Page 2 | MIL is beginning to unravel and baby isn’t here yet

Motherhoodpending · 2025-11-25T05:18:35+00:00

My MIL unfortunately has a history of depression and can get quite paranoid. She found out I’d asked my own mum to babysit for a wedding in December when baby will be 7 months old. She started calling my husband to ask why she hadn’t been asked instead days after and was obviously annoyed. She heard we were going on holiday with the baby and she kept asking to be invited and my husband had to keep saying no. Then my husband and her had an argument and she started to message me about my husband, insulting him etc. I didn’t know what to reply and my pregnancy has been really difficult so I don’t have the energy for it. I kept my replies minimal and she kept sending rambling messages about him. They then had an argument face to face. All this drama is just making me anxious but I know she’s not the type to pander to. I’m not sure how to approach both situations when they’re brought up to me? My husband has dealt with it and was annoyed she messaged me but it’s more if she tries to involve me or brings it up when I next see her. AIBU to need advice on how to deal with this?

Btowngirl · 25/11/2025 07:02

Motherhoodpending · 25/11/2025 06:58

@Btowngirl thank you. This sounds a bit similar to what she’s like, and I think she tries to control the situation too. My husband said that’s his next port of call if she starts anything. I really don’t want it to get to that point but I suppose that’s up to her! Thanks for your reply x

Honestly my MIL has said wild things over the years but if there is 1 thing she won’t do, it’s risk not seeing our DD’s. It’s horrible to put it like this, but do remember you are the one with the power (DGC) and she knows it, hence this struggle for a regain on her part. I’d be so shocked if she pushed it so far you actually had to go no contact. You sound like a nice daughter in law for her to have though, try not to let it impact your pregnancy and MAT leave xx

Original poster

Motherhoodpending · 25/11/2025 06:58

@Btowngirl thank you. This sounds a bit similar to what she’s like, and I think she tries to control the situation too. My husband said that’s his next port of call if she starts anything. I really don’t want it to get to that point but I suppose that’s up to her! Thanks for your reply x

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Original poster

Motherhoodpending · 25/11/2025 06:56

@Namechangedconfession because I value family and my husband sees my parents and I’d be pretty upset if he blocked my mum because she messaged him. He’s spoken to her, I’ll give her the chance to not message me again before I block her.

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Btowngirl · 25/11/2025 06:56

Agree with PP, just either ignore her message and if asked about it, say you were busy or just simply say ‘I think you better speak to my husband about this’.

My wife’s mum has some MH issues and can cause problems sometimes. It started when I sent a scan pic of our first baby in the group chat, it was just an extra scan we had at the IVF clinic & she messaged me saying I should have sent it to her first. I just told my wife to deal with it & she messaged her and said firmly not to try & control the situation. Don’t dive in with a threat but your husband needs to be willing to say she won’t have a relationship with the baby if these shinnanegans carry on.

For your own sanity, just remember it’s not your issue to deal with & if it was your mum you wouldn’t expect your husband to deal with it. Shame for your husband though but it’s 100% best not to get involved in these things when they’re deep rooted.

Namechangedconfession · 25/11/2025 06:55

Motherhoodpending · 25/11/2025 05:51

Blocking her doesn’t seem the right call when I see her about once every two weeks, I feel it’s a bit rash. I’d rather confront her if she speaks to me about it than ghost the situation.

Why do you see her so frequently when she harasses you like this? Stop visiting her and block her. Your husband can visit her if he wants to.

Original poster

Motherhoodpending · 25/11/2025 06:49

@Aimtodobetter i have no plans to let her babysit on her own, my DH would just take the baby and they could spend a day the 3 of them. So it’s not like she wouldn’t see the baby or be involved if you see what I mean.

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mistyeveningponder · 25/11/2025 06:47

MayaPinion · 25/11/2025 06:19

If you can’t block her then mute her and reply once a day with something like - ‘Sorry - busy day, Sheila’, and then write something really long and boring about swollen ankles (you can get Chat GPT to help you). Don’t address ANYTHING she moans about. The next night do a massive message about indigestion. You can even tell her you’ve written a poem about it and then get Chat GPT to write a really long poem about indigestion, and so on and so forth. She’s making everything about her - so break the cycle and make everything about you. She’ll get bored quickly. If she asks you to intervene with your DH just blithely say, ‘Oh I have bigger things to worry about, Sheila. I’ll just let you two sort that out between you’, and then ignore any follow ups - talk about some pregnancy ailment instead. This time IS about you. Don’t let anyone else ruin it or take away your power.

This is genius - I love it

BreatheAndFocus · 25/11/2025 06:41

Motherhoodpending · 25/11/2025 05:30

@PollyBell I know, it’s just I have such physical anxiety over it like my IBS is in overdrive. I’m not sure why it’s getting to me so much unless it’s pregnancy related. I said in the messages that she needs to bring it up to him instead and she just kept sending long rambling texts.

Reply once telling her that it’s between her and him, then don’t reply again. If you get more texts, skim read them to check there’s no important unrelated info in them, then delete. You don’t have to get involved with this.

Aimtodobetter · 25/11/2025 06:40

The way you’ve described her - I wouldn’t ever be letting her look after my child and I am relatively relaxed about these things. There is something off there.

Original poster

Motherhoodpending · 25/11/2025 06:35

@landlordhell no she doesn’t have any friends or family, it’s really just us and all of my family. This is a problem too tbh.

We’ve been looking at houses as we’ve considered moving away to a better area anyway.

Also yes baby not born yet!

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landlordhell · 25/11/2025 06:33

Motherhoodpending · 25/11/2025 06:22

Thanks @MayaPinion towards the end, I only focused on the parts of her message unrelated to the argument. She then stopped so this might be a tactic. It’s difficult because we live close to both sets of parents and everyone sees each other at one of the million bday parties or occasions etc, it’s very enmeshed :/

Move away! This will only get worse.

landlordhell · 25/11/2025 06:31

Does she have anything else going on in her life? Seems overly focussed on you and the baby. Good luck and try to keep busy. Maybe mute her texts or have less phone time so you’re not thinking about it so much.

ChicaWowWow · 25/11/2025 06:30

MayaPinion · 25/11/2025 06:19

If you can’t block her then mute her and reply once a day with something like - ‘Sorry - busy day, Sheila’, and then write something really long and boring about swollen ankles (you can get Chat GPT to help you). Don’t address ANYTHING she moans about. The next night do a massive message about indigestion. You can even tell her you’ve written a poem about it and then get Chat GPT to write a really long poem about indigestion, and so on and so forth. She’s making everything about her - so break the cycle and make everything about you. She’ll get bored quickly. If she asks you to intervene with your DH just blithely say, ‘Oh I have bigger things to worry about, Sheila. I’ll just let you two sort that out between you’, and then ignore any follow ups - talk about some pregnancy ailment instead. This time IS about you. Don’t let anyone else ruin it or take away your power.

This is brilliant! Just answer back with long, rambling message about boring stuff 😅

ChicaWowWow · 25/11/2025 06:29

beccahamlet · 25/11/2025 06:25

The baby will be 7 months old in December?

I think it's Dec 2026, baby not born yet.

beccahamlet · 25/11/2025 06:25

The baby will be 7 months old in December?

Flinderskleepers · 25/11/2025 06:24

MayaPinion · 25/11/2025 06:19

If you can’t block her then mute her and reply once a day with something like - ‘Sorry - busy day, Sheila’, and then write something really long and boring about swollen ankles (you can get Chat GPT to help you). Don’t address ANYTHING she moans about. The next night do a massive message about indigestion. You can even tell her you’ve written a poem about it and then get Chat GPT to write a really long poem about indigestion, and so on and so forth. She’s making everything about her - so break the cycle and make everything about you. She’ll get bored quickly. If she asks you to intervene with your DH just blithely say, ‘Oh I have bigger things to worry about, Sheila. I’ll just let you two sort that out between you’, and then ignore any follow ups - talk about some pregnancy ailment instead. This time IS about you. Don’t let anyone else ruin it or take away your power.

Couldn't agree with this more.

Please send a poem about indigestion! 😂

Original poster

Motherhoodpending · 25/11/2025 06:22

@beccahamlet not May, no.

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Original poster

Motherhoodpending · 25/11/2025 06:22

Thanks @MayaPinion towards the end, I only focused on the parts of her message unrelated to the argument. She then stopped so this might be a tactic. It’s difficult because we live close to both sets of parents and everyone sees each other at one of the million bday parties or occasions etc, it’s very enmeshed :/

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beccahamlet · 25/11/2025 06:20

Are you talking about a baby who is due to be born next May?

MayaPinion · 25/11/2025 06:19

If you can’t block her then mute her and reply once a day with something like - ‘Sorry - busy day, Sheila’, and then write something really long and boring about swollen ankles (you can get Chat GPT to help you). Don’t address ANYTHING she moans about. The next night do a massive message about indigestion. You can even tell her you’ve written a poem about it and then get Chat GPT to write a really long poem about indigestion, and so on and so forth. She’s making everything about her - so break the cycle and make everything about you. She’ll get bored quickly. If she asks you to intervene with your DH just blithely say, ‘Oh I have bigger things to worry about, Sheila. I’ll just let you two sort that out between you’, and then ignore any follow ups - talk about some pregnancy ailment instead. This time IS about you. Don’t let anyone else ruin it or take away your power.

Original poster

Motherhoodpending · 25/11/2025 06:17

@KellyJonesLeatherTrousers i don’t think I’ll have the same patience for it when baby is here either! Like I’ll probably lose the plot 🤣

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KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 25/11/2025 06:14

I think experience tells us all that this won’t go away when baby is born, the likelihood is it will get worse. All communication through your DH from now on. You can be friendly when you see her but there is no need for her to be messaging you directly like this. Be firm now, you’ll definitely not want all this drama when baby is here!

NET145 · 25/11/2025 06:07

If you think she can change then you can address it with her, but if she’s stuck in her ways or if this is a short term issue due to pregnancy then I would try to outsource it to manage it for the moment!

Original poster

Motherhoodpending · 25/11/2025 06:06

Yes something along these lines @WonderingWanda thank you :)

I have heard some first time grandparents can go loopy so I’m trying to be compassionate but firm.

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NET145 · 25/11/2025 06:06

When I received messages which caused a reaction like this in me, I put that person on mute and didn’t read any of the messages. I then asked my partner to kindly periodically check and respond on my behalf but not tell me anything about it. If you can be disinclined enough not to look and trust them to send reasonable short replies then I can strongly recommend you outsource this! You must focus on yourself and baby