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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD going for a sleepover

54 replies

ErasLara · 24/11/2025 23:23

DD is 7, she is in Y3 and this year they have started sleep overs. The first sleep over was in September and my very close friend hosted the 4 girls, I trust her and would say she is a friend who is let babysit DD anyway. In October I hosted, during half term, only 3 of the girls as one was on holiday. Now this Saturday the next girl is meant to be hosting, her dad is a single dad, widowed. He seems nice enough, he was more present at school drop and pick up in Y1-2 but I think he’s gone back to work full time this year so I never actually see him in person. DD has been for play dates with this girl without me, but this has felt a little different as every time it’s been a day out, or once she was invited to a BBQ where they had a bouncy castle etc.
Anyway I’m suddenly feeling a bit uneasy about DD being there overnight. I know I shouldn’t be bothered by the fact he is a single dad, and I know the odds are extremely low that anything untoward would happen but I do think I feel more comfortable when there is a woman in the house. Mainly just in case DD were to have an accident and need help changing or something. I know it shouldn’t matter but I can’t seem to shake the feeling.
AIBU to feel a bit uneasy about letting DD go?

OP posts:
Beedeeoh · 24/11/2025 23:49

I think it would be more reasonable to say you wouldn't send her to any home with an adolescent or adult male in it than to say a woman needs to be there. If you're thinking about abuse, plenty of women enable or just don't know they live with an abuser, it's not really a protective factor. Pretty unfair to decide a dad with a wife is safe but a widowed dad isn't.

I don't think your logic about her needing help changing really stands up to scrutiny. Presumably she can usually manage that herself at 7, and if not he must help his own daughter all the time so it wouldn't be a big deal.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 24/11/2025 23:47

Does she often wet herself ?
or suffer from upset tummies meaning she has to change her underwear ?

Otherwise you are overthinking it with the ' having an accident ' and needing to change herself.

Does she not get herself dressed in the morning ?

Original poster
ErasLara · 24/11/2025 23:40

BeOchreGuide · 24/11/2025 23:37

I kind of get it, but his daughter shouldn't miss out because of the parental situation. You have no evidence of anything other than he's a man, which I think you get by the sounds of it.

7 is still young for sleepovers, my child is the same age and to be honest sleepovers aren't really a thing yet but I wouldn't feel comfortable yet unless family or very close friend. Is she ok staying out? Quite sensible?

I think if you can't get over it you could maybe suggest going over for everything and letting her 'stay up late', then picking her up if that was a feasible option. Just say she's worried about sleeping over but wants to still come if that feels better? Although she might have different ideas!!

DD is quite excited about going, I think it would be hard to swing it as “she doesn’t like staying out” as she has already done it.
I agree 7 is young but we decided as a group of parents to start now as they have a 2 night residential in May and we didn’t want that to be there first time away from home without a family member.
If I decide not to send DD, DH and Is plan is to go with we need to go and visit nanny and grandad as they need help with something in the house, and just telling the dad we’ve had a bit of a family crisis.

OP posts:
BeOchreGuide · 24/11/2025 23:37

I kind of get it, but his daughter shouldn't miss out because of the parental situation. You have no evidence of anything other than he's a man, which I think you get by the sounds of it.

7 is still young for sleepovers, my child is the same age and to be honest sleepovers aren't really a thing yet but I wouldn't feel comfortable yet unless family or very close friend. Is she ok staying out? Quite sensible?

I think if you can't get over it you could maybe suggest going over for everything and letting her 'stay up late', then picking her up if that was a feasible option. Just say she's worried about sleeping over but wants to still come if that feels better? Although she might have different ideas!!