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AIBU?

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MIL Christmas present demand

283 replies

User28884995 · 24/11/2025 14:54

For the last few years when in laws and my parents have asked about presents we have politely said some money for our children’s savings account or a voucher would be best as we have a real lack of space at home and as we are not in a position to put savings aside ourselves at the moment so this has felt like a good idea. When my dd was younger MIL decided without asking to give a large range of other presents which were kind of things which we would have wanted to give and which took away from what we as parents were able to do. This year she has messaged my dh saying she wants to give dd a gift herself, when she knows we have asked for money for savings or a voucher. Just feeling overstepped and not sure what to do.

OP posts:
MummyJ36 · 25/11/2025 20:09

It’s a bit crass to insist on money or vouchers only. Surely you could suggest something small that wouldn’t take up much space? It can feel like a really empty experience giving someone cash as a present, especially a child. I’m assuming you’re buying present type items with the gift vouchers so why not let MIL buy her the actual item instead?

ittakes2 · 25/11/2025 19:43

Sorry but I see it as more you are the one demanding things - you are demanding money when she has asked for something to give

Calliopespa · 25/11/2025 19:39

AliceMaforethought · 25/11/2025 18:30

Why not let her get the gift, then put the money you would have spent into the savings account?

That is a practical and logical solution but I think the issue on this thread - as on so many of these "MIL is banned from buying x" threads - is that it isn't so much about the children being delighted, it certainly isn't about MIL enjoying giving, it's about the op being the one to "get the credit" for providing the only stuff she wants coming over her threshold.

ManchesterGirl2 · 25/11/2025 19:28

I think it's totally reasonable to want to give a physical gift. I'd prefer to give the child joy now rather than when they are 18. If space is an issue, suggest something small, or something that will be used up, like art supplies.

Ellie56 · 25/11/2025 19:27

Moveoverdarlin · 24/11/2025 15:13

Right girls this year Granny and Granddad have given you £75 each to put in your NatWest Junior Cash ISAs!!! Yay!!!

Oh you wanted a Gabby’s Doll House like your friend Emily? But it’s 3.8% interest darling, aren’t you thrilled?

Grin Grin

BunnyLake · 25/11/2025 19:15

SingingOcean · 24/11/2025 21:23

10 pages of people replying to User28884995 only post.

Edited

Oh, it’s one of those threads.

I guess we won’t be hearing back from OP then.

BunnyLake · 25/11/2025 19:12

KarmenPQZ · 24/11/2025 15:01

yup that particular phrase from OP stood out to me as well as being totally ridicolous.

Yes, I had to re-read that as it made me raise an eyebrow.

It’s very joyless for a gp to just give money or vouchers to their gc.

I don’t understand what the voucher would be for?

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 25/11/2025 19:06

One answer to the lack of space thing is to ask for something that is consumable, like a bath bomb making kit.

Buffs · 25/11/2025 18:56

YABVVU

Askingforafriendtoday · 25/11/2025 18:54

StewkeyBlue · 24/11/2025 14:59

Of course GPs want to give their DGC an actual present and see them open it. Suggest something that you know your Dc will be excited about, and which you can fit in your house.

She is not overstepping, you are being controlling.

This

RocSor · 25/11/2025 18:41

Unreasonable and unpleasant. How could you deny the mutual pleasure of your child and her grandmother at Christmas...you should be ashamed.

AliceMaforethought · 25/11/2025 18:30

Why not let her get the gift, then put the money you would have spent into the savings account?

esem · 25/11/2025 18:27

Grandparents just cant help themselves - they love the grandkids so much
Totally get it........
BUT maybe just one nice gift for each child and give the rest as money

Bufftailed · 25/11/2025 18:27

She wants to give something and is asking what. Seems considerate to me

Blablibladirladada · 25/11/2025 18:18

Hi op,

she can choose what to give. But you can put boundaries though… mine are : « if it is big, noisy or alive » it says at grandma. Guess what? She never offered noisy, big stuff that looks good for the giver but a headache for everyone else!

Sometimessmiling · 25/11/2025 18:17

User28884995 · 24/11/2025 14:54

For the last few years when in laws and my parents have asked about presents we have politely said some money for our children’s savings account or a voucher would be best as we have a real lack of space at home and as we are not in a position to put savings aside ourselves at the moment so this has felt like a good idea. When my dd was younger MIL decided without asking to give a large range of other presents which were kind of things which we would have wanted to give and which took away from what we as parents were able to do. This year she has messaged my dh saying she wants to give dd a gift herself, when she knows we have asked for money for savings or a voucher. Just feeling overstepped and not sure what to do.

Money means nothing to kids but getting a nicely wrapped gift is much more exciting
Tell them what you think is appropriate

FindingNeverland28 · 25/11/2025 18:15

We don’t have much space for a lot of toys either. Thankfully most relatives realise this. MIL has opted to buy DD a charm bracelet and for her birthdays and Christmases she buys a new charm for it. She also puts money into her savings account and buys a couple of books.

Shatteredallthetimelately · 25/11/2025 16:01

I see in real life as well as posts on various forums/people chatting re Christmas presents as to whether a person has bought enough presents for loved ones, then follows a long list of items purchased and for many years now I've been left wondering why, mainly DC get so much more spent on them when it's Jesus's birthday than they do when it's their actual own special day.

Yes, I realise my mind thinks useless thoughts at times....and yes my own DC got more than a satsuma and a net of chocolate coins.

Theslummymummy · 25/11/2025 13:08

Demand?? Oh how dare she

Newbie8918 · 24/11/2025 23:15

When I was a child and grandparents or aunties gave extravagant gifts, I never once thought ‘that’s amazing compared to the shit present my parents/santa gave me’ they’re not taking away from what you’ve gifted! They’re being generous. Allow them to give a physical gift, that you will use/child will appreciate! At least they’re asking

Tourmalines · 24/11/2025 22:53

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 24/11/2025 20:37

I wonder if this was a bot - based in user name and hasn’t returned.

I know people are busy/work etc. but if you’ve just posted then surely you’d return sooner.

They don’t return if they don’t get the outcome they wanted .

SALaw · 24/11/2025 22:19

Let her give the gift. It will bring joy to your child and your mother in law.

Dreamer3682 · 24/11/2025 22:18

I agree. My MIL drives me crazy with this. We see her about every 6 weeks and she will buy each of them at least 6 presents each time. We don’t have the space and I don’t think they need it. So now Xmas here she is going totally crazy whilst pleading poverty at same time. So I totally get it, I’d feel same as you.

lolly427 · 24/11/2025 21:34

If you want your kids to have more money and less gifts then you need to be the one to give them more money and less gifts, not demand that others do.

SingingOcean · 24/11/2025 21:23

10 pages of people replying to User28884995 only post.