MIL Christmas present demand

OK if this was a present for you and you get tat you wanna throw in the bin, weird pet peeve but maybe.
But this is a present not for you but for your childand you're being very mean spirited over this. You make it into some competition in your head, or maybe there are specific things you want to get with the money she gives. She wants to treat a grandchild, not stuff them with cashfor you to spend, it's not really hard to get why.

No child I’ve ever met wakes up on Christmas morning hoping they’ll get a deposit in their savings account. As practical as that is from a parental point of view, your MIL wants to give some joy to her grandchild. I think you’re a grinch and YABU.

Why not accept gracefully and gratefully

You are unreasonable to demand money. Gift giving is supposed to be a pleasure for both the giver and the receiver (neither of which is you).

It’s you who’ve overstepped. She didn’t offer you money, she offered a gift and when someone offers a gift it is extremely rude to say “no thanks I’ll have cash”.

We have a similar arrangement with my parents. They give dc annual passes to local attractions as their main Christmas present, but as my Mum wanted to give them something to unwrap she does a Christmas box too, with sweets/chocolates/other consumables, a bit like a stocking, all individually wrapped. They love it. Could something like this work for her?

I'm with your MiL here, I'd be mortified telling my parents that No they can't buy my kids a Christmas present, they should just pay money into a bank account. Children know its Christmas, they know their grandparents love them, surely they expect a gift and nothing beats seeing a child unwrap something youve carefully chosen, theyre always so gleeful. Advise on something dd will like, use or consume and then tick it off your list as something you don't need to buy. Who cares which person gives her the gift, the important thing is dd has people who love her and gifts she adores.

Am I the only person who expected a thread entitled “MIL Christmas present demand” to be a thread about a MIL demanding a Christmas present?!? Geez. Does your daughter not need anything at all? Shoes? A coat? Pyjamas? Slippers? Dressing gown? Towels? A swimming costume? A set of bedding? A blanket? Your poor MIL.

A gift is exactly that—a gift. The giver doesn’t even have to ask you what you want—they can just rock up with whatever. And as the recipient, your job is to smile and say thank you—then decide what you want to do with the gift afterward.

Now is a good time to sort out the toy box and donate any unwanted or outgrown toys to a charity shop. Then other parents have the opportunity to buy Christmas gifts for their children if they are on a tight budget. This will create more room for your daughter’s Christmas gifts. Grandparents get a lot of joy from giving gifts to their grandchildren, and children love to open a present. When you are a child a monetary gift is not as exciting as it is for grown ups.

I don’t think it’s the grandparent that’s being demanding in this situation. Since when did parents think they have the right to dictate what presents other people buy their children?

Fair enough to ask that others don’t give big ticket presents that would come from parents or Santa, but it’s not ok to specify money only and then act like you’re hoard fine by just because a grandparent wants to buy a normal present.

so let’s slightly reverse this. Imagine the grandparent gives a thoughtfully chosen gift, and you, the parent, put money into the child’s bank account and don’t give them anything else.

When the child is an adult, they will have years of happy memories of being given a lovely gift by a grandparent. Or sometimes one that missed the mark. And they will, in time, be grateful for a small deposit for a house, but may well feel that their parent had not put effort or thought into the child’s wishes when growing up.

Would you make that choice as the parent? If not, why do you want the child to feel that about their grandparent?

Surely you are using the voucher to buy something? So let her buy the gift instead of the voucher.

Are you using the voucher and saying the item is from you?

You sound awfully controlling

It's very mean to deny them the joy of gift giving and seeing the joy on a child's face when they open the gift.

Plenty of things don't take up too much space e.g. books, lego, mini brands, magazine subscriptions (SO many good kids' ones out there!), a zoo pass or a theatre/cinema trip.

Space is an issue at my house so we suggest things to our parents/siblings that our kids actually want/need/will use - not necessarily toys, but sometimes it has been things like new coats and fun wellies, ballet clothes or piano books.

I think it’s unreasonable (and controlling) to expect a grand parent not to buy presents for their grandchildren

...we have politely said some money for our children’s savings account or a voucher

There's nothing polite about asking for money or a voucher as a gift. It's crass.

Grandparents naturally want the joy of seeing the pleasure a real gift gives their grandchildren.

You complain about lack of space but then say it takes away from what you get them so no wonder that excuse doesnt wash with them..I only now gift my adult neice and nephew cash - I wouldn't have when thry were young as sil would laugh about times shes 'borrowed' from kids rooms to pay cash for a takeaway. Gift giving has become so transactional its depressing I prefer to choose a gift for the person rather than being told what to buy

Let the poor woman given her grandkids an actual present …… you can give them money in their account!! Not the same is it??
At least it sounds like she checks in with you regarding the actual gift. YABVU.

Oh my goodness OP you are getting a hard time here!!! My now adult kids generally got a few gifts at Christmas and Birthday: a Lego set they wanted, a book, a clothes item and stocking fillers like pens socks chocolates etc They also had money from family put into their savings acounts/ISA's which means they may now have the opportunity to purchase a property with a partner and a mortgagae! I cant bare the overconsumption at Christmas, people buy things for buying sake. So much ends in landill too. Even with my "controlling and grabby" requets we still ended up with duplicate items.
See if you can reach a compromise OP with maybe half and half

i always make sure my mum and MIL have a gift to give my children. It just means such a lot than just money. Now mine are teens they do get money from aunts and uncles but definitely not from grandparents.
giving money is just not the same.

Most of the pleasure for Grandparents is seeing the child's reaction to the gift they have lovingly chosen for them - why would you deprive your child and your MIL from such a nice experience ?
It sounds like you are punishing her for her generosity on one occasion.
You could just tell her to buy one specific present that your child/children would really like. You can always make space for new presents - just give older toys to charity or sell them if needed.

My SIL used to do this and they were using the money for the family. Now we only give her children present or at a push a voucher.

I think it’s only natural for your MIL to want to give a present. To see how delighted the kids are. Surely you want the kids to have a magical Christmas. Not sure how magical a few quid in their Revolut is.

YOU are being demanding and controlling.

You do not get to dictate what someone else gives as a gift and the gift isn't even for you so your feelings on it matter very little. You are neither giver nor receiver so you stay out of it.

Making them need your 'approval' to have a normal relationship with their grand kid (buy a christmas present is about as normal as it comes) is abusive of you.

Save it for when there is a hill to be dead on.

I wouldn't say it's your MIL with the demand, it's you.

It's a gift, she's on obliged to bend to your demand of money for a savings account... Why don't you buy less and invest in a savings account if that's what is important to you.

At the end of the day you have to accept it's not a competition & grandparents should be allowed to give gifts if they want to.

Christmas isn't about you. Or your mil.

It's about the children.

And I'm pretty sure your daughter would far rather receive a gift, than ten times its value in her savings account.

And if you can't afford to give her many/any gifts, that's fair enough. But to deny her the joy of receiving a gift, and your mil the joy of giving the gift, because you're not feeling flush this year, is dismal.

Swallow your pride. Parents usually give their kids the 'big' present. If you can't afford it and someone else wants to - what's best for the kid?