MIL Christmas present demand

It’s not often I side with the MiL on these sorts of threads, but you sound really grabby. Can you really not see why a grandmother would rather give a physical gift to her grandchild, that’s fun to open, instead of cash or a voucher?

It's definitely normal. If space is a big issue, I would think of physically smaller gifts she could buy or go in the direction of clothes etc that she needs. How about a new coat? Or bedding set or something? Also can't really have too many books.

My ILs drive me crazy as even when we give suggestions they still show up with massive boxes full of bits and bobs all wrapped up, as if they are trying to compete with us and Santa combined, but it is what it is! We are just thankful our kids are loved and thought about, and some things do get re-gifted/donated etc.

I think you’re missing the spirit of Christmas a wee bit … I do understand how you feel but Christmas is about sharing love and joy, I can’t wait to spoil my grandchildren, and love to see my parents and MIL do the same to theirs. I do think you are getting hung up on the small things and not seeing the bigger picture of what matters. Sometimes things like this annoy me but I take a deep breath… lean into it, message your mil , share ideas and tell her what you’re buying, what you’re excited about, what she could add. I promise you will feel better than the tightness in your chest you are experiencing right now x

Overstepped?? That’s a fucking laugh !

Perfectly reasonable for her to want to give an actual gift. Just pick something from what you intend to buy and have her buy it. That’s what I always did.

Another precious parent over their MIL.

Get a grip.

As someone said earlier, its a present for them not you!

You can't control everything and everyone around you.

There’s lots of people that would spend their kids’ birthday money and if MIL knows money is tight it might be a real worry that it’s not going to her Grandchild’s future. Also, OP should have guided MIL to make suitable choices as gifts, she’s had a few years to get it right. Clothes / shoes, voucher for a day out with Grandma as she gets older etc.

I think the only 'demand' here is here, is coming from you.

You need to have suggestions of physical things ready for MIL that you think are reasonable. Then you need to let her get on with it and stop being so controlling.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to see a child opening a gift from you and see the joy it brings. You need to start thinking of things that are useful but also fun for a child. For example (I don’t know the age of your child) we have a Tonie box that has even used every night for two years now and gives the perfect opportunity for people to buy the figures for it without spending a fortune. We have about 20 figures and they all fit in a small box. My daughter has a nomination bracelet and loves receiving charms for it at Christmas and they’re quite reasonably priced and again is small and meaningful. Board games are good because you can play them as a family and are easy to store usually. I can see why you don’t want massive presents and a load of stuff that ends up getting thrown away but someone giving money as a gift doesn’t actually get to see what happens to it or any joy (teenagers excluded) it brings.

You are being controlling op.

Why isn't she allowed to give the present she wants to give? Why do you have to control it?

More so the kid.

I get not wanting to fill your home with guff. But I don’t think it’s fair for you to micromanage your ILs gifts so that the dc prefer your gifts. Xmas day should be about your dc, not about you.

My in-laws had much more money than we did when the children were small. The children benefited from some wonderful presents that we could have never have afforded. Did we care? Not one iota. We were just so pleased that our children had some very special gifts. Do they love their grandparents more than us? No they don’t.

I mean why don't you just say: "Very politely, we would actually prefer to spend your money for you."

Can You make a list of gifts that can be wrapped that your children would like and that you have space for? Give list to people who want to buy gifts and ask them to let you know what they’re getting. Even limit to one thing and ask for money for savings accounts as main present. Is this a compromise?

I think it's you overstepping by trying to dictate she parts with money without having the joy of choosing a gift.

Gift-giving isn't supposed to be operated like tax collection.

I think it's fair to want to give an actual gift and good that she's asked for some guidance so you can at least suggest things and steer away from giant toys. I screenshot books and clothes my child might like and send to people so we don't just get toys. (He does actually like to read and the clothes I suggest might have minecraft characters on or something, not just plain clothes.)

I have to agree with this. Gifting becoming all about money or vouchers takes all the pleasure out for the giver, I don't think its unreasonable of her to want to choose and gift an actual present

Just feeling overstepped

Really?!

Surely you can understand that it's nice for a grandparent to choose a present for their grandchild!? Just suggest one of the things you wanted to get them.

I feel really sorry for the grandma here.

I agree with this 👆

Try and be grateful and gracious OP, some people don’t even have living parents anymore
@User28884995

I actually thought the thread was gonna be about a bitch MIL demanding presents for hersell lol, not beign generous to buy your kid's gifts.

Suggest both and compromise.

I am a nanny and don’t want to buy more than my lovely granddaughter is getting from her mum and dad. I also don’t want to get stuff she doesn’t want or has no space for so it makes life stressful in their house, so what I have always done is buy a few small things and put the rest of the budget into a bank account that she will have when she wants big or for a school trip or when she is older. I am not talking trust fund amounts but it will all add up.

For example I always get her what I get my children (I did check they were happy with this when she was born incase they wanted to start their own traditions) - so new pjs for Christmas Eve, chocolate coins and slipper or normal socks. Then this year I got her a playdoh set reduced to £6 from £18 on Amazon, a Anna doll from Amazon £6 ( she is getting Elsa from Father Christmas), new washable felt pens and colouring book and a Bluey umbrella £2.99 from TK Maxx and I will pop some money in the bank. So I can see her get excited and use the things she gets but it’s not meaning she’s getting far too much stuff. She is not quite four yet but it seems to work well for us all. Is something similar do-able ?