It's ours not mine - or is it?

DON'T put him on the deeds. Paying rent to a landlord doesn't give you right to own. Doing up a rental property doesn't give you right to own.
He's not your husband

Partner is under impression the house will be ours
I guess that'll be part of why he's stuck around for so long but not shown any interest in getting married?

What would a man do?
I dont think he'd be giving half his inheritance away.
Dont be soft OP, do what a man would do.

I think your partner needs his contribution recognised in some way but I'm not sure that 50-50 is the way to go.

How do you currently share finances? Does he have lots of savings that are his alone?

Also, have the two of you chosen not to marry, while being fully aware of the consequences of staying single in the eyes of the law? If this is what you have chosen, and your finances have been largely separate then to me the house should stay yours but I would look at paying him back some of his renovation contributions. It sounds like your kids are grown and you are close to retirement. Have you talked about pensions and how bills will be split when you reach that time in your life?

I think the discussion with your partner should centre round your shared financial history, your decisions around remaining single in the eyes of the law and your relative's wishes. It should also cover how all finances are going to be dealt with moving forward. For example if his pension is much bigger than yours, is it fair if you give him half the house and he keeps all his pension income to himself? I don't know if there is a legal way of even enforcing any commitment he might make in this regard. This is a much bigger discussion than just the house. It is probably several discussions, a lot of thinking and perhaps consultation with financial advisers and lawyers.

If you do decide to go 50-50 please make sure it is as tenants in common not joint tenants. If you are tenants in common then you can each choose to leave your share to your respective DC. If you are joint tenants then the survivor of whoever dies first will inherit the dead persons share and can do with this what they like.

Keep it in your name. He can save rent now and get his own investment with the money saved.

He's been paying rent, and now he's going to live rent free.

Should have married her name if he wanted a legal partnership and to share things.

Out of fairness, if he paid 50% of the rent, council tax, bills, upkeep, inprovements, whatever over the last 14 years, then he should be put on the deeds.

If it were the other way around and it was his family gifting the house to him, would you (or any other mumsnetter on here) feel aggrieved? I think so.

Also, you have stated that it was your situation that prevented you getting a mortgage together. This has a knock on effect to his children and any future inheritance for those children may get in the future, through no fault of their own, and this needs to be considered here.

Do what is fair for all.

Neither would mine. That's why he's a soulmate and I would share it willingly.

Actually the man should move out and secure his children an inheritance. He should have done so when it was clear OP's credit was shit. He's spent 14 years paying into someone else's future asset. That was really dumb.

I'd split 50/50. You're partners who contributed equally. I don't think the landlord being the relative of one of the couple makes any difference.

I’m married 10 years and very happy. If I inherited it would be our marital home and DW - both female, would have a legal claim if we split down the line.

If we weren’t married and I had children from a previous relationship then I wouldn’t sign that over to her. If my DW inherited and we weren’t married I wouldn’t expect her to give me half just because she loves me.

He can live there rent free. She can make a will to leave him a life interest. The only reason he needs to be given half the house is so that he can be protected if they split up. And if I’m splitting up with someone I don’t want them to take half my families house value with him

I have often read threads from foolish women who put men on the deeds of their house and things fall apart.

They are not married, no kids, she lost out in a divorce and now wants to hand half HER childrens security over to him.

Absolute madness.
There is a reason some women always end up in dire situations, often because they are plain foolish.

Children invariably pay the high price for the foolishness.

This is 100% OP's childrens inheritance.
The end.

Yes, you would be an idiot to give away your dc inheritance and your own security. The partner can live rent free and put his wages in to his own investments. Partner is just a fancy name for bf or gf who may or may not live together. Unless it is a civil partnership then do not mix the terms up. The amount of ppl in the thread who repeatedly asked ‘are you married’ when op said partner.

My soul mate wouldn’t expect me to hand over a valuable asset.

I think it's called either love or living with your soul mate. I would split it with my soul mate.

I feel sorry for people who haven't experienced this kind of relationship.

I would prioritise mine and my children’s financial and housing security over any man. He will benefit from living rent free. If I’d have to drag someone down the aisle then I’m deffo not giving them half my house

Sure if we are mugs, then you see male partners of 15years as disposable boy toys. It’s not a partnership if one hoards everything like a dragon.

Honestly cannot believe the bunch of muggings giving away £00000s to someone you don’t have kids with and not married to. Giving away financial security for you children to someone who could leave and demand half the house a week later. Crazy

Nutshell. Well done:)

Honestly cannot believe the bunch of muggings giving away £00000s to someone you don’t have kids with and not married to. Giving away financial security for you children to someone who could leave and demand half the house a week later. Crazy

They are being gifted the house purely because of how much they have paid in rent. It’s OPs fault they couldn’t get a mortgage together. Why should only OP benefit when both have paid

They are not being gifted the house. OP is being gifted the house.

People are arguing that if it was a woman we’d all be saying she should get half of the house but I also think if we had OP on here in 5 years time saying he’s on the deeds but it was a gift from her family and he’s been cheating on her and is now telling her she needs to sell the house to buy him out and she’s not going to be able to afford to buy again with only half the value, everyone would be telling her she was an idiot for giving a non married partner half her house!

Yes. Quite. Totally agree. Everybody assuming that a 15 year partnership is, like, total commitment and it will never end. It can and it does. And then OP would be kicking her own arse for putting herself in the position of her despised ex owning half her house. HER house!! Oof. Making me cross.

If you’d have to drag him up the aisle I’d be cautious about gifting him half a house. That’s your security in old age, now- if you stay together it’s both your security, but if he owns half and you split up, you lose all that. By all means make a will stipulating his right to stay in the house should you die, but I’d then be leaving it in trust to the children (probably both sets as you’ve raised them together).

As pp have said, he now has a rent-free life- that’s massive. He could quite easily save the amount he has always paid as rent, as his own security against you splitting up with him. He doesn’t need to own half the house as well.

You said you did think youd eventually be given the house, was that from the beginning, and did he have reason to think the same?
If that was always the expected outcome I think it would be quite unfair after 14 years not to share it. How was the rent split, 50/50?

She is being gifted a house from a family member. If he lived there without her, there would be no gifting of a house

He isn’t legally entitled, but ethically if you’re partners you should share any kind of windfall that you both earned equally.