To allow my daughter to go to the sleepover???

Banning your child pre-teen child from school residential because you don't trust anyone else with them over night is going a little far, surely. I mean each to their own but then to judge others for sending their children as if it's a no brainer not to trust your school with your child is bizarre behaviour.

Those saying " You can't protect your kids all the time?" But you sure as hell can protect them while they are young and you are in control of who they are around!

I will never let my child sleep over ANYONES house untill they atleast teens. For reasons that already been said by others. My kids childhoods is in my hands and I will protect them as much as I can. If that makes me a bad evil mum then so be it.

"minimal" is too much for me

Hard no here.
You say you don't know this mum particularly well... How well do you know her husband/partner/siblings other children etc etc? If you cannot categorically say you trust everyone in that household implicitly then it's a no, surely?

Children are much more likely to experience CSA inside the home/inner circle of friends and family.

Sleepovers are some of the happiest memories of my childhood (same for my children)

We have a total sleepover ban unless it's with close family. This includes no school residentials etc. Why would you trust a stranger with your child overnight?

Whilst I understand - the chances are low. We cannot protect them all the time. I worked on building good relationships with my girls so that they felt safe telling me anything. Never had an issue with sleepovers - if there are a fair few kids going the chances of any abuse from another adult in the house are minimal.

There are many avoidable risks in childhood but for me this is something I'd allow because I feel the benefits and memories outweigh the risks if my child is aware of the pants rule and exactly what to do (scream, wake up the house) and especially in a group situation with multiple children. I'd be more wary of something like a scout camp with many men in attendance but would probably allow that too.

I would be wary if any of the other children are bringing smartphones though.

We didn't allow our DD to go to sleepovers, whilst the parents might be nice and you might know them, you don't know who they might have round their house, I wasn't comfortable with it.
You have to do what you are comfortable doing x

We never let ours go to sleepovers unless we knew the parents very well.

That's right

Mine have been doing Rainbows/Vrownie sleepovers since 6 and friends ones since 8, I have no issue as long as I know the children and parents well.

One mum puts a 'smart tag' (android) or airbag (apple) in their child's bag. The smart tag, when double tapped, pings the persons phone it's linked to. I use it to find my keys from my phone or vice versa, but it can also work as an alert device. If your daughter did get worried, she just has to double tap it and you can then call the parent on some random excuse 'can I just speak with Millie, I think she left her pj's at home and just wanted to double check' and your daughter can have a code word to say she wants to be picked up. It feels a bit OTT to me, but if it reassures parents or children then it's helpful.

My own personal experience means I realise how naive I was in the past about sleepers. Therefore, I wouldn't let her go.

So no residential trips, scout camps….

She is too young and cannot advocate for herself if something happened. I would not let her go on a sleepover to a home where I do not know the other occupants extremely well.

Why would you not let her go if she wants to? Make sure she has a safe word.

Oh and also, it's really useful if your child is used to sleepovers in case of emergency. I had to ask a friend to take one of my kids once due to a medical emergency, and I have had a friends kids overnight for an emergency their end.

In both case we knew our kids were OK and happy, being looked after while the adults could deal with the emergency.

What have you heard about on the news about sleepovers?

Surely a group sleepover is safer than an individual one?

And for the record, my kids have done individual ones too. They invariably have a fabulous time, come back high on all the sugar they've consumed, talking nonstop about all the fun they had, and crash as soon as they get home.

You can't wrap kids in cottonwool forever. At some point they have to go out in the wild world. Give them all the tools. Make sure they have access to a phone, and a code word. Make sure they understand the Pants rule. It's the one time I go to bed with my phone next to my head on super loud.

Of course, this assumes that you have no reason to say no.

Let her go to the sleepover! I don’t get why this is even a question. Group sleepovers at 9 are standard

That's hard no for me. For reasons raised above.

These would be my questions:

Please can I check who will be in the house (including all adults and any teenaged boys)

Please could I check if there are any dogs in the house and what breed?

Please could I check if there are guns in the house and if so, how they are stored (US only).

I’d probably want a quick phone chat with the mum. I’d also have a code with daughter for it she isn’t having a good time and wants to come home but is nervous to say it aloud.

Sleepovers have suddenly become very unfashionable because of child protection, often people of vocal people who've worked in child protection and are worried that sleepovers are an avoidable risk.

Personally I think that most risks are avoidable, but would result in having a much less enjoyable childhood, therefore I am inclined to allow sleepovers for my children. I am focussed on teaching about sexual abuse and the PANTS rule, and would make sure they had a phone (non smart phone) so they were able to contact me if anything felt off. I'd also be extremely clear that I would come and get them at the drop of a hat, no questions asked.

I would suggest that you let your daughter go, but you will get plenty of people who suggest you should not.

Mine went on sleepovers from younger than OP's daughter.
Sleepovers are no more dangerous than they have ever been.

Decades of safeguarding training from working in both health and education and I've never been aware of sleepovers being flagged as any riskier than other visits to friends' houses.

No idea why the opinion of a Child Psychologist would help the decision either. Worked with hundreds of teachers and HCPs over the years. Most of us let our kids do normal stuff including sleepovers. Noone can categorically say that anything is safe; we can't even say that children will be be safe at home.

I don't know. My DC is well below sleepover age and I'm already dreading it. I used to work with children who had been sexually abused, and that changed how I saw the world in terms of safety. Invariably there was always a breech of trust by someone close to the family. But we can't raise our kids to never trust anyone. I'm not always sure what the middle ground is. Sorry if unhelpful!