AIBU to feel upset about my well-off in-laws being tight with money at Christmas?

I think you’ve misunderstood OP’s upset.

It’s not about the price of the gift.

Of course OP would have been happy with the gifts you described.

But that’s not what happened.

The grandparents asked to contribute to a bike.

They then seemed to have regretted that moment of generosity and decided to rescind it by using it as collateral against a birthday gift. They then further compounded their meanness of character by using it as collateral against a Christmas present too.

It is repulsive behaviour. Better had they just kept quiet rather than prove how disordered their thinking is.

If it was to be Christmas and birthday together they need to say this before you say yes. They didn’t so they are being mean.

Maybe have an open conversation with them as follows:
It’s really kind of you to buy DS the bike. He loves it. Going forward can we make an agreement about gifts going forward? Because as kids get older and know more about the world their expectations tend to change.
So for the future we would be happy/prefer if these are the kind of gifts you get the DC for Christmas/birthday and then list things that are no expensive and also useful eg magazine subscription or books or lego.
Maybe they don’t want to embarrass by purchasing really expensive gifts?
I totally agree that gifts should not be based on past gifts.
The alternative is that when then asked this in the future be vague - I’m sure whatever you like to get them will be great or they are into giants/lego/spiderman - what ever it it.

My in laws can be very difficult - and I have been married 15 plus years. I have learnt to let DH deal with it. And to try to emotionally detach as much as I can. It’s just easier. I can’t change their behavior.
It can also be something that happens to older people as they have a pot of money and concerns about it reducing. No way to top it up with work anymore.
But emotional detachment has helped me the most.

Just say you’re sure he will be delighted with what ever they choose for him, that he loves his bike and is very grateful that they helped buy it for him. Stick to the high ground

Tight arses and they keep changing the goalposts - the money was for his birthday… oh it was for Christmas as well. Not read full thread yet but I’d like too 2 things: how much was the bike? Do they have other grandchildren?

Most people have a budget in mind per person. My mum spends 50 on each grandchild. For birthdays and xmas.
Maybe ask them what the budget is, then you can pick something.

Also, I meant to add below that some gps have a different idea of what is important.

They may feel that presents are a bit of a waste of money and be squirrelling savings away for each gc once they reach 21.

We don’t know if that is the case for op’s pils of course but we do know that dc do not benefit from a lot of material stuff and that gc are entitled to pass on their money in ways they feel are the most useful; they are allowed to make that decision with their own funds.

Yabu its not your place to tell them what to spend.
Be grateful your child has grandparents and he gets a gift.

Your post comes across as grabby and entitled and its not their fault you are not as well off as you.

Why do people keep saying "strings are attached" ? That implies the OP would be expected to do something in return for the bike.

If you mean that the grandparents weren't clear that the bike cost would be that child's share of the gift budget for all of 2025, that's not "strings." And if they HAD said that, would OP have replied "Oh never mind then, he doesn't really need a bike. Use the money equally on other tat at birthday and Christmas."

They aren't required to explain their budget and spending.

"oh right sorry - I thought you said it was his birthday present, but no worries."

I think you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned other grandchildren. Perhaps they have in their mind £50 per child per birthday/Christmas so feels bad to them if they overspend on one dgc. I can see it both ways, just read the many threads on favouritism to see have it feels when older people favour one set of grandchildren.

For the future I would definitely clear up in advance what strings are attached.

I was all prepared to say YABU but when I read it I actually felt sad for your son :( they do sound mean. I think it’s fair enough to say he didn’t know at the time the bike was for Christmas and birthday so you will get a little something extra for him else he will
think granny and grandpa haven’t! it’s your DH should be stepping up and speaking to them and pointing this out, not you ideally.

Please say this!! 🤭

To put the other side of the argument speaking as an older person myself…

I think when you are well off but retired it might look like you have plenty to spare but your costs are greater too relatively speaking eg if you have a big house there are more running costs, you need more cleaning help, a gardener, more heating costs. It costs more to renovate and maintain per sq metre. If you run two cars, they both need servicing and repairing and filing with gas.

And every bill comes out of savings or pensions, not earnings. There’s a finite amount! You are never going to get an annual bonus or an opportunity to earn more ever again. Once your savings have gone, they are gone forever.

They also don’t know what their care needs will be in future, This is a big worry for many people,

Also when you are relatively well off people rely on you to donate more cash to charities annually or to your local village fete, or to church or school. You are the one that tends to pay for meals out or entertaining at home, or for train tickets when people are coming to stay. It just goes on and on. It’s a privilege of course but you don’t end up with as much in your pocket as you would think.

Christmas is expensive bc entertaining, present buying and donating fall at the same time,

And if your gc are in their sixties op, they may be of the generation where they think that children have too many toys nowadays as we grew up with very little. Our parents grew up in the war and their habits were handed down to us and there just wasn’t as much choice, variety or consumerism in the 70s as there is now. In other words, when people of your in-laws age were dc and celebrated Christmas themselves, it was normal to receive a book and one toy and that was it more or less!

Leaving all of that aside, I do think it’s a bit mean to shift the present to cover two other events! But that may be a slip of the mind!

Also, remember that your in-laws are well off now because they have worked for thirty years. And they are allowed to treat themselves now that their dc have left home, This may be the first time they have ever had the opportunity to spend money on themselves.

Having said all of the above, plenty of rich people I know penny pinch!

So it’s hard to know which applies in this instance. Maybe they are lacking in generosity of spirit if they aren’t that involved with their gc?

How are they otherwise op? Do they host you a lot? Take an interest in your lives? Are they generally supportive?

The greed, envy, avarice and entitlement showing on this thread is off the charts.

This wouldn’t bother me, £100 towards a bike, a small birthday gift and a book for Christmas sounds fine. I’ve always thought it the parents that buy bigger gifts and DGP’s buy a little extra something.

Wow, Scrooge has entered the building… The £100 bike was generous for sure but you didn’t even ask for it. I don’t think one present can count for both birthday and Christmas ever. It isn’t right when someone has a birthday close to Christmas and this happens but your DS’s birthday was months ago. They’re just being tight and you’re right, it’s mean spirited especially since he’s 7 and Christmas will still be big and magical.

It sounds like they weaponise their wealth and have no inclination to make life easier for you or buy DC nice gifts. This is an issue with control. Meet them with easy breezy ‘oh yes, fine DS gets a lot of presents at Christmas anyway!’
Honestly do not rise to this weird power trip.
My Mum does shit like this and trust me, the best response is no response

You weren't waffling on, @honeylulu you were showing support and understanding to the OP.

Oh, please. You are fabricating motivations and emotions, and attributing them to coomplete strangers. It's absurd.

Just because the OP thinks her in-laws have plenty of money and should spend it on her kids doesn't mean that's the truth.

You aren't ungrateful, you are annoyed that they are moving the goalposts. My MIL and to a certain extent my own mother used to do this. Make a grand generous gesture and then "pay themselves back" by withdrawing from other things they would normally buy, like Christmas presents.

I think they like the gratitude and grandiosity of making what seems to be a very generous gesture (even though once it's clawed back by saving on other things they would normally commit to, it's not that amazing). With my MIL in particular I think sometimes she did this (moving the goalposts) if she felt you hadn't been vocally grateful enough. My mum would do it as a way of controlling things. I used to get an allowance as a teen and was supposed to buy my own clothes out of that, learn to budget etc. But sometimes she'd buy me a spontaneous present like a dress or coat. I'd say thanks very much (though would prefer to choose my own) and then find out next month the cost had been subtracted from my allowance. I probably sound a right spoilt brat! But it was the moving of goalposts - here is some money to make choices with, oh, I've made them for you!

Sorry I'm waffling on but what I think I'm trying to say us that it seems they made it look like an extra generous gesture to your son but he's kind of paid for it himself in lieu of birthday and Christmas presents. Had you or he been asked you might have said no don't worry about contributing, just stick to the usual plan for gifts.

It was like a matter of pride for my parents to spend as little as humanly possible on presents for their grandchildren. They were not particularly well off but as someone else expressed on here, it was the self -congratulatory air they had about the crap bits of plastic they presented every year to my kids. They knew it was cheap and were proud of their 'thrift'.

Mean with gifts, mean in spirit.

I think Christmas present giving really divides opinion. I have one friend with three grandchildren who will buy them each maybe, a book and a pair of pyjamas. My other friend has three adult children and six grandchildren and probably spends £5000 or more. They both probably have similar finances just choose to spend at completely different levels.
My DM who died 15 years ago would have a limit of £20 per grandchild. She died very suddenly leaving each grandchild about £30,000.

I agree. I come from a big family, and only got small gifts my whole life. I still have happy memories of birthdays and Christmas, though.
My children never had grandparents, so perhaps I have a different perspective from the OP and others.

Mean, and it wasn't even a whole bike.