss. That’s a huge and valuable achievement. You can keep it going.

Prople really don’t go around judging whether others are objectively good looking or not. Mostly, people read body language, but otherwise only notice if someone is particularly inappropriately dressed or wearing something super lovely. So, as you lose more weight, you’ll feel more confident, stand taller and look and feel great.

Princess Di had a wonky nose, yet everyone thought she was beautiful.

Please listen to your self-talk. The way to really hear it is to imagine you are saying these things to a dear friend or loved family member.

You wouldn't talk like that to them. You would think it incredibly cruel and heartless and bullying. So please recognise it is harsh and bullying to talk about yourself in this way.

Things I could say about you - not even having met you, which are more loving are: @AutumnLeavesandKnittedJumpers is phenomenal - she has lost 150lb. That is a remarkable achievement and there is no easy way of doing this – so whether it is by dieting or injections or gastric band - she has shown incredible self-discipline and focus on her goal and I admire her immensely for that.

Does reading that sort of thing make you cringe? because if it does, you need to work on talking to yourself with this level of kindness and respect until you have normalised it.

You can't possibly look the same at size 16 that you did when you were twice that weight That's distorted thinking. Buy yourself some good jeans and cords that suit your body type, a couple of well cut jumpers in gorgeous colours, get your nails and brows done, and experiment with some make up that adds definition and colour to your skin.

Your looks aren't stopping you from meeting a man, your self-talk is. I have known loads of women who are far from conventionally attractive, who are in happy long term relationships. or who successfully have flings. What they have in common is a bit of positive energy about themselves and their power to attract people.

Yes, you absolutely can, and no, it's not a piss-take. You sound like you're in a lot of pain and that's not trivial, it's what therapy is for.

You are entirely focused on the negative aspects of your looks, to the exclusion of any positives. This is totally understandable, many people, with, say, a nose they hate will feel just as bad about just that one aspect and won't be happy until they get it fixed.

You are only young. You can make short, medium and long term plans to get yourself to a place where you are as happy with yourself as you can be.

You need to change the things you can change (keep losing weight, hair extensions, payment plan for teeth, save for nose job) and get counselling to help you learn to focus on your attractive qualities instead of solely negative ones. I refuse to believe you lack any attractive features. You just can't see them because you are focused on the things you hate.

Confidence is very attractive. Walking tall, smiling, walking around like you are gods gift shows on you. Shrinking away, hunching, not smiling, apologising to the world for existing, make even beautiful people seem unattractive.

You can improve this situation, only you can..but it is in your gift..
Start now, and make future you a happy glowing 40 year old queen!

@AutumnLeavesandKnittedJumpers

I want you to apply for this job. Just because you have to start somewhere and learn to dream.

"Associate Lawyer Job in Makati City - Jobstreet" https://ph.jobstreet.com/job/88744760?type=standard&ref=search-standalone#sol=bbb12e5a3b77a3baac12f047a21e1af9536872bc

@AutumnLeavesandKnittedJumpers i also think you need therapy .
I miss my nhs job can’t go back due to health .
Go on to you tube and follow “kinging it “ and watch there journey from the start. Amy has fine hair and is starting her own wig range.
Genuinely makes me want to purchase some wigs. Is this an idea ?
Id also continue with the gym , although can’t believe people would laugh .
I also think well on anyone “bettering “ themselves.

I haven't read all the responses but I've read all your posts and here are my thoughts:

Come off the apps for now. You can still have getting a partner as a long-term goal, but focus on yourself for now. My worry is that even if you get a partner now, your self-esteem is so low that you would put up with anything from a partner in order to keep them, and that's not healthy.

Yes, you can go to therapy for feeling this way and you should.

Start saving for braces. If you're good at baking, can you start a side hustle making cakes? Or baked goods for busy parents who don't have time/aren't good at baking but want their kids to have homemade treats in their lunchboxes? This would give you something to do in your spare time and extra cash to put towards your braces. Your parents don't have to pay for your braces but ask them for cash for your birthdays and Christmas. Put this towards the braces also.

Join a walking group, etc. as PPs have suggested.

I'm sure many people here will try to console you and tell you it's not as bad as you imagine, but I don't have time for that and will take you seriously.

First, forget your hair. Even if you're right, it's common and inconsequential.

Second, the one thing you should save up to spend on is your teeth. I know that teeth aren't emphasized as much in the UK as the USA, but they can be crucial, not just in terms of romance but in terms of your job. Do you have student clinics attached to dental schools, where they might be able to help more cheaply?

Third, I doubt you look the same with the last weight - that's amazing, by the way - but try to think of that as your new foundation. Are you exercising to make sure the weight comes off in the right places? Remember, things won't automatically look good on you just because you weight less. You still have to shop and choose carefully. Keep up the good work and don't be discouraged.

Fourth, we all want to be pretty, but don't convince yourself that that's the only factor. Maybe people aren't interested in talking to you because, well, maybe you're not interesting. Make sure you're a good conversationalist. Make sure you're knowledgeable, so that you have a lot of conversational fodder. Make sure that you at least SEEM happy and approachable, not with a gloomy hangdog look. Think about avoiding dating apps, because those will be based on looks. Try to create a non-romantic social life as a starting point, to create d wider social circle. How about having a Christmas party?

Best of luck.

Just to point out the obvious - your mum has similar teeth and it didn't stop her marrying and having a family. So there's no reason to think it would stop you.

Op, this problem you have can be solved.
take steps towards changing what is in your control to improve your confidence.

you can definitely find help to fix your teeth, a beautiful smile really does help, make that a priority

you did well losing 150lbs, so keep going and lose a bit more until you reach your ideal weight

work on improving your career opportunities, it’s not about being highly intelligent, it’s about resilience, effort, determination

lastley, I woukd really recommend finding a sport you can practice regularly with other people, for example running is really great, there are people with all abilities and it helps so much with boosting the feel good hormones

you can do this!!!

You sound very down which means you will only see the negatives about yourself. You have lost a tremendous amount of weight and that is something you can be proud of.

I understand your situation with your teeth as I had crooked teeth until my thirties when I earned enough to finally pay for braces. Is there any way you could finance braces yourself or ask your parents for a loan for example? They may not want to gift you the money but may be in a position to give you an interest-free loan. If not, could you get a loan from a financial institute or find an orthodontist who can bill you progressively rather than all in one go? There may even be a credit option with some orthodontists.

In relation to your hair, it may be hereditary but it could also be dietary if you and your mum eat the same foods. Iron and vitamin D deficiencies are common causes of thin hair in women. It may be worthwhile getting a blood test to see if you are missing any vital vitamins and also ensuring you are eating foods that are essential for healthy hair such as eggs, chicken, lentils & salmon.

I was anemic most of my childhood because of a poor diet but only realized this in my late teens after I donated blood and didn't get my period for months.

What about joining a club or taking up a new hobby or volunteering for a charity etc to meet new people. You have a lot to offer and have your whole life ahead of you.