DH said I’m not a very likeable person?

Don’t look inward, that would be to follow his misdirection. Look outward - at your nasty, belittling, unloving husband. Want to spend the rest of your life with that?

It sounds that he said something hurtful to you as a way to change the conversation.

Does he not want to talk about finances for some reason? That is concerning.

Changing the subject is concerning.

Being horrible to you is concerning.

Claiming other people dislike you is concerned. If it was true, why is he suddenly bringing it up now, and in such an unhelpful way?

If there were some truth in what he said, then a caring, loving partner might say "I think when you do X it might rub people up the wrong way", or "you could have maybe phrased things better in X situation", or something actually constructive and helpful. Instead he chose to be an absolute arse - in the context of a conversation about sorting finances fairly....

He sounds horrible.

Same.

Unreasonable of a partner to say you are unlikeable and expect to stay with you.

It sounds like he made a personal attack to deflect from you asking him to pull his weight financially. Nasty.

That’s deliberate emotional abuse and belittling. What a twat.

I strongly suspect @Mrsaskalot that he turned the conversation nasty and personal because he didn't want to continue the conversation.

Is he deflecting do you think?
Like in an argument when other stuff gets dragged up or ancient arguments get brought up?

He has definitely got you talking about something which is not the subject "How to make finances more fair"
Why has he done that? Did you ask him to pay more towards something eg kids clothes/xmas costs/grocery bill?

Sounds to me like a twist on the 'you should be grateful that I'm with you because nobody else would have you'.

Has he always been an utter tosser?

It sounds like he’s trying to dismiss your suggestions and insulting you as a way of lowering your confidence/distracting from the discussion. Unless you were giving advice on a social situation then I don’t see how it was even relevant to the conversation.

@Mrsaskalot
How did your conversation about shared finances turned into discussion about personalities?
Were you disagreeing about something? it sounds like he was feeling defensive, and doing the typical pointing the finger that men do when feeling cornered.

As to the content of what he said - you seem to actually know it about yourself - you say yoi are not great with people. Clearly it follows that people ‘are not great’ with you… And you say it doesn’t bother you that you don’t have friends.

So - I think you are not questioning the content of what he said - but rather the reason for bringing it up. And on that - it’s hard to say without more context. Or, making conclusion that he lashed out because he felt cornered over something.

Not sure if it’s somehow unforgivable and divorce-worthy. But this is MN and won’t surprise me

What a nasty thing to say to someone he's meant to love. You shouldt be with someone who thinks you're unlikeable

My ex told me that our mutual friends couldn't understand what he saw in me. One year later, I was reminded of this when one of those friends told me that they'd never understood what I saw in him

My ex told me that our mutual friends couldn't understand what he saw in me. One year later, I was reminded of this when one of those friends told me that they'd never understood what I saw in him

That's a horribly unkind thing for him to say. How would he know whether other people find you likeable? Does he spend a lot of time bad mouthing you with family and friends as an invitation for them to tell him what they think of you?

Someone only says something like that to hurt someone and undermine their confidence. Unless he makes a spontaneous and heartfelt apology I would not be able to forgive something like that. Your life partner is supposed to be your champion not a saboteur. Adults know to think before they speak because things said in the heat of the moment can't be taken back. Your husband is an arsehole.

This. Strikes me it's something he made up to hurt you or was yours a shotgun wedding?

Why did he marry you, then?!

Finances are joint in a relationship, especially in marriage.

He is an arse. And not very likeable, I am guessing.

Yes, the reason is that he is a prick.

I would tell him that’s fine, he’s not likeable either & you will be happy when the divorce is finalised!

What a arse.

My ex husband used to say things like this regularly.

Note, ex husband.

What do you want to do about your DH, OP? There are always options and yes I agree with a PP, he said it because he didn't like the direction the conversation about finances was taking. Nasty.

It sounds like he's projecting. Someone who says things like that to their spouse is the 'not very likable person'.

We're you asking him to contribute more?
Is this the first time he's been such a prick or is this one of many similar incidents?

Everyone has their moments and it's those that family tend to see. Your DH is a bit of a pillock. Probably people think he's great but you know otherwise too.

Well, it was a deeply unpleasant thing for him to say, as was the crack about you being ‘on the spectrum’, but you seem to indicate yourself that you think there’s some basis to it, by saying you’re ’not good with people’?

Sounds to me like something he pulled out of the bag to hit you with in order to shut down the conversation about your joint finances.
It's very cruel and mean and, yes, unforgivable.

@Starzinsky the only reason someone would say something like this is to be unkind and purposely cause hurt. It’s not like it’s constructive criticism!

I would ending the marriage if my husband said this