If you have a very long term or life-long single friend / relative (or you are one yourself) how do you treat them (you are treated)?

The thing is I think people regardless of whether they're single or married are just really flaky and bad at socialising these days...so I wouldn't necessarily put it down to the fact you're long term single.

I think this is a good attitude and I'm sorry your friends have stopped making the effort now they have kids. It's why just saying 'I treat single and coupled friends the same, why would it be any different?' is disingenuous - there are clearly activities that single and childless people won't get much out of and if you only ever see your friends at child-centred activities (even if a single friend was nominally invited) then the friendship is going to wane and people will feel left out.

A family relative lives alone and works (reasonable salary) and yes we find it hard to communicate with them at times. They often don’t contact us - we contact them. Their friendship circle is very small but they struggle with social skills.

I have a friend that is 60 they adopted a child over 15 years ago and live alone and have never had a boyfriend and never been in a relationship. Lots of friends and very very sociable. No different to other friends.
We discussed dating once and she said she would have liked to but no one ever asked her out. She’s bubbly and outgoing and a shame really 🤔 as she implied she would love a partner but now too set in her ways etc parents were very religious

Two male friends never had a girlfriend and not gay. No confidence and nerds. They frighten women off by talking about marriage and kids. We see them socially but they often don’t get involved or say they are busy.

I hope I don’t treat them differently but it depends on the reason for being single. I have a friend with two adult children who is a total nightmare with men and relationship and drama and either chooses unsuitable men, eg married or can’t have sex or something and is very woe me but the reality is / it’s her - her whole life revolves around herself. Long periods single. It was exhausting so I had to walk away from the friendship.

The majority rarely get in touch. They do things with their families, their ‘couple friends’ and their ‘mummy friends’. I was very popular to hang out with in my 20s, I am a lot of fun! But I’m not in the stage of life that they are.

It hurts, I feel sad, but I try not to get bitter. It’s just the way it is. I am just focusing on my own wider family members and on making other friends. It takes time. I haven’t crossed the old ones off the Christmas card list, perhaps they’ll have time for me again when their kids have flown and they are divorced or widowed. We might be best friends again when we’re 80. I try never to close a door.

Surely being single or not makes no difference to how you should be treated? I have married and single family members and friends, and treat them all in a similar way. Hopefully they all feel like I value them and am kind and respectful.

I suppose it would depend on whether I thought the long-term singleness was something they wanted for themselves or not. Assuming it isn't, I do try and be empathetic to the difficulties of dating and single life, I fully remember how difficult I found it to meet my current partner, and I know life in a couple is easier in a lot of ways too. At the same time, I wouldn't want to convey any pity or anything, fully aware single people are often the subject of it and that's annoying too - you can feel sad about not having a partner and still have a great and full lie in other ways. I suppose on the whole I'd just try and give them space to share how they feel about their life with me, if they want to, and try and be interested in/ encouraging about potential partners if they want to talk about them. Ultimately I do think (and I say this from experience of both sides) that long-term single people need friends in the same situation because it's hard to truly understand how it feels unless you're in it - also it's not always great hanging out with a load of couples when you're single

How do I treat them?

My friend has been single for over 20 years. I call her regularly and invite her to my house to stay. When she comes I make an effort, cook great food, provide a lovely room, a nice brunch the following day and we laugh a lot. She knows she could call me any time, even in the middle of the night, if there was something I could help with. I send her flowers and presents and cards sometimes - recently a book we'd been discussing which I knew she wouldn't buy for herself. She has sometimes brought one of her adult children with her and they're very welcome as well.

How does she treat me?

She's brilliant and pretty much always answers the phone if I call. Sometimes we talk for over 2 hours. She gives great advice. If I wanted to go and see her she'd welcome me.

We are really truly honest with each other because we've known each other such a long time but that's fine because even if we disagree we do it respectfully. We are kind to each other. I love her dearly and love having her in my life.

I have a friend who I've known for over 30 years ...she has never had a boyfriend that I've met although I know she's been on the occasional date. I don't think I treat her any differently to any of my other friends who are married or with partners.