Worried about 13yo daughter

@Aconcernedmum43 yes I would report it the police too but in my area a team that also includes the Police would look at this case but every area is different so I would still report it to them

You couldn't be overreacting ENOUGH in my opinion! I'm sorry, I don't mean to scare you, but these things can escalate into something very serious.__

It’s a bit pricey but you can get a device called ‘brick’ that lets you block any app fully effectively from a smartphone, so you can completely block snapchat and all browsers (need to make sure you do separately block all browsers or there are loopholes), then have whatsapp messages duplicate on your computer, and you’ll be able to check location and she won’t be left out of group chats but without the ability to use other apps

She’s 13. She can have friends over to the house.

Shes a child. You get to say who comes to your house. There’s no reason for her to be off in groups.

Mine wasn’t allowed that and he’s turned out just fine and very independent. My daughter is about to turn 12. She will not be allowed to go out and about either.

Thats how you keep them out of situations like this.

You can also take away her phone. Buy her a brick one if she’s coming to and from school so she can only contact you. Check it to make sure you know any added contacts and check messages.

Where is she seeing this boy? At school?

If not, I’d question why a 13 year old is allowed to be out seeing who she likes. We are all different, but I’ve been through teenage years with my now 23 year old. They were not allowed to wander around and see/do as they pleased. 13 years old is still a child.

Im wondering whether you have ever talked honestly and vulnerably about the dv which you suffered? Not in a teaching “I got out which was the sensible decision “ type way. But in a “it was so confusing for me, I couldn’t get my head straight, everyone said he was bad news but he made me feel loved” type way?
It would need some thinking about how to approach it if the perpetrator was her dad, but it might connect in a way that other conversations haven’t?

It doesn't sound like she's ready for a phone - maybe take it back until she's a bit older? And have her come straight back from school - you can't have her in his house, perhaps when his parents aren't there.

Seconded on the advice about contacting social services.

Just to add, my argument is that she hasn't demonstrated enough maturity to have access to a smart phone or social media. Handing over your devices and passwords to other people is incredibly unsafe and unwise for all sorts of reasons.

I have a 13yo for context. At that age you absolutely can ground her, or take her phone and give her a brick phone instead (you pay the phone bill!). You are the boss. I would personally put her on a brick. My son knows that I reserve the right to do that if he's irresponsible with his phone.

You could get an AirTag for her keys if she had a dumb phone

That didn't need saying.

Problem with the dumb phone is the lack of tracker. I’d be wanting to see where she is right now.

I also agree with giving her a dumb phone and you know the passwords. He could be asking her for nudes. You have her phone at night. You keep checking it every night.
No Snapchat also.

If she won't do what you ask she has no phone. Tell her she can go to the school secretary if she needs to ring you. Try and have him and her in separate classes.
Get teachers and pastoral staff to watch them as much as possible. Get them to keep splitting them up through the day.

His parents obviously don't care about what he is up to so the police need to be involved also.

At this stage I would ring the police and social services about him. Take the phone off your daughter. Find the biggest man you know and get him to collect her from school each day.
Ring the school and tell them you want to speak the school principal. Tell the school principal what is happening and unless him/her start to act upon what you told them about him the police will be in school.

Your right to be worried about this lad. Tell your daughter that what he is doing to her is wrong and she does not have to do what he wants or do what he says.
She is 13. Your the adult here and it time for social services and the police to be involved. This lad needs to be stopped.

I know that some girls seem to think they are nothing without a boyfriend but she is 13. She may not like what your doing now but she can't deal with this and your the adult here.

I'd be inclined to give her a dumb phone with no camera now, OP. Teenagers can get pressured through nudes that they've sent and had screenshoted. You can't stop him seeing her at school, from the sounds of it, although I would be keeping a conversation open with school about it and making them put them in separate classes. You can do everything possible to keep them apart outside of school and to stop communication.

Yanbu. There's no point in any further dealing with his parents. He has learned this behavior at home.

You need to escalate.

Please take control of her phone. Her bedroom should be a phone free zone when she goes to bed, left with you & regularly checked. Passwords are shared with you. If she breaks your trust, give her a dumb phone.

Do you have a tracker on it?

Yanbu, she may hate you for it now but one day she’ll realise. I just hope social services can actually do anything. It is a very very worrying situation, how is he this twisted at 13?

I’m not sure social services will do anything

I say police as well. Your daughter is in danger from this little scrote. He needs a rocket up his arse