I can't use her for childcare can I?

Honestly, you need to either find another nursery with sensible hours or use a childminder.

the fact that your mum doesn’t understand that you can’t just walk out of work half way through the afternoon to pick your child up and be home before it starts to get dark (which is about 4 pm at the moment!) shows she is thinking completely irrationally and then responds by getting upset/ annoyed that you don’t go along with her crazy thinking.

whatever the reason behind it - poor mental health, onset of dementia - the fact is she has irrational thinking and no way would I entrust my precious child to someone like that

You must have played a part in your falling out because it usually takes two.

Not when one of them is batshit crazy.

Unwell. Possibly a form of dementia setting in, there are many types. Not appropriate for childcare. Take the temporary financial hit and try and coax your mum to see GP.

Agree but I wouldn’t tell her why, make up an excuse to spare her feelings like you want baby to be with other babies or something.
Do you get support off the father?Might need to get help off him as it’s not fair to do it all alone

It sounds like both you and her are carrying a heavy load. I wondered if you are a bit "boiled frog" in this - the pressure and worry has ramped up slowly over time. I think it will be a huge relief and release to you when you manage to sort some different childcare. You shouldn't have to manage your mum's fears of your child going out in the dark on a day to day basis, and it's not good for your child to be hearing it.

I would bet money on OCD/intrusive thought and anxiety. Counselling (perhaps CBT) can help.

Has your Mum always been like this or is this a new development? If she's always had these traits, have they got worse? It does sound like OCD, but I'm no expert, which is anxiety based. If you don't finish work until 5 pm, then you're picking your child up from her in the dark - is she stressing over this, to you on a daily basis? If your Mum is obsessing over these rules, to the point she becomes angry and/or upset, when you don't comply or disagree, then that's not normal on any level. These are beyond a difference of opinion. Your Mum needs to see a medical professional. As for her looking after your child, no, I wouldn't allow her to do this any longer. You need to find a different nursery that opens earlier and closes later. The current one you're using isn't going to work any longer, you need reliable childcare, that fits in with your working pattern.

No one should USE anyone for child care.
You dont use people.

Use paid childcare and there is plenty of help available in the UK towards it. Sounds like your mother needs health with her mental health, which will probably won’t be received well.

yup

Would a different nursery or childminder not solve the problem? Having to work til 5pm is completely normal, lots of nurseries are 8-6 or even longer hours. You can still use your free hours of childcare. If you are eligible for UC do you claim all you can including childcare element? Nursery is hugely expensive but also temporary. Keeping a better paid job is so worth it in the long term even if you have lean times until school starts.

Call me a coward but I'd be tempted to try to address the 2 things separately. Get your child into different childcare first, and then talk to your mum about your worries for her.

Did your mother exhibit these behaviors all her life or are they a symptom of aging? I'm not sure I would leave a child in her care tbh. Best to look at placing her with qualified professionals where she can play with other children her own age and not end up adopting your mother's mindset/behaviours.

You cannot use her for childcare. As your child gets older she will be imposing her belief on the child and no doubt cause the child massive anxiety about doing something wrong.

As others said you need to look for a Nursery with better hours.

And free childcare is free right?

Of course OP is prioritising the welfare of her child.

She obviously can't leave her with her DM. And she needs to find safe childcare in order to continue to work.
Or do you suggest she gives up work?

From what OP says her DM has had long term signs of mental ill health which are getting worse.
You have absolutely no idea of what has occurred in their relationship earlier. Whether OP has tried to help or what in the past.

You are assuming that naturally caring about childcare is mutually exclusive with caring about her DM.

How really unpleasant to turn OP's question about a practical issue into a stick to beat her with.

It’s Sundays you’re not supposed to cut hair.

I think only you know the full picture…a few of your examples sound like someone being overly careful, eg with frozen food or being out in the dark. I wouldn’t immediately jump to the conclusion of her being unwell because these are things to consider (I wouldn’t travel more than 10 minutes with frozen food and when I was out with my pram at 5pm the other day I took the bus home rather than walk through the park in the dark), she’s just more on the careful side. Superstitions like hairdressers on Wednesdays..,that depends how serious she is about this, whether she has a breakdown if you do it or whether she just rolls her eyes.
But apart from that, if you don’t get on with her then using her for childcare might not be the best idea in general,

She's probably just a bit nuts but nothing that would harm a small child so I would just put up with it for now. A UTI is unlikely if it's been going on for months (or longer).

Maybe OPs mum should see a doctor but I doubt she would accept there's anything wrong with her, probably thinks she's just being careful. A lot of people have weird superstitions & irrational anxieties and I don't think the NHS could cope if they all started asking for brain scans.

Oh? Because if it turns out OPs Mum might have a nasty UTI or a neurological disorder undiagnosed. But she's helping her save £40 a week then it's far better to just ignore it? 🙄

I would suggest finding a nursery with better opening hours and not having your mum look after her any more.

My mother went down the conspiracy rabbit hole, she never looked after my dd alone but it still affected every one around her. We've now be no contact for 6 years (her choice) as I wouldn't toe the line with her beliefs and involve my dd in them (not watching Disney movies for example or using fluoride toothpaste).

Mine is an extreme situation but it started in somewhat the same way as you describe.

To be honest with you @Looklikepob I would be forcing myself to turn a blind eye to her craziness until I wasn't so reliant on her for childcare.

Oddly, I find it unsettling to see small children (i.e. in a pushcair) out late at night - by which I mean after 7 whether it's dark or not. I vaguely wonder what is the matter - of course, they are probably going home from visiting gran etc.
Not bad advice not to get into a lift alone, sometimes. Depends on the lift, the time of day and who else is around. So some of your DM's ideas are rationally based. Not getting haircuts on a Wednesday - interesting superstition, I wonder where it's from. I do not do washing on New Year's Day, a 'superstition' I picked up from my 2nd MiL - also handy as I don't want to do washing on New Year's Day! The meat and milk/dairy thing is a Jewish dietary law - which will originally have been based on health in hot countries - so where has this come from?
I think she's ok to leave DC with - no doubt she also avoids walking under ladders (rational - someone might drop something on you) and ok as long as it doesn't involve stepping into a busy road.
But if you are unhappy - which is what matters - then find a childminder.

I would try and find a local childminder or babysitter who won’t mind doing the extra hour until 6pm/6.30pm. my friend actually found one of the nursery workers was happy to do out of hours pick ups etc. obviously only works if they are not on shift!!

Your mum sounds like she is unwell. I’d say “mum your behaviour at the moment is concerning and I think you need some help from the doctor. I’m happy to go with you. Until you tackle it I can’t leave my child alone with you, sorry”