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AIBU?

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Original poster

To allow my daughter to go to the sleepover???

59 replies

NattyNavySheep · 25/11/2025 10:25

DD is 9. For context, she is confident and assertive. She is also extrovert and makes friends very easily.

We relocated a year ago, and DD’s friends have this year, started having birthday sleepovers.

I’m a teaching assistant in the school, so I know the other children pretty well and see the families.

The last sleepover was with a parent I know relatively well, so that was fine. This next one, is the same group of children, but with a parent I know less well. DD is so excited to go, and the mum seems nice. Also, I know she is a friend of someone I know well.

I suppose I’m just overthinking, but I’m wondering if I’m being mad to let her go?

The school is in a lovely area, with a fantastic group of parents and families. Everyone has been so welcoming to us. I just don’t know this mum particularly well. WWYD?

OP posts:
Pippa12 · 25/11/2025 11:52

I think birthday sleepovers are fairly common practice at 9 years old. I’m 41 and definitely had sleepovers at that age.

Have you met the parent? Do you have a contact number for them? Do you know their address? Do they have your contact numbers for if required?

My children have had sleepovers. I’ve always met the parents prior to them going and it’s always a friend they regularly play with.

We can’t bring our children up to think every child’s parents are sexual predators. However, you can educate your child about sexual abuse in a age appropriate way.

Original poster
NattyNavySheep · 25/11/2025 11:29

Thank you @DaisyChain505 - I’ll have a look at the NSPCC website.

OP posts:
DaisyChain505 · 25/11/2025 11:08

Just because the school is in a lovely area and there’s a fantastic group of parents and families doesn’t mean risks aren’t there.

Im not trying to scare you but people need to be more aware that predators aren’t walking around looking like the child catcher in shitty chitty bang bang, they are just every day people, in every day jobs, in every day families.

All you can do if you’re going to let her go is make sure you’ve had open and honest age appropriate conversations with her about body autonomy and boundaries. There’s great videos out there on websites like NSPCC etc to show children that talk about their bodies being theirs and not for other people to touch.

surprisebaby12 · 25/11/2025 10:56

Sleepovers aren’t safe as they increase vulnerability to csa. Even if you know the parents well, there’s no guarantees and they may invite other people into your home like relatives, friends or older siblings friends. I’ve never seen a child psychologist or child protection professional that says they’re safe. I intend to do very late pick ups when we hit sleepover age.

Endofyear · 25/11/2025 10:52

I'd probably let her go - while it's understandable to have a twinge of anxiety when you don't know the parent well, the actual risk of anything bad happening is small. We take risks all the time with our children, every time we put them in a car, every time we let them go and knock for a friend to play out - we can't eliminate all risk. Does she have a phone so she can message you while she's there?

Original poster
NattyNavySheep · 25/11/2025 10:46

Anyone else have an opinion on this? Just with everything you hear about on the news, I suppose I’m more apprehensive.

OP posts:
Original poster
NattyNavySheep · 25/11/2025 10:30

Thanks @Smartiepants79 - she is great at staying away from home. She has done camping with Brownies, school residentials, sleepovers with family and 1 friend sleepover. There’s never been an issue.

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 25/11/2025 10:29

If you feel she will be comfortable being away over night and has done so before then I’d be sending her with a smile.

Original poster
NattyNavySheep · 25/11/2025 10:29

Sorry -

YABU - don’t let her go.
YANBU - let her go and have fun with her friends.

OP posts:
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