Hi all.
Just need some direction to understand if I can be doing things differently.
I have 2 DD with ex H - DD13 and DD11.
Have been seperated / divorced since 2015-2017.
ExH has always been difficult through marriage divorce and post life. For no reason at all. Difficult with money childcare arrangements everything.
unless things go his way he will be difficult so have adopted the method of just giving in to him when he wants favours/swaps weekends etc.
Note for my milestone birthday which fell on his weekend with DD he decided to go away for the whole month and didn't see the girls for a month and I had to rearrange my birthday plans to include them.
I have another DD3 whose birthday falls on the weekend ExH has children. I asked to swap and he said fine. I offered any weekend in return.
His birthday was last month - he expected the girls to miss their swimming/ after school clubs so he can collect early at 430 so he could go away with his friends for the evening. For context he always picks up the DD's after 830pm on a Friday evening.
I said no to his request as DD had a swimming assessment she couldn't miss. He flipped his lid.
and now has booked a light show for the weekend my DD3s bday party is planned for and has told our DD13 and DD11 the plans and trying to convince them to tell me they want to go to their dads for fear of missing out.
I'm so angry at Ex but it comes as no surprise. He messaged DD13 saying because I didn't let him collect them earlier his bday weekend he will teach me a lesson and not swap weekends and if I kept them for DD3 party (his weekend) he will not see the girls for 4 weeks because of me. He full on emotionally involves her and she is visibily uncomfortable to the point she said can I talk to him about things and not her in the future.
I offered to the girls they can be dropped off day of party earlier to dads so they can make both party and light show. They said no. But I fear they blame me for being difficult.
What can I / should I do?