MIL Christmas present demand

Kindly YABU.

I can sort of understand. For my son’s first Christmas/birthday my MIL spent an extortionate amount of money on a huge range of bigs toys. Car garage, musical instruments, ride on car etc. I was really upset as I felt he had been gifted stuff that I would have liked to pick and spread out through the early years.

husband spoke to her, she now gets him a medium sized gift. And puts £50 in premium bonds. It works better for us all, he still gets a gift and our house isn’t cluttered!

She sounds R, could you write a list of a few things that would complement whatever it is you are buying your DC?

Sometimes, people don't have the 'cash' to gift. They can purchase presents on cards or payment plans e.g Klarna/Paypal but can't convert this to cash.

I don't think she's in the wrong for wanting to give her grandchild an actual present that the kid can unwrap though? Most people can remember the way they felt when they unwrapped a present from a relative that was just what they'd been wishing for, and want to help create that feeling in their children and grandchildren.

If MIL wants to help her GD save when she's older she can choose to give her cash, but you can't force that either way. You can't demand your MIL gives money instead of a gift, you can't actually make her. Be gracious, and grateful that your child's grandparent wants to make her GD happy.

I agree that YABU here. I think it’s normal for a grandparent to want to get a gift. Why don’t you ask her if she’d like some ideas of things your child hasn’t got or would like? I don’t think you should specifically ask for cash in this instance.

Strikes me that you're the one who's "demanding" @User28884995

When my dd was younger MIL decided without asking to give a large range of other presents which were kind of things which we would have wanted to give and which took away from what we as parents were able to do.

I’m with MIL here. Why couldn’t you have put something away in her savings account instead?

Gift giving isn’t just about transaction. It’s about relationship and connection.

Get a Yoto and ask everyone for Yoto cards.

Just because you aren't "in a position to put savings aside at the moment" for your DC doesn't mean that you make request your MIL do it for you, especially year on year.
Having no idea how old your DC are what's the difference between MIL buying your DC, say something from Smyths toys as opposed to a voucher from the same shop?

If you're so bothered about space and your DC's savings building up how come you don't leave your MIL to buy your DC a present and you put the majority, or all of the money you were going to spend on presents into their account yourself.

Could you suggest a compromise and ask for some money for savings and a small gift to open. Hard to know without an age but vouchers and money are boring to younger kids at Christmas.

My DDs send me links to a range of gifts to buy my grandchildren and I choose one of those. I wouldn’t like to just give them money / vouchers.

I can see that it's problematic if MIL wants to gift a fuck off massive dolls house, for example, which you have no room for

But if she wants to give smaller gifts which are store-able that's fair enough

If MIL is giving the same gifts which you've already purchased for your daughter then you'll need to negotiate with MIL

I can understand that you'd like to build savings for your child but cant afford to do that yourself. Sadly you can't force people to give cash instead of a gift

I think she wants to give them something she can see them enjoying. I understand why putting the money into savings is the more sensible option but equally can see why she’d want to watch them opening something physical. They won’t understand the importance of savings at their age but will enjoy a toy. Just think of smaller toys/books they’d enjoy and suggest those.

YABU you don't get to dictate how others spend their money. You're coming across really selfishly in your OP.

This is how to suck the joy out of Christmas in one fell swoop. There are plenty of years when the grandchildren will actually want money, let her and them enjoy the "toy" years.

So you get the joy of giving gifts but your MIL doesn't?

Very selfish of you.

Suggest something she can buy or ask her to just buy one gift only.

But no gifts from a grandparent is joyless.

When does your child get to spend their gifted money and what kind of things would they buy? Can’t you just suggest something your child would rather buy?

This. She wants to give something that gives the child pleasure now not some time in the future. The child wont be comparing gifts from parents or grandparents. .

How many young kids want 'money in their accounts for the future' vs something tangible from their grandparents? Butt out.

Of course she wants to buy an actual present that she see’s her use, you’re being very weird about it.

She doesn't want to give her grandchildren's parents money, she wants to give her grandchildren present to open! It's YOUR job to save for your children; it's HER job to delight her grandchildren with whatever their little hearts yearn for this year. Sorry, but you're the one overstepping and you're the one placing the demands!

^This. How about you put money in the savings account if its so important to you?

We always let relatives buy the gifts and we did the savings. They got the savings as their 18th present - over £10K each so it was really great. You're wrong in what you say, PIL doing this is allowed you to do som much more - the savings you are so keen for your dc to have can be provided by you.

You've taken away the joy of actually giving from them.

Yes. I can't imagine my daughter refusing to allow me that part of Christmas.

I communicate with my daughter, mentioning things I've seen that I think my DGDs would like, and asking her if there's anything she knows that they might be longing for. Then I use that information to choose the gift that will make the DGDs happy, and that my DD is comfortable with them getting.

Watching your DGCs open their gift is a really special part of Christmas. If I was restricted to putting money in their savings account, I'd think my daughter had either lost her mind, or become incredibly selfish and money grabbing overnight.

How about you give your child cash for Christmas and let your ILs give a toy? No? Is it because it feels nicer to give a child something fun that they can unwrap?