MIL Christmas present demand

Imagine you’re in the position of wanting to give your grandchild a present that they’ll remember and associate with you?

Money is so impersonal and the children will never associate it with you.

Maybe I'm wrong but it sounds like your MIL is buying gift in quantity or quality that you can't afford to buy yourself so it feels like she's overshadowing you as parents?

I think it's reasonable for her to want to buy a gift instead of giving cash but I do think it would be quite insensitive of her if it was the case that she was buying volumes of expensive gifts in stark disparity to what you can afford yourselves. But I think the difference would have to be quite significant and more than a one off to insensitive.

I can understand that as a parent you'd like to be able to provide the main source of excitement at Christmas time and not have it provided by someone else year on year.

Obviously if she just wants to buy a gift similar to what you can provide instead of cash then that's completely reasonable.

The title of your thread says it all - I thought your MIL was demanding a certain present for herself! Turns out, she'd just like the pleasure of giving her grandchild a gift.

Only unacceptable present would be a trumpet (or a grand piano lol). Or slime. Actually a few more unacceptable presents come to mind. But if it isn't noisy or messy or huge just put on a smile and say thank you.

Sounds quite grabby

Does she live next door and wanted to see more of her grandchildren? 😂Boing!

When my dd was younger MIL decided without asking to give a large range of other presents which were kind of things which we would have wanted to give and which took away from what we as parents were able to do.

But can't you see how this works both ways? You didn't want to be the one to end up giving your DD a boring present of money for her savings account because all the good options were gone, you wanted to see her happy little face when she opened a gift that would delight her.

Well her grandma wants that too. It's not an unreasonable thing to want. Surely there is a middle ground to be found here? You can't lay down the law to people about what they can and cannot buy as gifts. Just give the woman some suggestions and stop being so controlling and mardy about it.

You sound controlling op. Also get a grip it's one present

Why don’t you put money in savings instead and let others buy gifts?

YABU. It’s not up to you. She shouldn’t have to ask your permission to give her GD a gift. You shouldn’t be dictating that grandparents only give money. Unless she’s planning g on getting the same gift you are, you should be happy for your child and let them enjoy giving the gift. It’s not grandparents’ responsibility to top up your children’s savings account.

In the nicest possible way, I think it’s lovely that she wants to gift something nice for her granddaughter. It’s much worse if that wasn’t the case. My children were gifted a load of cheap, thoughtless tat by my family (very well off financially).

I do understand you wanting to give her nice things as well, but I think you should pick your battles.

Quite. What a joyless way of looking at Christmas. Poor MIL.

You don't say how old your children are but I can't imagine them getting nothing from Granny at Christmas or being told that money had been put in there account for them that they can't have. My Mum always spends half her budget on gifts for her grandchildren and half her budget putting money in there accounts that I don't ask for and the kids didn't know about when they were younger.

I think the comment about "taking things away from you" is a bit of a immature thing to say, his parents aren't taking things away from you they are if anything helping by taking some of the expense from you. I get it might feel like stealing your thunder if its things you can't afford but overall I think the positives outweigh the negatives.

Agree. I also like the fact she is asking (because one of the grandparents in our family used to just bring anything he'd found at the car boot sale, and often these weren't safe for under 3s, and I hate to sound rude or ungrateful for presents).
Maybe giving MIL a list of presents you like, but which won't clash with/duplicate yours is the way to go? Or go shopping with her. My mum used to take the grandmas out shopping with her, while the grandads babysat. They all lived a few hours apart at that time, so they all just caught a train to the biggest city that was in the middle. I couldn't do that due to weekend work and one of the grandparents being against it, but it sounds like MIL is keen so she might do it.

You’re being unnecessarily unkind to her. It’s perfectly normal to want to get your grandchildren a physical gift that they will associate with the giver.

So send her a gift idea they will like.

It’s normal for a grandparent to want to give their grandchild a physical gift at Christmas. It’s cheeky and tacky to expect them to hand over cash instead.

As PP have said, suggestions are a bit hard to make without knowing DD’s age but, if space is the problem, could you suggest something that DD really wants but is also useful and she needs; The latest backpack for school that all the cool kids have? The trendy dance shoes if she dances? Has she outgrown any uniform for something like Brownies? Lessons in something she’s been nagging you to try (possibly plus associated kit/clothing etc)?

I don’t think it’s unreasonable at all in MIL’s part. Money can be impersonal for some people.

Also you cannot blame MIL for getting gifts that you wanted to give or feel like you should have gave. It sounds like you are a little jealous she is in a position to do this as you mentioned savings and not being in a position to do this.

Maybe discuss gifts or send links to things your daughter would appreciate.

Children love to receive presents, especially if it is something that they really want. They usually aren't interested in cash or vouchers until they are older. Don't take that away from them.

My mother always bought the great grand children a classic book. She died a few years ago but they treasure their bookshelves of books.

I’m the MIL in this situation. The parents of one DGS aged 8 only ever want trainers for him at Christmas. (They’re not poor.) We’d be happy to buy those any time. The parents of two DGD (aged 6 and 11)want cash for their savings accounts and on one memorable occasion, requested for the girls birthdays, door furniture for their new bedroom refurbs. (They’re well off). 🤷‍♀️

Sorry, OP, but it's none of your business! Be thankful that your DCs have grandparents who care about what they want. Your finances might be tight, but it shouldn't influence your MILs gifting choices.

that's easy, the big bulky shit stay at grand-parents!

We've done that with gold fish and the big fish tank that went with it. MIL was very miffed when we confirmed it stayed at hers 😂.

YABTU! Your poor MIL! I for one would be grateful for anything my DC got for a gift. My DM & DF have always just given my DC money every Christmas as they are quite elderly and don’t have the opportunity. ( Live on a small place, lots of health issues). You seem so ungrateful. As one PP put, they’re not going to be around forever, cherish these days whilst your DD still believes in the magic of Christmas. Stop being so nasty to your MIL who is only being nice.