Is this now normal 8/9 year old girl behaviour?

My DD is 12 and not at all. In my experience it's the kids with phones/social media who get sucked into this especially the Sephora nonsense. Do a lot of these kids have phones?

We didn’t see any at age 8/9 but my boys all commented during year 5 and particularly year 6 about how bad the girls were. Constant drama and falling out, sounded like really horrible stuff and made me very pleased I didn’t have girls. It then seemed to improve for a few years before kicking in again. My friends daughter is now at 6th form, coming up 18 and it’s all starting again. I’m horrified at the things they say and do to each other. Where’s the girl power gone and women supporting each other.

Oh give over, did you not see the sheer amount of commenters bang on about their "year insert number" children? Do you really think people outside of England should have to then count up every single time to work out their children's actual age range, when it would be so much easier for them just to simply state "my 10yr old", or "my 6 yr old", etc.?! I wasn't even referring to OP, as she actually stated the age in her post, I was referring to the many people replying who only put the English school year down. This is the problem on so many UK based sites, the majority just assume everyone is English/in England.

Skin care yes at 8 and crop tops indoors only !!!

but not horrible or bitchyness

equally loves baby’s /dolls and has a special one and wanted a highchair /cot/buggy etc for her for Xmas. So that’s her main pressie

This is girls. Not all sometimes just a few i within a group.
Boys on the other hand are generally much more interested in what they are doing rather than who with.

I’m in Scotland, so that is our p5: girls around 8/9/10.:: and yes, this was when the bitchiness started. It actually was a lot calmer and less bitchy in P7

The op literally states the age of year 4 kids as 8/9, therefore it doesn't take a genius to work out year 5 is one year older, year 6 is two years older.

It's so hard to follow threads when people comment referring to English school years, instead of the actual ages of children, as per the OP!

Not everyone knows the ages of children for each English school year! And not every country in the UK uses the English school year format!

But in answer to the OP, I sadly noticed some of this behaviour from my 9 year old girl, and she's not even at school, she picked it up from a mean girl she knows from a club she attends. Fortunately that girl has left recently, so my daughter is now no longer being mean to her sibling, but she's still make-up and Sephora obsessed - sigh.

The areas I work in are not like this sadly. In a class with 17 8/9 year old girls only 2 asked for toys for Christmas, the rest want branded skincare, branded clothes and technology.

The local Brownie group is similar with only one child getting a toy as their main Christmas gift a few years ago, all the rest got phones or tablets. At the Christmas party less than 5 were in party dresses, the rest were in crop tops and mini versions of adult clothing.

In my experience as a teacher of this age group you get girls like this who are generally the strongest personalities in the class. You also get girls who are genuinely lovely and never seem to fall out with anyone.

Then in between are the girls in the middle who are more like the kind girls but want to be liked by the cool girls and that only leads to continual heartache for this group. They are always seeking validation from the cool girls, sometimes they get it which often leads them to drop their real friends for a short period until they are no longer flavour of the month leaving them with nobody and friendships to patch up.

At other times they seek validation and don’t get it, leaving them at best humiliated and worst the subject of persistent (and usually very sly, underhand) bullying. If your DD is in a class like this the best thing you can do is encourage her to be friends with the genuine girls and enjoy the activities she likes, not the ones others deem to be acceptable. Can you set up some play dates with classmates who aren’t being mean?

This is interesting! In DD's year 4 class it was a mix - a group of "older" girls who were into makeup and seemed to have a lot of friendship dramas, and the "younger" acting girls who were into creative activities and sports. Things seem to have settled down in year 5. DD considers crop tops scandalous!

God i am so glad i live in a naice boring village

No-one gets a phone before secondary and there's a growing trend for dumbphones til yr 9

No one allows primary or even early secondary kids near any social media, they are not allowed on tiktok/insta/youtube

The girls seem completely oblivious to makeup and skincare

Just as with the mums (and not just mums!) some obsess over make-up, gossip, boyfriends, and some love reading, sports and helping people.
Probably fair to say more mums buy expensive make-up now than when any of us were in primary, though.

In year 4 with my DD we had a lot of chats about:

• what makes a good friend
• why it’s important to stick up for friends and not be a bystander
• how to stick up for yourself
• self- esteem and confidence building

Both for boys and girls Y6 is horrid. Too big for the school and ready to move on with hormones kicking in. Y4 is a bit young for it in my kids school.

This is so sad to read :(

They seem far too young to be this bitchy and catty. Isn't this what high school is for?

Not in my experience, teach 10 and 11 year olds . Maybe two have phones. All get on great. Play tag and chasing in the yard or make up dances or plays . Maybe into skincare at home but certainly no mention in school and on a recent no uniform day most (both boys and girls) wore jerseys leggings and hoodies.

Some days the boys are the source of the fighting some days the girls.

Was talking to my sons girlfriend about the mean girls she left behind when she went to university. Most stayed behind and got jobs locally. They're still bitchy and disappointed in their lives.

Mean girls tend to not fare well at university she said because they can't find a new tribe. The students being too diverse geographically and nationally.

I thought the boys were bad in yr3 when there was physical violence. That worked itself out.

Then I've seen the girls and thought, that's a doddle to deal with compared with the nastiness they have. The girls in DSs class are unfortunately a lot like as described in the OP. Constant major drama.

There's definitely a link between the worst offenders and phone usage. I thought DS just had to roll eyes, ignore and keep out of their way until one of them decided to go through a graphic list of ways she'd like to kill the kids in her class that she didn't like. Of course she denied it... And school just shrugged their shoulders.

She's super middle class, teachers pet and thinks she's Queen of the Class. If she'd been on free school meals I guarantee it's been handled differently.

She is the very epitome of all those mean girls in American High School coming of age movies.

She's a truly awful child.

Thank fuck I have a boy.

They still have a dress code for Mufti at our school so crop tops are banned anyway (ours is middle school yr 5 - 8 ). Seems a sensible approach.

For my daughters this really started in year 5, where the bitchy manipulative behaviour started and you really started to see the cliques forming. Fortunately my older daughter didn’t really get involved, but was on the receiving end of a few bitchy comments, she basically stuck with her mates. I think the best solution is to encourage her to find her people, those who share interests and values, and build those relationships. It’s never too early to learn to be who you are and don’t pretend to be someone you’re not for popularity.

My two year 4 grandchildren, odd bit of nail varnish now and again. Not bitchy but very confident. Won an argument with her grandfather recently. She was in the right. I was very amused.

My friend went to loretto where the nuns would scrub your face if they suspected a speck of makeup 😂

Not normal at all OP. Nothing like this 10 years ago when my own DDs were this age.

I feel sorry for these girls, they should be at Brownies or swimming or playing a musical instrument or running around with friends or just being silly with their siblings - not fretting over lipstick and their appearance FGS.

Turn off the Wi-Fi!! And get them busy with hobbies and activities and friends.

Year 4 teacher here - yes it is. I've taught this age for around 10 years and find it's usually the point when the girls start trying to work out their place amongst their peers and plenty of drama ensues. So much petty squabbling and alleged dirty looks or arguments over who is BFFs with who this week and whispering together whilst looking over at someone but definitely not talking about that person behind their back and we've no idea why she would think that, honestly Miss!! I feel like I spend more time trying to sort out social situations than teaching. The skincare / makeup thing is quite new and seems to just depend on the class - I had girls last year who had mini fridges in their bedrooms for their products but this year, not a single one who's interested.
I try to teach team building and looking out for each other but I think it's also important for children to know how to walk away from situations that make them unhappy, where possible. It's a really tough one and, although I think I'm pretty patient and generally good at this side of things, the same problems still manage to crop back up time and time again 😬