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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think getting up as a guest at 5.30am is too antisocial?

211 replies

LoisLaneKent · 25/11/2025 12:14

Once or twice a year, I host a friend for up to a week because she is travelling from a distance.

The last two times she has stayed with me, she has left on a Saturday morning at the crack of dawn. The first time it was to catch a flight but the recently it was just to meet friends in another city and screwed up my sleeping pattern that weekend (with earplugs!).

Am I AIBU to ask her to change her leaving plans in future or should I suck it up and I'm being a moany host!

OP posts:
EleanorReally · 26/11/2025 18:24

it is rude

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 26/11/2025 18:14

LoisLaneKent · 25/11/2025 12:43

@AutumnLeavesFallingFast I think it would bother her if i did as in her words she 'hates mornings'.

But yes, exactly, I couldn't get back to sleep. I'll likely be accused of drip feed now but I had a bereavement two weeks ago and my energy/sleep pattern has been awful. I think she didn't have to leave so early just to socialise.

If I had asked her to leave later by the time she told me about, she'd have missed the event with her friends. All I can do is say for next time.

It sounds as if this were not a good time for you to be hosting, irrespective of your friend being an early riser. I'm sorry for your loss

Anonanonay · 26/11/2025 18:11

TwistedWonder · 25/11/2025 13:29

She’s taking the piss imo and using you as a free hotel so she can go out socialising on your area and home the weeks c when you’re free to spend time with her, she’s off.

You need to speak up OP. Tell her that if she’s staying again, then you’ll need uk agree dates in advance that work for both of you, not just for her convenience

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Hard agree. I wouldn't get up at 5.30 in someone else's house because a) I'd be worried about disturbing them up and b) it's using someone's house like a hotel. You've every right to be annoyed, and I think you're going to have to tell her as tactfully as you can.

Isinglass20 · 26/11/2025 18:10

I’d be having an afternoon nap to catch up.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 26/11/2025 18:08

Picklemysink · 25/11/2025 12:31

Exactly this. This could be solved with basic communication.

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But Mumsnet would offer slim pickings if posters communicated with their 'friends' instead of posting about them!

Strawberry53 · 26/11/2025 18:05

Do you not find it easy to get back to sleep? If you have insomnia or something I could understand but if no underlying issues like that I’d say (with kindness) get a grip if it’s two nights a year! Especially for a flight because it could be a cost thing. You could make a gentle joke about her early mornings and she how she reacts. That all said once I hit my thirties I swore I’d never book a ridiculous early flight again because it’s worth paying a few extra quid to fly at a reasonable time!

NewYorkie39 · 26/11/2025 18:02

Just casually remark before you go to bed that you've had a tough week at work, so please don't make too much noise when you get up to leave in the morning.

Sprinklecake97 · 26/11/2025 18:01

If you're close then shouldn't make it awkward to address it just tell her she needs to be a bit more considerate

ByKeenTaupeDreamer · 26/11/2025 18:00

Tell her to book a hotel room

Judecb · 26/11/2025 18:00

As long as she tiptoes out, I don't see the problem.

Joeninety · 26/11/2025 17:52

Surely 5:30 is a normal time that most people rise at ?

Tuesdayschild50 · 26/11/2025 17:47

For the sake of a friendship once or twice a year I wouldn't be bothered by that .. you offered to have her to stay.
If comfortable just ask her if she can go quietly so you can sleep in .

WildLeader · 26/11/2025 16:05

LoisLaneKent · 25/11/2025 12:43

@AutumnLeavesFallingFast I think it would bother her if i did as in her words she 'hates mornings'.

But yes, exactly, I couldn't get back to sleep. I'll likely be accused of drip feed now but I had a bereavement two weeks ago and my energy/sleep pattern has been awful. I think she didn't have to leave so early just to socialise.

If I had asked her to leave later by the time she told me about, she'd have missed the event with her friends. All I can do is say for next time.

She needs to go and stay with them the night before then! Jeez, 05.30 is far too early to be out and about disturbing the house

Floundering66 · 26/11/2025 15:22

I couldn’t get annoyed about this. I definitely wouldn’t be telling another adult what time they can get up in the morning. If it’s a huge problem for you then you maybe just have to stop hosting.

Funkytuna · 26/11/2025 14:37

Once or twice a year and it screws up your sleeping pattern, what?! I’m up at 5 every day even on no sleep. Life of Riley some people 😂

swingingbytheseat · 25/11/2025 22:35

She should get a hotel, she sounds v annoying

Onelifeonly · 25/11/2025 22:31

gannett · 25/11/2025 13:06

No toilet flushing?! Isn't the alternative to flushing the loo much more impolite?!

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Not if the sound wakes your host. Either put the seat down and leave them to flush later or leave the house and find a toilet in public.

I really can't see however why anyone needs to get up at 5.30 on a day they aren't travelling abroad or working. It's rude to treat someone else's house as a hotel - she could leave the evening before. I'd expect a friend to join me for breakfast and have a bit of a chat before leaving in the morning. Otherwise she's a user, not a friend.

PluckyChancer · 25/11/2025 18:03

You’re not a bloody hotel so your guest should have been more courteous and quietly got up at a more reasonable hour.

Hdpr · 25/11/2025 17:57

I think yabu and not a very good host. It really doesn’t matter

Boomer55 · 25/11/2025 16:24

Minor issue. 🤷‍♀️

MyDeftDuck · 25/11/2025 16:09

Why can’t she stay with one of her other friends instead of with you?

Hellohelga · 25/11/2025 15:46

In my household you suck it up. That’s hosting.

Nightlight8 · 25/11/2025 15:37

What's the point of her coming?

Pinkosand · 25/11/2025 15:36

I think getting up at that time to travel is reasonable depending on how far she is going. If it's a 4 hour drive for example I think that's reasonable. The roads are really quiet at that time so it could reduce her journey time and make the drive nicer. But if I was leaving at 5:30am, I wouldn't use someone's kitchen, I'd just get a coffee or whatever on the drive.

PaintYour · 25/11/2025 15:35

LoisLaneKent · 25/11/2025 12:43

@AutumnLeavesFallingFast I think it would bother her if i did as in her words she 'hates mornings'.

But yes, exactly, I couldn't get back to sleep. I'll likely be accused of drip feed now but I had a bereavement two weeks ago and my energy/sleep pattern has been awful. I think she didn't have to leave so early just to socialise.

If I had asked her to leave later by the time she told me about, she'd have missed the event with her friends. All I can do is say for next time.

It’s not clear what your real problem is, OP. Is it that she woke you up early, or that she didn’t stick around to see you?

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