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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think getting up as a guest at 5.30am is too antisocial?

211 replies

LoisLaneKent · 25/11/2025 12:14

Once or twice a year, I host a friend for up to a week because she is travelling from a distance.

The last two times she has stayed with me, she has left on a Saturday morning at the crack of dawn. The first time it was to catch a flight but the recently it was just to meet friends in another city and screwed up my sleeping pattern that weekend (with earplugs!).

Am I AIBU to ask her to change her leaving plans in future or should I suck it up and I'm being a moany host!

OP posts:
AutumnLeavesFallingFast · 25/11/2025 12:39

No matter how quiet she was, she'd wake me & I wouldn't get back to sleep, BUT it's a couple a times a year!

why not just ASK her next time to make plans to leave a bit later if possible? Use your words & stop expecting her to be a mind reader. It possibly wouldn't dusturb/bother her if someone did this, so she's not aware you consider it inconsiderate.

Original poster
LoisLaneKent · 25/11/2025 12:37

@toomuchfaff I think it was messing about in the kitchen that did it, i assume she was filling and putting on the kettle. I am a light sleeper which obviously doesn't help.

OP posts:
schoolfriend · 25/11/2025 12:36

LoisLaneKent · 25/11/2025 12:26

I suppose part of me thinks - she knows I'm working all week. Yet she always chooses to leave on a Saturday, early, when I could do with a lie in.

When I am at hers, I do get up in the morning sometimes but not at stupid o'clock. I don't want her to feel unwelcome either though.

Can you have a lie in the next day ie. on Sunday?

To be honest this feels like a total non-problem to me but then I have had about 3 lie ins in 5 years. Even before kids I don't recall being this precious about missing out on a couple of hours sleep one morning.

toomuchfaff · 25/11/2025 12:34

deleted duplicate post

toomuchfaff · 25/11/2025 12:33

LoisLaneKent · 25/11/2025 12:19

@FunnyOrca last weekend it wasn't for a flight. It was just to go and meet other friends.

I had been working all week and was really tired. She'd been chilling and having dinners out with mates all week.

Edited

So id be stating, if youre leaving at 5am, do it with no noise. Dont wake me up, we sat goodbye the night before and uou get up and out quiet as a mouse on departure day.

If an adult cannot get up, ready and depart in silence - they need to work on their self awareness

Zov · 25/11/2025 12:33

YABU. I thought you were going to say it's been every day for a month!

Picklemysink · 25/11/2025 12:31

Sartre · 25/11/2025 12:28

I’m guessing she doesn’t realise she woke you up. Just have a word so in future she’s quieter or leaves a little later.

Exactly this. This could be solved with basic communication.

Picklemysink · 25/11/2025 12:30

LoisLaneKent · 25/11/2025 12:26

I suppose part of me thinks - she knows I'm working all week. Yet she always chooses to leave on a Saturday, early, when I could do with a lie in.

When I am at hers, I do get up in the morning sometimes but not at stupid o'clock. I don't want her to feel unwelcome either though.

It's once or twice a year! I don't think it would occur to people that missing one or two lie ins is a big deal.

You need to use your words and tell her you'd prefer she didn't leave a early.

Original poster
LoisLaneKent · 25/11/2025 12:29

@TwistedWonder that's how I feel sometimes. A hotel!

She spends part of the week with me and the other part seeing other people. That's ok but some consideration needed imo.

OP posts:
amber763 · 25/11/2025 12:28

Eh I think youre being unreasonable. Just go back to sleep or suck it up. You can't really dictate when she gets up or leaves. Just ask her to keep it down a bit or dont have her to stay.

Homegrownberries · 25/11/2025 12:28

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/11/2025 12:26

It’s her house! The friend doesn’t live there! OP has no duty to “suck it up”. How entitled.

Show quote history

Who is entitled?

Sartre · 25/11/2025 12:28

I’m guessing she doesn’t realise she woke you up. Just have a word so in future she’s quieter or leaves a little later.

TwistedWonder · 25/11/2025 12:27

For a flight fair enough but maybe are needs to sort her schedule out better and not use you as a hotel room with an early checkout

feathermucker · 25/11/2025 12:27

2 mornings per year? I think you need to suck it up

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 25/11/2025 12:26

Maybe she thinks she is being considerate leaving early to give you your day back?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/11/2025 12:26

Homegrownberries · 25/11/2025 12:24

It's one or two mornings a year. Suck it up.

It’s her house! The friend doesn’t live there! OP has no duty to “suck it up”. How entitled.

Original poster
LoisLaneKent · 25/11/2025 12:26

I suppose part of me thinks - she knows I'm working all week. Yet she always chooses to leave on a Saturday, early, when I could do with a lie in.

When I am at hers, I do get up in the morning sometimes but not at stupid o'clock. I don't want her to feel unwelcome either though.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/11/2025 12:26

I think it’s up to you whether you continue to host her. You’ve got no obligation to do so.

Or you could say, I’m happy for you to stay over but not if you’re leaving before x time, as it always wakes me and I need my rest at the weekend.

I don’t think that would be unreasonable.

If she can’t creep like a mouse she can’t expect you to host her on her terms.

EBearhug · 25/11/2025 12:25

I have a friend from NZ who often does this - I am conveniently close to Heathrow in comparison with all his other UK places to visit. He always warns me. Sometimes I wake, sometimes I don't. I've know him over 40 years and I only see him every 4 years or so, so I live with it.

If it were for a flight, it's probably unavoidable.

I'm fine with it once or twice a year, if it means I get to see a friend rather than not. If it doesn't work for you, then you need to say so.

Picklemysink · 25/11/2025 12:25

I think she probably didn't think it would wake you up and is imagining that she can just slip out.

Perhaps she thinks you are good enough mates that being briefly woken up earlier than ideal once or twice a year isn't a big deal.
Have you told her that it disturbs you or are you silently seething with resentment, expecting her to psychically know this this bothers you?

NovemberRedHolly · 25/11/2025 12:24

I love when guests leave super early in the day.

Homegrownberries · 25/11/2025 12:24

It's one or two mornings a year. Suck it up.

gannett · 25/11/2025 12:23

LoisLaneKent · 25/11/2025 12:20

@Ineffable23 she doesn't expect me to get up - but she still woke me up.

Because she was being thoughtlessly loud, or because you're a light sleeper?

Getting up and leaving early isn't antisocial. Banging around loudly at 5.30am would be. But if she's doing her best to be quiet then she's not doing anything wrong.

PuppyMonkey · 25/11/2025 12:22

If she’s got plans, she’s got plans. As long as she lets you know beforehand and maybe tries to be a bit quieter, you’d be a bit of a twat to get narky with her about this.

BillieWiper · 25/11/2025 12:21

If she's noisy enough to wake you up then it's a bit out of order.

That early she shouldn't be shuffling round making breakfast or using the shower, putting on radio or telly etc.

I wouldn't mind someone leaving whenever they want though, as long as they were quiet.

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