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AIBU?

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Original poster

How unreasonable would it be to lie about my son’s age so he can join our gym?

184 replies

WinoLino · 24/11/2025 17:41

He’s 14. Getting into things he shouldn’t be getting into a bit. I think the gym would be a great distraction. Me, his dad and his 18 year old sister all go to the gym. It’s aged 16 and up though. I’m a rule follower at all times so I’m not saying we will do it. However, how unreasonable would it be if we were to say he is 16? Is it even possible, thinking they might want to see ID.

He will train only with us and his dad really knows what he’s doing (has spent his whole life training in the gym) so the risk of injury is lessened but of course it’s there nonetheless. Am I not thinking straight?

OP posts:
Winterwonderwhy · 24/11/2025 18:35

DustyMaiden · 24/11/2025 18:00

Why would you teach him to lie to get his own way?

This. Especially if he’s already getting up to stuff, this would only teach him worse. Also they would absolutely check when you sign him up

Original poster
WinoLino · 24/11/2025 18:33

@MollyMollyMandy33It did feel like a dilemma because I really want(ed) him to go and it didn’t feel like a huge issue. But seeing all these perspectives is changing my mind. I’m not too proud to say that I do often change my mind after hearing others. I like to think I’m quite flexible in my thinking.

OP posts:
Original poster
WinoLino · 24/11/2025 18:31

@Ted27I do wonder if he does feel excluded although he says not and we don’t all go together on account of us being separated. But even so, I would.

OP posts:
MollyMollyMandy33 · 24/11/2025 18:30

WinoLino · 24/11/2025 17:58

@LamentingalwaysThank you, I completely agree! No I wouldn’t sue in a million years, wouldn’t cross my mind to. Oh what a dilemma Confused

It’s not a dilemma through, is it?
Im sorry if this sounds unkind, but the gym has those rules for a reason. And you will be teaching your son that’s it’s ok to lie to get something he wants. That is a really poor lesson to teach any child. They will probably check ID anyway, but if they don’t and something happens, as he is a child it might be a bigger deal. If they find out he’s 14, then the gym will be in trouble too, whether or not you want that.
So no you shouldn’t do it, it’s not fair on the gym or the other users and sorry but it’s not good patenting to teach your child to lie and then have to keep it going.

Original poster
WinoLino · 24/11/2025 18:30

@twinklebiglight that’s reminded me actually that ex DH did talk about taking him to a boxing gym at some point as DH himself used to box. I’ll mention that to him, thank you!

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 24/11/2025 18:29

Badminton is fun and you could all play together as doubles.

Original poster
WinoLino · 24/11/2025 18:27

@Anna20MFGme and his father are separated and do not live together. He is a member of two different gyms, one of which I go to with our daughter. The plan was always for our son to join either one really, whichever is most convenient at the time. We were just considering pulling it forward as he has used alcohol and/or weed in the past two months on 3 or 4 occasions.

I’m not sure why you have put “for some reason it’s too inconvenient “. I’ve said the reasons it’s hard to join other gyms. They cost a lot more and are not near where we both live (10 mins from one another). Maybe it’s worth considering at some point but for now I like that my gym is 8 mins away.

OP posts:
herbalteabag · 24/11/2025 18:27

My son joined the gym legitimately at 15 but the gym rules were that he could only be there at certain times and some equipment was not allowed. He decided to go on what he wanted anyway but was quickly told that he couldn't.
As everyone says, it's because of insurance. It's not just that you might sue( you said you wouldn't) but if he had a serious accident there would be an investigation outside your control.

RaininSummer · 24/11/2025 18:27

Could you take up running as a family?

snoopythebeagle · 24/11/2025 18:26

WinoLino · 24/11/2025 18:16

Any advice regarding how to help 14 year old boys feel better about themselves without resorting to alcohol or weed?

Sports or a club of some kind. Boxing, Judo, Martial Arts etc.

Ted27 · 24/11/2025 18:24

@WinoLino
If you and your DH and DD all go to the gym maybe he feels excluded. Can you not find a sport you can do together?
For various reasons my son was a bit tricky at that age. I found bashing tennis balls about quite useful. Also swimming, he would thrash up and down the pool, Id watch from the bubble pool

twinklebiglight · 24/11/2025 18:22

Have you thought about a local boxing club?
Boxing teaches physical and mental discipline, confidence, resilience, and self-control, while also serving as an effective outlet for stress and a way to build discipline. Through its physical and mental demands, it helps individuals improve their focus, problem-solving skills, and overall well-being by providing a strong sense of accomplishment and a healthy way to channel emotions.
Where in the country are you Op?

Anna20MFG · 24/11/2025 18:22

Sorry if I'm barking up the wrong tree. But it sounds as if you've joined a gym that everyone in the family can use except your son. And for some reason it is too inconvenient to go elsewhere. I'd get your dh to find somewhere he can go and train with ds.

Sunshineismyfavourite · 24/11/2025 18:21

WinoLino · 24/11/2025 18:16

Any advice regarding how to help 14 year old boys feel better about themselves without resorting to alcohol or weed?

It would have to be something outside of the home like a club - he will think anything with his parents is 'lame' I would imagine!
Rugby club (brilliant for discipline), any kind of sports club, police cadets, Matt Fiddes martial arts (any kind of martial arts), music lessons (possibly online with his guitar?) is there a group linked to his school that supports young people at risk of offending - not that I'm suggesting he is at risk but it might be worth asking?

NuffSaidSam · 24/11/2025 18:18

WinoLino · 24/11/2025 18:16

Any advice regarding how to help 14 year old boys feel better about themselves without resorting to alcohol or weed?

It is finding a hobby. That is the solution.

It's finding which hobby that is the problem as you're finding. Particularly, when the bad decisions have already started.

What do you have locally in terms of sports, clubs, activities?

Original poster
WinoLino · 24/11/2025 18:16

Any advice regarding how to help 14 year old boys feel better about themselves without resorting to alcohol or weed?

OP posts:
Original poster
WinoLino · 24/11/2025 18:15

@Redpeach and @LamentingalwaysI know, to be fair I expected to get more of a flaming than I actually have!

OP posts:
snoopythebeagle · 24/11/2025 18:13

WinoLino · 24/11/2025 18:08

@snoopythebeagle they are too expensive or too far away

Then he'll have to wait until he's 16 and you can sign him up for something more affordable in the meantime.

Redpeach · 24/11/2025 18:12

WinoLino · 24/11/2025 18:05

Ok ok, you’ve all convinced me it’s a terrible idea. We don’t have a council gym as far as I know. He will not go for scouts, no way. He’s getting a guitar for Christmas so let’s hope that keeps him occupied for now. Thank you all for being kind 😊

Mumsnet is not the place to come to ask about breaking rules

isthesolution · 24/11/2025 18:12

Find another gym that is from 14 up?!

Overitallnow · 24/11/2025 18:10

Is there a local boxing club or something like that for boys?

NuffSaidSam · 24/11/2025 18:10

WinoLino · 24/11/2025 18:05

Ok ok, you’ve all convinced me it’s a terrible idea. We don’t have a council gym as far as I know. He will not go for scouts, no way. He’s getting a guitar for Christmas so let’s hope that keeps him occupied for now. Thank you all for being kind 😊

Scouts is so good, but you do have to sign them up to Beavers when they're six and get them in that way! Very hard to convince a 14 year old to join!

What about army cadets? That's maybe slightly more palatable...

Gassylady · 24/11/2025 18:09

Could you not invest in some basic kit for the house to all use together there. A bench and adjustable dumbbells maybe

Original poster
WinoLino · 24/11/2025 18:08

@snoopythebeagle they are too expensive or too far away

OP posts:
Redpeach · 24/11/2025 18:08

DustyMaiden · 24/11/2025 18:00

Why would you teach him to lie to get his own way?

Don't most teens/people lie about their age at some point, its hardly makes one a mastermind criminal