to think getting up as a guest at 5.30am is too antisocial?

Eh? Just roll over and go back to sleep when she's gone surely?

But it’s not friendship if that friend is not socialising with her host is it?

Sounds like you really resent the fact she is ‘on holiday’ while you are working. Perhaps you resent that she has free room and board - does she reciprocate from where she lives so that you get the same perk? If not, in future when she asks to stay, just say no. It doesn’t work for you.

Sometimes I wonder if the people posting here understand what friendship is.

Haha me too!

For one morning every couple of years, can't you put up with it?

I no longer stay away as my sleep pattern is completely broken down and I just sleep when want to. I dont stick to any routine.

You could ask if she was planning to lgo early. In which case leave her something for breakfast/tell her to help herself. But you wont be getting up at that time so have a pleasant journey and be sure to close the door.

Agree with this. She’s using your hospitality for her convenience not to spend quality time with you.

You need to tell her midweek doesn’t really work unless it’s preplanned and you can get time off work. Otherwise invite her for the weekend to spend time with you , not just use your time as a free base for her social life.

Once or twice a year??? It wouldn't bother me - I'm awake by 6am most days anyway.

But I suppose you have to work out whether her friendship is worth two mornings a year of earlier than usual waking ...

I think the issue is the coming in the week thing. She's not actually spending time with you, she's crashing at your house, presumably eating your food and using your water and electricity, then leaving as early as possible when you have a day off to spend with you. It seems like she just wants a place to stay, not actually to see you. I think you need to be firm.

"Sorry, Mon-Fri doesn't work for me as I'm working. If you'd like you meet me for dinner one evening or come to stay on Saturday, it would be lovely to see you."

Honestly this is so churlish. Either host because you enjoy her company and do so without resentment or stop hosting.

Then calm down and stop getting in a tizzy over such a small thing.

My heart absolutely BLEEDS

Jesus....first world problems personified

If I was the friend I wouldn’t be staying over ever again if it was raised. I wouldn’t fall out over it though, just never stay again as I would feel unwelcome. Sounds like that might suit though.

You're a very light sleeper. Your friend is not being antisocial by getting up early. If the arrangement doesn't work for you, tell her she'll need to find somewhere else to stay.

Your schedules clearly aren't compatible, so next time she wants to stay, you have other plans, or it's not convenient, or you're using the guest room for something else.

Neither of you are being unreasonable. She isn't expecting you to get up - you're obviously a light sleeper and being disturbed. You just don't match with schedules.

If she doesn't expect you to wake up, can't you just go back to sleep? I really don't think it's a big deal as long as she is being quiet etc.

Gosh you seem very invested- are you the friend?

I don't think her balance of spending time with you and fitting in other people sounds too bad but obviously she should run that past you before she comes. I presume you knew and agreed to her arrangements. Was the 5.30 get up an unusually early start for her during her stays with you - something for a one off event with others that she had to get to by a certain time?
Next time if she wants to leave that early (for a good reason) then ask her to be quieter, maybe she could get a coffee on her journey so no need for kettle noise. Is she slamming the front door on her way out?! Part of this is you're a very light sleeper and weren't feeling the best.

I think just suck it up. A minor inconvenience twice a year to maintain a good friendship.

You organise your visits to her to get around what you prefer (I always make sure … you’ve commented). Have you considered that your friend finds that annoying and wished you did this differently ’ but tolerated a minor inconvenience a couple times a year became you’re a good friend?

Hosting and visiting is challenging. There’s a balance between being too dependent on the host and treating them like a hotel. And every person has a different idea of where that line is.

I stay with friends both to catch up more, but also to save money. If I have to triple or more the cost of a holiday simple reality is some friends would never be visited again. At that price there are more exciting options.

Why should she? You seem strangely invested in people being allowed to do as they please in other people's homes.

So you can understand people have different body clocks and sleep patterns?

I stay up late and sleep in most of the time. Once I’m awake, it’s impossible to get back to sleep. If I wax woken ip after only 5 hours or so sleep, I’d feel like crap all day

Peoples bodies work differently.

One morning out of 365?! Come off it.

Maybe they don’t have rigid sleep patterns on purpose? I struggle to get back to sleep if I’m woken around 5.30/6. There’s no way I’d get back to sleep if I got up to see the friend.

Also, OP sounds knackered hosting her and going out with her after work.