To tell my ds not to 'drown his sorrows'

Haha it was me that suggested duolingo yeah it does sound naff 😆 I went to France at 19 and learnt to speak french very quickly ( au pair ) )which then helped me pick up some Spanish later on. Of course Brexit has made doing stuff like that alot more difficult , but if you’re at a loose end you can do worse than learn a language.

I feel the same about alcohol. It’s fine at parties or with a nice dinner once a week but I can’t stand it just for the sake of it. Îd hate my adult kids ro use it to drown their sorrows too.

You might find there's help from the job centre to persue the qualification.

One bottle of wine is hardly going to render a grown man completely legless.
Let him get on with it.

Is his work a manual job? Is that why he's had to take so much time off? His employer should try and help him get back into work before simply replacing him, surely? Is there any WFH option?

I hope he gets better soon and hopefully keeps his job. Just be supportive but no point telling him he's not supposed to drink.

Can he start work on the qualifications while sick?

I'd sit down and share the bottle with him. A bottle of vodka I'd have concerns, but not one bottle of wine as a one off.

Seems a bit harsh that he should lose his job. If he can go and buy wine can he really not be present at work at all? Is it a physical job?

I think you are right to steer him away from knocking back a bottle of wine! One or two glasses maybe, but no more.

Could you suggest that he emails his boss to say he understands, but hopes he can reapply as soon as he is better, as he loved the job and is gutted that the injury has put it in jeopardy.

Also, maybe as PP suggest, encourage other ways to get through it. I remember DS running a deep bath and disappearing into it for an hour with a tub of Ben & Jerry's and Saturday Night Live on a loop when his first girlfriend chucked him. I was very proud of him for lining up a bit of comfort instead of going deeper into his misery.

Hang on, did this injury happen at work? Has it been reported (accident book/hse/riddor - whatever body is appropriate)

if so then they can’t sack him easily, he’s entitled to be off sick

If I lost my job, dream or otherwise, I’d have a glass or two of wine. I don’t have a drinking problem nor do I think I’ll find the answers to life at the bottom of a glass but in the moment I’d want a drink.

You can’t really tell 19 year olds what to do, they think they know it all. I have one too who drinks alcohol more than I’d like, and hard as it is to watch we have to let them find their own way and make mistakes in doing so. I don’t drink either btw

It’s not a healthy coping technique. What are you struggling to understand?

As someone who absolutely would reach for a bottle of wine if I'd had such shit news, you're doing the right thing discouraging it. It's not a good habit to get into.

I mean it’s not the time to ask this question but I wonder why he thinks that would make him feel better? Yes it’s one night but is that how he’ll be dealing with disappointments going forward?

I would ‘try’ to gently discourage him and offer alternatives like watching a silly movie/show together, getting a takeaway, etc.

If he went ahead then you’d have to support him and look after him, I guess.

ETA

Just seen your update. Glad he applied for something. 6weeks sounds like ages but it’ll fly by. (He won’t thank you if you say that though!)

He’ll get through it. Although I’m in the everything happens for a reason camp so easy for me ( and annoying to some) to say.

Yep, and……?????

Turning to alcohol for me was a coping mechanism I learnt from my own parents. It’s been a lifelong battle for me to control. Every time I see my parents it’s like a conditioned response and I reach for a bottle of wine! Thankfully, my DH is not like this and my DC also drink alcohol rarely.

It’s likely more complicated for your DS than you are describing.

Wine at 19 is a strange choice of tipple these days.

If I lost my dream job at the ripe old age of 19 and my mum suggested Duolingo, I think I'd tell her to eff off!!!

Poor lad.

A couple of glasses of wine isn't going to do him any harm, but I agree, it shouldn't be a 'go to' when feeling sad as alcohol is a depressant.

Better to teach him resilience and positivity. Tell him to start looking for potential new jobs.

When you mention ratios I assume it's some sort of childcare/teaching/instructor type role. Is there any additional education or training he can be doing during the time hes off to support him applying for new roles when he's recovered?

He's 19 not 9! A movie with mummy is probably the last thing he feels like (might be manageable with a bottle or two of wine!)
It is one bottle* *after some bad news, at 19 if my parents had made a big deal about a bottle of wine I would have bought two to prove my point.
Is it the healthiest coping mechanism, no - obviously not but unless he is downing a bottle a night I really wouldn't worry.
The hysteria around alcohol on mn amazes me and there seems to be no resemblance (thankfully) to real life.

The answer never lies at the bottom of the wine bottle. You’re right to discourage him from drinking his problems away. Trust me, I know from bitter experience.