to think getting up as a guest at 5.30am is too antisocial?

Also, I'm sorry for your loss.

I suspect you weren't emotionally (or physically) ready to host at all, but couldn't cancel on her with so little notice. So you probably didn't enjoy her company as much, little inconveniences affected you more than usual and as you've said your sleeping pattern's gone to shit anyway. I think you need to chalk this up to everything happening at the wrong time and take the time you need to mourn (and get your sleep patterns back).

If she is using you as somewhere to stay, she needs to ensure you are not woken early. No toilet flushing, kettles etc. Or to leave later when you are up. Other than for a flight, what is the hurry? Sound a bit obsessive to me.

Negotiate better in advance.

Tell her what dates / days suit you to host her and spend time with her. Push back against anything that doesn't work for you.

If it matters to you tell her you can't cope with 5 am starts so plan around that.

If I was that tired i would go back to bed after she left but if you are worked up about it that is hard.

I mean, you just need to talk to her and say what you'd like.

If I was staying with a friend, I wouldn't want to impose on them 100% of the time - I'd think it was polite to get out of their hair a bit. It sounds like she's balanced spending time with you and allowing you your own space quite well.

I also wouldn't think getting up and leaving early would be inconsiderate, as long as I was quiet in doing so. And it wouldn't occur to me that anyone would be woken up by a kettle - even DP, who is an absurdly light sleeper, isn't woken up when I put the kettle on early.

If you're unhappy with any of that you need to communicate it... I don't think she is being thoughtless or inconsiderate.

Just ask her to be mindful of the noise in the morning as you want to sleep in. Tell her to fill kettle and set out breakfast the night before. If she doesn't know she wakes you then she wouldn't know that she needs to be more quiet.

Do you actually spend any time with her ?
are you starting to feel used?

So she uses your home as an Airbnb so she can socialise while you’re working then come Saturday morning when you’re free, she’s off at the crack of dawn?

She sounds like she’s using you rather than visiting you tbh

I quite like it when people leave early. Like when DP has to travel for work and leaves before it's light. I feel like I have won a couple extra hours in bed on my own!
Re-frame your thinking. Don't change peoples plans!

Just tell her that she’s waking you and you struggle with that after a hard week at work, so could she please leave later on the Saturday (give a time) or on Friday evening.

She probably doesn’t realise she’s waking you.

You mention that she's out for dinners with friends etc.

Is part of the problem that it feels like she uses your hospitality as a crash pad for her socialising and then hurriedly leaves when you can actually relax and spend time together?

But if she couldn't get to the event without leaving early what did you want her to do? Do you think she shouldn't stay with you and then go meet up with other people? I don't think that's a completely unreasonable position, but nor is it the sort of basic etiquette that doesn't need saying. If you don't like her visiting you but then leaving early in the morning you need to either tell her or just stop hosting her entirely. Presumably in this case if she had plans to see other people then if you'd asked her not to leave early she'd have not stayed with you on the Friday night at all. I can't work out whether that's actually what you want?

Sorry for your loss, OP. I assume your friend knows about the bereavement? Did you or she consider that she might change her plans to allow you some space during this time?

I find it a bit strange that she was staying with you and spending time with other people while you worked. Did you get much time together? If not it seems that she is just using you as a free bed & breakfast.

You should definitely only agree to future stays on condition that she doesn't leave early on a weekend morning.

so she hasn't really come to see you, she's just used you as free accomodation?

I have an occasional house guest who likes to get up super early. I give her a key and tell her where the local cafes are so she can go out for a run and have a coffee if she wants one (we also have breakfast and coffee supplies at home but she likes a cafe one first).

It's one day, once or twice a year.

Can't you just ask her to be quiet, and to close the door on her way out?
What's the worse that can happen?

Or don't invite her to stay.

Flights are often unsociable times. Short of asking her to use a hotel for the last night not much you can do about that.

meeting friends is more unreasonable

If she is really noisy then I would have a word with her. I would imagine she was pretty noisy for even a light sleeper to be woken when wearing earplugs. Personally I don't think you can dictate when she leaves. I'd go back to bed and try to sleep or relax.

Honestly it’s better than people who linger around for hours and outstay their welcome.

If she’s got onward plans that require her to get up at that time then what are you expecting her to do? I thought you were going to say she’d got up at that time and started doing a les mills dumbbell workout in the corner of your room.

If you’re that intolerant of other people in your home twice a year then you need to just not host.

Just say the night before you're looking forward to a lie in as you've been busy all week so can she be extra quiet when leaving and then say your goodbyes before bed.