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Original poster

Worried about 13yo daughter

61 replies

Aconcernedmum43 · 24/11/2025 20:17

I am really worried about my 13 yo daughter and I am not sure if my worry is over the top or if people would be as genuinely concerned as me.

Previous history of domestic abuse with my daughters dad so that may be fuelling my reaction.

My daughter is involved with a boy of the same age as her. He has been displaying some quite some concerning behaviors towards her. For example, he was asking for her passwords and checking her phone and social media, asking her to end friendships with other boys and pressurising her to kiss him. I made her delete him from her phone and changed all her passwords. However, he managed to get in touch with her and told her it was none of my business and changed the settings to disappearing messages. I involved his parents and the school and attempted to keep him away and them apart but she continously sees him on and off in secret. I came across a message from him that said he couldn't trust her anymore because he was unable to check her phone but that he wanted 'to work on it together'.

I have tried everything and she just will not stay away from him. I just cannot get through to her.

She recently came home with bruises on her body that that she dismissed as them play fighting. She went on to tell me that they had been seeing each other again but that he wanted to end it because he told her his ''jealousy is too much''. I involved his parents again but on that very same day he was in touch with her again telling her to keep disappearing messages on and change the names in their phones. He has told her that his dad has said my daughter ''will be accussing him of raping her next.'' It doesn't matter what I do or what I say, she will not stay away from him and vice versa.

I now want to involve social services and maybe even the police as a safeguarding issue however some people have told me I am over reacting? I genuinely fear that my daughter is at risk from this boy, particularly if his behaviours begin to escalate and i am so anxious about it. I feel absolutely powerless in keeping them apart.

What are peoples thoughts on this?
If I report to social services, what action, if any, are they likely to take?

OP posts:
Ginflinger · 24/11/2025 20:43

I think you're completely right to worry. Trust your instincts. Good luck hope you and she are both ok.

SpanThatWorld · 24/11/2025 20:41

Police

Schools are very restricted as to what they can do with kids in these situations, particularly as it sounds like boy's dad won't be helpful.

Marvelettesyouremyremedy · 24/11/2025 20:41

He's a wee abuser in the making no wonder you're worried for your daughter.

ScrimMN · 24/11/2025 20:36

Involve the police before it’s too late. This is stalking behaviour and shouldn’t be taken lightly at all.

PoppySaidYesIKnow · 24/11/2025 20:34

If they won’t make a referral then you can do it, if you look up your local authority website there will be details on how to make a children’s social care referral. You could also speak with the NSPCC for some advice as it may be something that should be reported to the police.

GagMeWithASpoon · 24/11/2025 20:32

What you do is talk , talk , talk to her. About consent, and boundaries , healthy relationships and friendships . Involve her school again, do they have pastoral care /mental health lead that can take her out and talk it through with her? Keep her busy, homework, plans together, friends over , clubs , hobbies, chores, anything and everything. Tell her that no matter what you love her, you’re there for her and you will always listen.

Original poster
Aconcernedmum43 · 24/11/2025 20:29

PoppySaidYesIKnow · 24/11/2025 20:27

I would add that it is controlling and coercive behaviour and peer on peer abuse is part of school safeguarding training now.

I will definitely speak with the school again. Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aconcernedmum43 · 24/11/2025 20:28

PoppySaidYesIKnow · 24/11/2025 20:26

Speak to the safeguarding lead at school. They will be able to speak to social care and to your daughter separately. You can refer to social care yourself but yes you do need to do something. It’s escalating and there needs to be other agency involvement.

I have spoken with the school already. It really hasn't made any difference and they didn't escalate it.

OP posts:
PoppySaidYesIKnow · 24/11/2025 20:27

I would add that it is controlling and coercive behaviour and peer on peer abuse is part of school safeguarding training now.

PoppySaidYesIKnow · 24/11/2025 20:26

Speak to the safeguarding lead at school. They will be able to speak to social care and to your daughter separately. You can refer to social care yourself but yes you do need to do something. It’s escalating and there needs to be other agency involvement.

Member984815 · 24/11/2025 20:23

The bruises are very concerning, that and him getting her to change names in phones and disappearing messages .his father's comment also would make me worried. Getting social services involved sounds like a good option .

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