Is this now normal 8/9 year old girl behaviour?

I teach this age range and in my experience it varies massively class to class. Some Y4 classes have real friendship issues and unpleasantness which takes a LOT of my time trying to sort out. Others much less. Sorry I can't more helpful

You’re right nor does it account for people that may only speak German too or people with a low reading age.

people talking about England on an English website? The absolute audacity!!

What a bizarre response to a quick reply from me.
Along with details from my sons, I saw first hand what was going on, saw the girls upset, spent evenings with their mums (my friends and relatives) and I can assure you I’m not resorting to any such stereotypes. The girls were and continue to be horrendous to each other - fact. The way the 17/18 year olds have carried on has blown my mind.

So yes, massive apologies to you and all females out there if you feel my my personal relief at having boys that weren’t anything like this, only having to help others and not see my own children go through it was somehow holding the women of the world back.

Drama often happens at that age, would depend on family life to whether or not makeup and comments about appearance etc were brought up.

I think it’s very common for girls to be really horrible to each other by that age, but definitely not normal for 8 and 9 year olds to be buying skincare and using makeup.

I hate that people normalise this behavior, or the 'wait 'til their teens' comments, as though girls being horrible to each other is par for the course. It's not and the ones that are like this are swallowing one huge mouthful of patriarchal bullshit that will fuck them up for years to come. The question is, who is force feeding them this shite?

I feel so sorry for those poor little girls, their childhoods have been stolen from them. Shame on the adults who have allowed that.

Thankfully it’s behind us now, but definitely. 9-12 year old girls can be little vipers. They’re all hitting puberty at different times so it’s very easy to be called babyish if you’re one of the later ones. My foster DD went through it all in Y4/5 and sadly (for her, because men are gross and she had a rotten time) she looked about 20 by the time she was 13.

Their bodies and brains don’t keep up with each other. The hormones are raging and now we have social media, filtered images and AI to make it so much worse than the early 90s when I was in it myself!

Zero tolerance on bitchiness, I’d say. You don’t tolerate bitchiness from a tween girl towards you or anyone else and likewise we as adult women need to make sure our DDs don’t tolerate it from anyone else.

What would “slutty” clothes be for an 8/9yo?!

As a teacher, yes. Girls are horrible to each other at this age. Nasty comments, leaving others out all very normal sadly. So annoying and tedious. The skincare thing I don’t think is normal at that age. More y7/8 id say from experience.

No sign of it in my daughter or her friends (they're 8 mostly) so I don't think it's typical. They're all just obsessed with Labubu and Minecraft.

“Slutty” clothes? I mean I’m not the biggest fan of clearly adult styles on young kids but that’s just a bit much. Casting aspersions and slurs about different choices is exactly the kind of behaviour you don’t want in the kids.
I’ve not got my Y5 a phone either as tend to agree the bad outweighs the good but people all have different circumstances and what works for one family won’t for another and it’s never as simple as just do exactly the same as someone else and have no issues

Yes ! And definitely worse in year 5 and 6. I’ve noticed it varies with schools and fortunately they’re in the minority at my son’s primary but they’re still there . I feel lucky to have boys but even they get have had the mean girl treatment from time to time. He’s in year 6 now and has a phone for practical reasons . The nastiness in the WhatsApp groups is vile sometimes

I only have boys myself and have never experienced anything like that with them. They rarely ever fall out with each other and there’s never any drama.

My DSD however has constant drama and falling outs with her friends which did start around the age of 8 and has continued for the last 4 years. And yes, all obsessed with looks, clothes and makeup.

Some years after my son left primary he told me that one girl in particular used to be really nasty and bullying to another classmate because they were a bit short for their age. I was really shocked because I honestly thought she was a lovely girl (her mum always seemed so nice, though we were only on nodding/good morning terms). This girl was smart, pretty and popular and from what seems like a loving family. I just couldn’t understand why she would choose to bully another kid. I still see her mum and dad around locally, though haven’t seen the girl since primary (she’ll be mid twenties now). Her mum probably never even knew.

Just don't give children phones or buy them slutty clothes and make-up.
Rise above the BS.

(yes I have girls)

I have a year 4 boy and I hear a lot from the girls’ parents that there is some friendship drama.

Also - I’m in London and the whole Sephora and skincare and social media / screens for children thing is VERY out of fashion here. Parents do not allow their children to get involved in that stuff.

There’s also drama with year 4 boys. But then there was friendship always drama! Even in reception! It’s kids trying to work friendships out.

I’m in inner London so you might expect more issues with growing up too soon but not a bit of it. No makeup or skin care amongst any of DD’s peers (and it’s 3 form entry so pretty big). The girls are past toys I think but there’s still some imaginary games. Play dates are mostly crafting / listening to music and making up dances. I haven’t encountered any bullying but there’s a lot of falling out, big emotional melt downs etc. I do think it’s a tricky transitional age but for us it’s not been too bad.

Think it depends on the cohort - DD1's cohort have been a bit "squealy hen night" from the outset and got into the skincare (in a mild - "lip gloss and moisturiser" level) fairly early on (and as her mother I have never been IN a Sephora so she didn't get that from me and I usually look like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards), but the inter girl bickering was lowish level, led by one complete pain in the arse in the year group, and seems to have settled relatively quickly - but did tend to kick off around that age. DD1 continues to be much more open to peer pressure (mitigated by a spectacular intolerance for anything she views as idiocy)

DD2's cohort were younger natured - but they were fucking foul getting towards that age - to the point we ended up moving schools, and it was really really led by the mothers intentionally excluding the parents and kids they took a dislike to - poor autistic DD2 with an autistic mum had no fucking chance and it got absolutely vicious at that age. That particular cohort don't seem to have improved much as they've got older, but DD2 has found a tribe she seems to gel with as she got into secondary age.

Whatever about the teddy rabbit thing, and 8 year old watching peppa is out of the norm unless ND. Not worth bullying anyone about but her peers will find it strange because it is strange

My 7.5 yo DD still happily watches Peppa/Bluey etc (along with some more mature stuff.)

She plays with toys still and I have just had to Google Sephora as I have never heard of it!

My DD is a wonderful happy child who likes horses, sports, riding her bike, crafts, playing with Sylvanian Families and Barbies. Long May it last.

Most of her friends are similar. There is one who is trying to be a big cool but I’m not encouraging that friendship.

Likewise 9 year old girl here and all the girls play with dolls and make believe and watch bluey. Love the fact all the children in the school are children

I have a year 5 girl and was told it was normal the nastiness towards each other from year 4 but not had anything yet. The children don't have mobile phones and no make up etc unless it's painting nails at a party which my daughter has twice now since year 4. Doesn't sound normal in my experience but no idea if it's across the country the same.

Bit early. We had issues from about y5

Yep this was normal when I was at school years ago. I got in with the nastiest girl as a result, to prevent her from picking on me.

It’s interesting to read about the influence of older siblings. I hadn’t thought about it before, but DD (age 10 and in Year 6) is in a class where most of the girls are the oldest, or only children. A couple of the girls have older brothers, and one of DD’s friends has an older sister (who is into Doctor Who and Studio Ghibli films, and not interested in fashion and skincare according to their mum).

DD hasn’t had any of the friendship issues in the past few years, apart from the occasional minor falling out. None of the girl in her class are into skincare/ make-up/ following fashion trends, and I would say very few, if any, have their own phones. The school is a smartphone free school, and other parents would be disapproving if you allowed your child access to social media like Instagram and TikTok.

It seems like it’s very much dependent on the class culture and parental culture.