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Original poster

Ex Letting DS6 Watch Harry Potter

103 replies

Lestranged · 25/11/2025 10:14

Name changed as if the ex (or anyone IRL) sees this it will be outing and I don't want it connected to previous threads.

Ex and I divorced around 2.5 years ago and DS6 is now with her EOW during term time, 50/50 over school holidays.

Ex has read Harry Potter to DS from a young age, but only the first three books. We agreed around a year ago that DS was okay to watch the first three films. I was less keen because I thought it would lead to him wanting to watch the later films which in my opinion are not suitable for young children.

DS was with Ex over the weekend and casually mentioned that he has now watched all of the Harry Potter films. I assumed he was either mistaken or lying so I asked Ex (we have a generally amicable and good co-parenting relationship). It turns out that Ex has let DS watch ALL of the films including the two Deathly Hallows.

For context, DS currently seems fine but has recently been prone to nightmares and I have only managed to get him back to sleeping in his own bed in the last couple of months. I watched Home Alone with him last weekend and he was scared by some elements of that.

I know there is nothing I can do about it, but I am really angry with Ex for doing this. I guess I just want to see what other MNetters think about it and what (if anything) I should do or say.

YABU - it is fine for DS to have watched this and I am overreacting
YANBU - no parent in their right mind would have allowed a 6YO to watch these films

OP posts:
Original poster
Lestranged · 25/11/2025 12:16

Soontobe60 · 25/11/2025 12:01

I think you have to acknowledge that the overwhelming thing that has happened to any child whose parents have split up is generally the actual separation of their parents. (barring actual abuse)

Show quote history

I acknowledge this and breaking up the family was not something that either of us took lightly. Generally speaking, DS has been happier and more rounded since we separated as the home environment was very toxic beforehand.
I am not minimising the impact of a break up on any child, if anything this is my point. DS can be insecure and emotionally sensitive because of his bad home life and then the break up. I take this into consideration all the time when I make choices for him and it is another reason that I wouldn't have shown him these films.

OP posts:
Ambridgefan · 25/11/2025 12:14

I think it's fine. A lot of Disney films are terrifying especially the early ones yet classed as perfectly ok for very young children. Similarly traditional fairy tales are very frightening. I don't think Harry Potter is anymore scary than many of those

StruggleFlourish · 25/11/2025 12:08

Hi there, I'm a big-time Harry Potter fan but I also was an adult when I got into this.
I don't even watch the Harry Potter films, as good as the actors in them are, they can't hold a candle to the books, and too much is left out / changed for my liking.

I think if the child has the love of reading and ability to read the vocabulary to plow their way through reading the books themselves, that's one thing but popping a kid down in front of all the films, (especially the last few) feels like lazy parenting and honestly, 6 years old for the last few Harry Potter films? I wouldn't.

You're right, they were filmed with the music, the color palette, the angles, everything was created to intentionally evoke a sense of tension, that's the point. Because as the series progresses, it gets more dark it gets more serious, obviously they couldn't keep the films all light and airy and cutesy pootsey... I could see those last few films causing some problems in a child of that age. I don't think you're being unreasonable.

I mean, it's not like they plopped her down in front of the saw series or squid game or something, but yeah. It's about appropriate milestones and boundaries that you have pre-discussed with the other co-parent which were ignored and you were not told until after the fact. Your ex is making parenting decisions that you don't agree with, and if your child has nightmares you're the one who's going to have to deal with the fallout.

Soontobe60 · 25/11/2025 12:01

Lestranged · 25/11/2025 10:34

Also, DS is currently seeing a play therapist once a week, has an educational psychologist appointment lined up and I am booked in with SEN Co. at school to fill out some my assessment paperwork which I have been warned will be "gritty". There is every chance that I am overly sensitive about his mental health at the moment.
Other things have happened previously at Ex's house which have impacted on DS's mindset, but I am happy to admit that I was wrong on this occasion!

I think you have to acknowledge that the overwhelming thing that has happened to any child whose parents have split up is generally the actual separation of their parents. (barring actual abuse)

Original poster
Lestranged · 25/11/2025 11:58

user927464 · 25/11/2025 11:53

We lets ours watch the first three at that sort of age and then paused for a couple of years since it then starts to get a bit dark.

We had read the books to them first of course because they are lovely kids books and its a shame to spoil them.

This is what I thought we had agreed too

OP posts:
Bellaphant · 25/11/2025 11:58

I've thought about this recently for my 6 year old but have decided on no - he still dislikes some of the conflict in Disney films! I think it's very child dependent and stopping after 3 is probably a good idea.

JudgeJ · 25/11/2025 11:58

AnotherNam · 25/11/2025 10:27

My just turned 7 year old is currently reading the books (as a school reading book) and has watched most of the films. They love it!

It's the same with these films as many others, adults see things in them that are scary because they're adults, children often zone out the scary bits, if they're asked aboout the film later, What did you think about x, y, z? they will often not have noticed.

Original poster
Lestranged · 25/11/2025 11:57

@LoveMySushi This is my take on it too - a six year old's imagination when they are being read a story is potentially quite different to a film adaptation made by adults and aimed at a 12A audience

OP posts:
tara66 · 25/11/2025 11:55

I voted UABU but it is a v. long time since I saw them. Now PPs have explained the viewing guidance - you may have a point re some of the films. I think I remember the last one was a bit ''obscure'' anyway.

user927464 · 25/11/2025 11:53

We lets ours watch the first three at that sort of age and then paused for a couple of years since it then starts to get a bit dark.

We had read the books to them first of course because they are lovely kids books and its a shame to spoil them.

LoveMySushi · 25/11/2025 11:44

Our rule is that they can watch once they’ve read the books. DS is 11 and just finished the last book. DD is 9 and has seen the first 4 I think.
Its way too early at 6 years old in my opinion. Even if the books were read to him. Reading is much different from watching. When kids read a scary scene, they build their own images in their head, which means young children would probably picture certain scenes differently to adults.
But if they watch the movies they get the images provided, which is quite dark in some of the later films.

Original poster
Lestranged · 25/11/2025 11:35

Genuinely, thank you to everyone who is posting on here. It is very helpful to hear other perspectives.
As DS gets older there's going to be more of these things and I just need to get used to it!
I am not giving loads of background or context but there have been a few things that surprised me from Ex's camp recently and I am probably still adjusting to being separate from her life / family whilst still linked through DS. I know I am not part of her life / family anymore and that is fine, but I am not perfect and I do sometimes find it strange even though it is right for us all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lestranged · 25/11/2025 11:29

PurpleThistle7 · 25/11/2025 11:27

I think it’s fine for some kids but also if something was agreed and one parent just ignores the agreement that’s not great.

my kids don’t like HP but my son loved lord of the rings at that age. My daughter is older but much more sensitive and won’t watch anything remotely scary (had nightmares after men in black!)

See - I am more like your daughter in this regard 😂

OP posts:
PurpleThistle7 · 25/11/2025 11:27

I think it’s fine for some kids but also if something was agreed and one parent just ignores the agreement that’s not great.

my kids don’t like HP but my son loved lord of the rings at that age. My daughter is older but much more sensitive and won’t watch anything remotely scary (had nightmares after men in black!)

Original poster
Lestranged · 25/11/2025 11:25

DS appears completely fine and not at all "traumatised"

OP posts:
Original poster
Lestranged · 25/11/2025 11:24

User312312 · 25/11/2025 11:15

What I would do, is encourage your dc to tell the partner if they found it more scary than enjoyable or too bothering. Ultimately, a child should be able to say if they’ve been overly scared themselves.

Thank you - DS quite often asks me to tell Ex how he is feeling about things instead of doing it himself. Ex was not a hands on parent with DS whilst we were together and his relationship with me is definitely closer still. Ex has done a great job of turning things around with DS since we split, but obviously we all still make mistakes!

OP posts:
AelinAG · 25/11/2025 11:20

We all watched water ship down as children and survived, so I think your kid will be fine.

Kids aren’t exposed to enough peril in their films these days.

BillieWiper · 25/11/2025 11:18

To me they're all children's films. And if she's read the books then I can't see an issue.

Unless it really seems to have deeply traumatised her?

User312312 · 25/11/2025 11:15

What I would do, is encourage your dc to tell the partner if they found it more scary than enjoyable or too bothering. Ultimately, a child should be able to say if they’ve been overly scared themselves.

User312312 · 25/11/2025 11:14

Agree - as I said I tend to agree with you but it’s a matter of judgment and not worth the fight. I once had a mum insist hotel Transylvania was terrifying and inappropriate…

Original poster
Lestranged · 25/11/2025 11:09

User312312 · 25/11/2025 10:56

Although look the first how to train your dragon has dragons being enslaved and fighting to the death - my dd and I find that terrifying too.

Dolores umbridge in order of the phoenix is a terrifying character. So is the trunchball in Matilda -
being forced to eat until you spew etc…

I get your point! I don't think either of these examples are quite so dark though

OP posts:
Original poster
Lestranged · 25/11/2025 11:05

@millymollymoomoo
Feel free to scroll on if this is a non-issue. So weird that you would spend your time commenting

OP posts:
ElsaPeretti · 25/11/2025 11:05

Lestranged · 25/11/2025 10:14

Name changed as if the ex (or anyone IRL) sees this it will be outing and I don't want it connected to previous threads.

Ex and I divorced around 2.5 years ago and DS6 is now with her EOW during term time, 50/50 over school holidays.

Ex has read Harry Potter to DS from a young age, but only the first three books. We agreed around a year ago that DS was okay to watch the first three films. I was less keen because I thought it would lead to him wanting to watch the later films which in my opinion are not suitable for young children.

DS was with Ex over the weekend and casually mentioned that he has now watched all of the Harry Potter films. I assumed he was either mistaken or lying so I asked Ex (we have a generally amicable and good co-parenting relationship). It turns out that Ex has let DS watch ALL of the films including the two Deathly Hallows.

For context, DS currently seems fine but has recently been prone to nightmares and I have only managed to get him back to sleeping in his own bed in the last couple of months. I watched Home Alone with him last weekend and he was scared by some elements of that.

I know there is nothing I can do about it, but I am really angry with Ex for doing this. I guess I just want to see what other MNetters think about it and what (if anything) I should do or say.

YABU - it is fine for DS to have watched this and I am overreacting
YANBU - no parent in their right mind would have allowed a 6YO to watch these films

YABU. It’s a popular children’s franchise based on popular children’s books, and they’re all 12A, which means they’ve been rated as suitable for children at a supervising adults discretion.

millymollymoomoo · 25/11/2025 11:01

Total non issue.
and your ex can make their own decisions about what’s appropriate for their child

Original poster
Lestranged · 25/11/2025 10:58

Again, I just want to say that I completely understand this is up to my Ex and what she does with DS during her time with him is nothing to do with me (so long as he is safe, of course). It does sound like she went about things in the right way - sitting with him, explaining and checking he was okay etc.

OP posts:
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