MIL never buys presents for grand kids. To not want to buy for her this year?

Only if the biscuits are stale!

No presents for any adults, kids only with a limit on spending for each child

Dh an take the kids to see his mother if she won’t come to you and you do something else

Yes you're doing the right thing to take a step back and stop wasting money on them. They can hardly complain!

Old and frail should have nothing to do with it, we have an elderly relative who has lived in homes her entire adult life, she no longer mobile but insists she’s taken to the shops once a month now, it used to be to be more, her careers take her and her sole purpose is to buy the children in the family gifts. When she’s too unwell to go she tells her carers or extended family what she wants to buy the children and they do her shopping for her.

It sounds like mil just dosnt give a shit. I could understand if it’s a family that dosnt give gifts, that’s fine, don’t give any but they shouldn’t except any in return.

id also reduce visits to when it suites you, if she can’t be bothered to visit that’s on her but she see her grandchildren when you want, not her.

Stop buying her stuff. Have the kids make her a card and a little decoration. If she picks you up on it, say, I thought that this was the way you preferred it.

It’s so unusual as grandparents normally like to spoil their grandkids . I would save your money and not buy . If she says anything I’d just say you noticed she didn’t give gifts and you thought you were possibly upsetting her by giving them .

Yeah knock it on the head op

life’s too short to make efforts with people who can’t be fucked themselves even if it’s family

ive stepped back massively the last few years funnily enough from family members similar and I do t give a shit to be honest.
if the kids don’t have much of a relationship
with her that’s not your look out it’s hers.
she doesn’t sound that bothered to be honest anyway so don’t put yourselves out.

it’s a lovely feeling

Has she been invited to your home? This is all very odd. She isn’t much older than me, I can’t imagine behaving so oddly.

Your DH is entitled to visit his mum and you are equally as entitled to take a giant leap back and not visit her or keep your visits to a few a year. You don't have to make an effort if it is never reciprocated. You don't have to fall out with her, just put in as much as she does. I'd certainly not be bothering to purchase gifts, your DH can do so if he wants, but you don't have to have anything to do with it.

What’s her background? Has she ever worked? Had a career?

I would probably just gift some biscuits or similar

Op my mother is mean too kids get nothing.. I def dont make a big fuss now re gifts. Hurtful though isnt it.

sod that for a laugh. No, don’t buy them anything.

How utterly odd and sad. Does she accept the presents you give to her? If so, she’s not ‘anti-presents’. And yet it doesn’t prompt her to return the thought?
The answer is to just stop buying her anything or acknowledging special occasions for her, no mention of it. Just stop and see what happens.

I does seem strange, but at the same time some people and some families aren’t big on presents.
Her son should perhaps have a conversation with her.
You’d be completely reasonable not to buy her presents. If her son wants to then that’s his business, but you don’t need to have anything to do with it.

When she sees the children is she interested in them or is she not fussed?

Do they do anything else? Money on an account? Spend time with them? Take them out?

Stop wasting money on a present for her! She gets no pleasure in gifting so stop doing it. Also it’s not your family dynamic to navigate. Leave it with DH

Stop making an effort with presents for her and visits to her as she makes absolutely no effort at all.

She sounds very rude and ungrateful.

Why are you even asking? Presents aren't compulsory, she's clearly not into them and as your MIL not your mum she isn't even your responsibility.

I suspect you weren't actually thinking you needed validation for your choices but just wanted people to chime in to tell you how awful a person she is.

They aren’t a family of gift givers by the sounds of it, so I wouldn’t bother buying for her. Is your relationship ok apart form this?

She doesn't seem to be a gift giver and would likely be very pleased if you stopped dishing them out.

She sees the children every fortnight. Do they have a good time with her? Do they love spending time with their gran? If they do you should continue taking them to see her. Time spent together is more precious than any material gift.

At the same time not all Grand parents are interested in their Grand Children. Perhaps they would all be happy if you just left her alone.

Follow her lead. It seems like she's been very clear about having no interest in your kids, and doesn't value gifts, so you don't need to give her any thought.