AIBU to feel upset about my well-off in-laws being tight with money at Christmas?

Nonsense. Have a word with yourself.

Cheap because they provided £100 toward a bike? A bike the child’s parents should have worked and budgeted to provide…

Right.

So many mumsnetters are so eager to pick other people’s pockets.

The grandparents likely couldn’t afford big holidays on their child rearing years, either.

But they didn’t begrudge others or insinuate the money would be better spent on greedy onlookers.

What’s vulgar is entitled , grabby, envious people spitefully sniping about retired people finally looking after themselves and enjoying the fruits of their lifetime of labour, frugality, planning.

you are upset they are choosing to spend their money the way they want to?
not mean at all - your son got a bike. I think it would have been cheeky to expect something else!

I don't think it was great to give money and then say it was to cover several present-giving occasions, but as said above, they are under no obligation to give at all.

My question was more general though - I have seen so many posts on various threads that object to older people going on holiday, and I've never understood why. My parents went on a lot of holidays when they retired, partly as they didn't go far when they had children at home, and partly because they didn't know how to much longer they'd be able to do it. It was a wise decision, as my father died a couple of years after he retired.

They haven't behaved appallingly, come on. They didn't sign a legal contract; they spontaneously offered and then after the fact probably assessed "we can't afford to do that much for all the kids; let's make that his b-day and Christmas gift as well... and get him a book as something to open on Christmas."

That is hardly "appalling." No one is obliged to give any sort or level of gift.

Remember the thread has been shaped by an OP where the grand parents have behaved appallingly.

That is colouring the whole thread and responses.

If OP had posted saying her child only got a £50 gift for Birthday and £50 for Christmas, she would be rightly slated.

Yeah, I get that, but the implication is definitely that the GPs should buy more expensive presents because they can afford to go on holiday. I don't see the link.

It's their money, and maybe they couldn't afford to go on holiday if they splashed out on presents for grandchildren - maybe after a lifetime of providing for their own kids. Even if that's not the case, there is no clear link between going on holiday and buying presents, and 'they are always going on holiday' is so often used against parents and in-laws, as though they shouldn't do it, and I'm asking why not.

Perhaps you should step up to not being so condescending.

This generation are going through things you never did.

.

I don’t think it the holidays that are causing angst, it’s the vulgarity of talking about expensive holidays to people who aren’t in a position to go on them. Read the room.

Can someone tell me why older people going on holiday gives rise to so much angst, please?

I'm not a great fan of holidays personally, and I do find people talking about them all the time boring, but I don't see them as a waste of someone else's money, and can't imagine getting upset about how other people spend their own cash. Also, when younger people go on holiday it's called 'travel' and is seen as a good thing. Why the difference?

My in laws are the same. Always talking about their holidays etc but only spend around £20-£50 for birthdays and Christmas. I find it fascinating, honestly. Especially as I know they treat their other (older) grandkids to big Lego sets which are about £70-100 each. And take them out for dinner and an 'activity' as well.

It doesn't bother me unduly, a bit narked at the imbalance and an eye raise about all the holidays but it's their choices I guess.

They are cheap.

That's it.

How did the subject of the bike and the £100 come about in the first place? Did you mention you were going to buy him a bike and the in-laws said “we’ll put £100 towards it” or was it them who suggested buying the bike?

As an oldie, first of all the OP mentioned that they like to spend on themselves, good it's their money however I do like to treat my family. It's not that we want you to "suffer" like we did we want you to step up to being an adult

Generally i think its wrong to assume your entitlement level gift wise because you percieve someone as comfy.

However I think its wrong to gift money then repurpose it. Unless they said "we can buy a bike but it will be a Christmas and birthday gift.." and then you/your son can decide if its what he wants, then its unreasonable

I know.

Somehow these people who haven't made the right choices / hustled hard enough to fulfill their OWN outsized wants sit here and try to make out that people who HAVE done so are the villains, and the grabbers are the innocent victims. It truly defies belief.

If you want something, work for it, don't eyeball others' bank accounts. Gifts are voluntary, not mandatory.

@ShyMaryEllen
‘Calling people 'vile' and 'scum' for not spending 'enough' on a child is unbelievably entitled, and holding the choice of care home over elderly parents beggars belief. If I knew my children were saying things like that about me, I'd leave my hovel and piggy bank to a donkey sanctuary.’
Totally agree. This is the latest of a few threads sniping about older people and their money. The other week, a poster said she was counting the days until her MIL died. Appalling entitlement and ageism on here.

I know people who do this, spend exactly the same on each child/grandchild to make it 'fair' (although they secretly pay for other things, so it isn't 'fair' at all!) .. I've never really bought into it, if it is constant behaviour that shows clear favouritism that is one thing, but £100 towards a bike for one this year, might be £100 towards a games console, or driving lessons for one of the others next year etc etc

I do wonder about the grabby nature of people who keep score on what is being spent on others and demand exactly the same!

That’s why I wondered if this change of heart had been precipitated by something being said by one of the DH’s siblings (see my previous post ).

But they knew they had other grandchildren when they contributed towards the bike I assume?

Ha ha - so true, but that did make me chuckle

Wow, how nasty and spiteful.

Call me old-fashioned, but parents who want stuff for their kids traditionally find a way to earn it, even if it means hustling a second job or side gig.

They don’t eyeball others’ savings and gripe that they aren’t being sufficiently subsidized or critique the number of holidays those funds are being spent on.

They should have handled this better. However, you sound greedy and entitled to me. Your in law’s financial situation in life is none of your business.