To allow my daughter to go to the sleepover???

I wouldn't allow my child to attend sleepovers. Once she's old enough to stand up for herself and either get herself home if she needs to, then yes- in her late teens! Sleepovers are completely unnecessary imo

Sorry, wrong thread.

What time is this happening? Is she overtired? Is it just a flash of something that she sees. Sometimes the rods in our eyes can cause this sort of thing. Can also cause a flash of darkness, like a power surge does. It's something to do with the long and short rods meeting briefly.

I was similar with my child. I didn't let him go and I regret that choice. They are a nice couple and because I didn't know then overly well and I was overprotective I said no. That affected the friendship as other children were invited and went and my child was then excluded from future play dates. He blames me to this day.

Gosh either I’m a neglectful parent but it wouldn’t occur to me not to let her go!

Your poor children

So, my DD has had sleepovers when she was younger and although nothing sinister happened, I do regret letting her because it is still a risk to take. She hasn't slept our for years and I doubt I'll let her until she's a teen now

Last year my sisters boyfriend got sent to prison for molesting his nieces and nephews when he was a teenager snd they were young children. They would go for sleepovers at grandma's house ( his mum, their grandma ) and he would entice them into his attic bedroom. They reported him when they were adults.

My DD's best friend, on face value her parents look really decent, both teachers. But their DD has told my DD that her dad gets drunk and really angry and starts punching walls...... my dog growled and all his fur stood on edge the only time he met this man, I should of took note of that, even though he isn't a predator ( that I know of ) it would be a risk sending my DD to a man's house who can't control his anger

Absolutely not. We have a blanket rule on no sleepovers. My DD is 9 in a few weeks. She was invited to her first sleep over earlier this year. I said no but she could go for a play date if that was an option. Which worked fine for everyone.
The mum I knew from school pick up chats but no more than that at the time. She’s a nice woman but I have no idea what goes on in their home. My dd also wouldn’t have been comfortable anyway as she is very much a home girl.
not allowing sleepovers isn’t teaching kids not to trust people it’s about protecting our kids when they’re too young to advocate for themselves. Id rather an awkward no now than my child have do deal with any potential trauma if something did happen.
Statistics show csa happens by people we know, not random people in the street.

Put “Find My” or “Life 360” on her phone so you can track her, tell her to check in once and let her enjoy being kid

This is wild!!! Children shouldn’t have to develop to cope with “danger everywhere!” They don’t “need to learn to deal with risk!” FML. They are children. They deserve protection: they don’t have to become resilient by experiencing bad things. They can just be told no; there’s some resilience skills needed for that option too.

Luckily sleepovers haven’t occurred much yet for DSs 10 & 8, they only have sleepovers with 1 family where parents, big bro and little bro are all besties. If one of them is invited to a sleepover at someone we don’t know well’s house, my main concern would be if they have dogs and the general vibe of the family, and rules around gaming/horror movies etc while the sleepover is happening.

I’m a psychologist who works with trauma. CSA almost always happens to kids by someone they know or have access to them.
I wish I could say sleepovers are fine, but sizeable number are not.
I have allowed sleepovers with my best friends of years and years and years. I have allowed sleepovers of the kids best friend of years and years and years. I wouldn’t allow them to go to anyone else. They’re boys and they’re teenagers. We have kids here all the time often until late ish. But no need for sleepovers. Probably 8 kids have stayed over here in 10 years. They’ve only stayed at one friend each and my best best friend.

I would let her go to the house but pick her up around 10-11pm so she doesn’t actually stay over ☺️

Jeezo, the amount of social workers and police in this thread is crazy. Don’t let the absolute idiots put you off. Oh I’m a bad mum for allowing sleepovers. Have a day off. Saying I will allow sleepovers at mine only is absolutely mind boggling. So you’re ok but no one else! Give your head a wobble!

But what if something happens? The daughter could blame the mother for not protecting her.

The daughter could blame the mother for not letting her go to anything which impacts massively on her friendship groups and relationships.

You've got to obviously make the right choices for you but never letting your daughter stay at someone's house will also affect them.

But what if something happens? The daughter could blame the mother for not protecting her. This is not sound logic. I think OP you need to do whatever you feel comfortable with and what you think is best.

with my children it is my absolute hill to die on,they can hate me all they want

Hmm, I feel you are creating a whole different set of problems here. I had a friend at school whose parents were totally over protective when she was a child/teenager-she was never allowed to go anywhere outside of school unless it was with a very specific few people. My friend went away to university and never came back. She has never spoken to her mum since. She is so angry at her mum's destruction of her childhood, due to her own issues.

I would take sensible precautions-get to know the mum, get her number, give her yours, talk to your daughter about risks and what to do, tell her you will come and get her if she has any concerns.

If you don't let her go to things like this, she'll stop getting invited and will blame you.

If the friend has a teenage brother 13 year old and dad at the house, is that better or worse than a mum on her own in the house?

I’d let her go, my girls are aged 11 & 12, we hosted group sleepovers and they attended them. Everything we do is a risk but she will likely want to be included. You seem familiar with the family, but do what you think is best. The odds are that the worst thing to happen is she’ll be exhausted and moody for 3 days after it for pulling an all nighter.

My kids had regular sleepovers from the age of seven. So many happy memories from that time. No regrets.

Absolutely this. I experienced SA at school - but would never suggest that children don't go to school because of this.
I loved sleepovers, my girls love sleepovers. The only line I have drawn is that one of my daughters (aged 10) best friends who is a boy is no longer allowed to sleep in her room. This is probably OTT but she is starting to develop and I just didn't quite feel comfortable with it. They can watch movies etc until late in lounge but he then sleeps on our sofa.

It would be no from me. You can’t put the responsibility of keeping herself safe on a young child. She is vulnerable and sleepovers are unnecessary. She can have a great time with friends without sleeping over.

I wouldn’t let my children have a sleepover ever. I was sexually assaulted as a minor and it profoundly affected my life. with my children it is my absolute hill to die on,they can hate me all they want but it is my job to try and keep them safe. I have heard a few horror stories at sleepovers and a lot of our friends don’t allow them either. Uncles, brothers, other kids. You have no control over who is there and no, you don’t know them really well. You know what they present to you which will always be their best self. You have absolutely no idea what goes on behind closed doors.

I’d let her go. Children need learn to develop and grow away from their parents. I had amazing sleepovers as a child . I am
more cautious as a parent and I would only allow houses im comfortable with and my children know they can always come home. I send a fully charged phone and they have watches with panic mode.

Danger is everywhere but we need to teach children to deal with it to prepare them for life and not leave them unable to deal with life as adults.

Id let her go as its a group thing. I totally get this though and if it was only your child going id say no but host a group sleepover at my house.