AIBU to feel upset about my well-off in-laws being tight with money at Christmas?

Buy a £50 gift and put it under the tree from Granny. Sit back and watch the awkwardness when DS enthusiastically thanks Granny, and it throws her whole equalising penny counting for the grandkids into a tailspin.

I'm sure that you're encouraging your children to be appreciative of all gifts, though? Someone has made an effort; now you may consider the effort to be less than adequate, but nonetheless, they are showing some kindness and generosity.

I would simply say “Please don’t feel you have to get him anything”.

Not at all. And we of course we do give them presents too. In my case. I am suggesting that for the thought to count there has to be thought of the receiver there, not just thought about what the giver wants to give. Children grow up very fast and a present they won’t use and don’t like is one step away from being regifted.
My own parents have more grandchildren than my in laws do and they always try to encourage their gc’s passions and hobbies or likes with the presents they give.

This is a technicality, but I don't think Scrooge was into spending on himself either.

This is something different.

They are mean. YANBU.

I think that it’s a case of shifting boundaries. That at first it wasn’t explicitly said that money for the bike was going to birthday … which then happened, and then adding in Christmas too with no prior discussion.

Not sure there is anything you can do for this situation, but moving forward I’d get them to clarify exactly what they are covering if they offer to put money to larger items so there isn’t the opportunity for moving goal posts as has happened here. Preferably get it put in writing so they can’t then go back on what was said.

They changed to goal posts and communicated poorly their intentions to you (sounds like they weren’t fully formed at the time). I would imagine having multiple grandchildren to keep things fair across is part of it, but yes they could’ve done that in a more generous way.

If that was me (I am grandparent age now as young adult DC) I would have viewed the £100 as more of an ad hoc gift to you and your husband than the child. People do view things very differently though. My in-laws were very formulaic with gifts and this is the kind of thing they might have done, I don’t think it was meanness though - just rigid thinking style.

I agree. However the apparent strings attached and poor communication is difficult for the OP and incomprehensible for a child.

I’d just say not to worry about buying him a gift. I couldn’t be bothered with all the games. My parents give my children £100 each for Christmas and the same for birthday, but they haven never been grandparents to look after them and spend on them throughout the year.

The fact they keep mentioning the £100 shows that deep down they resent it.

This could be the issue to be fair, and if your DH thinks it is, he knows your parents better than most, although it does come off as mean, I'm surprised they can say it without any feelings of guilt etc. You could always remind them that they said it was a birthday gift and didn't mention Christmas.

BUT, why are you buying your 7 year old a NEW bike at £100 + (seeing as they 'put towards it'), if you are on a low income and can't afford it? The two things don't really paint the same picture, so maybe they genuinely don't realise how much you are struggling?

Good points, @SuperTroy .
OP, you have no idea about their financial planning.

Are you suggesting they shouldn’t be spending their own money on… themselves?

How old is your son? 6/7 I agree a bit mean but teenager he is old enough to understand that he has had an expensive bike

Yes, it’s mean. I’m very grateful that we have money to spend in such a way that we don’t need to count the pennies and keep a tally on gifts. There is so much joy in seeing a child receive something they love and appreciate. It doesn’t have to mean a big ole pile of gifts. But the joy is in the giving and the gratitude at receiving. I cannot imagine not wanting to experience that joy and see my grandchildren experience it. It’s the whole point.

That said, are they the sort who get a lot of self-worth and self-importance from making people feel in debt to them? I have a family member who is well off and makes a big show of big gifts and giving money. But then is very passive aggressive when they don’t receive sufficient praise and adulation. Big gestures but then little snide comments and talking behind everyone’s back if it didn’t win them over the top gratitude in return. If you just said thank you, but didn’t stroke their egos enough, are they the sort to punish you for it now?

You’re not insane

my mil who is a multi millionaire regularly buys our children things like socks and hair clips for presents. The first Christmas I spent at my husbands she wrapped foam door stoppers for my brother in law. Nevermind her yearly 20k per person holidays, her Valentino handbag, her multiple multi million pound homes. She’s Scrooge.

Exactly this.

Eyeing their savings and fuming about how they should use it to benefit you is really entitled and unseemly. As is the veiled suggestion that they are using money for holidays that could be spent on their grandchildren.

£100 over the course of the year is generous. There’s nothing wrong with a book as a Christmas gift.

Blimey. I'm going to say she's been very generous!

This ⬆️.
They could be worried about assisted living and care homes. The pension could be worth less than they planned for.
They gave your child a gift.
They're also going to give him a book, which is a lovely gift.
Don't focus so much on monetary values.

I was wondering about this. I’m the same, I haven’t got much money and thanks to a lifetime of seeing favouritism I make sure I spend the same on everyone. Maybe this is really what it’s about.
Theres other grandchildren so they and their parents have probably seen the bike and hopefully they’ve been told the circumstances. If not then they will feel short changed as well.

My mother rarely spends more than £30 on a present for our DD. However we hit her up for a term of private school fees, so am fully expecting we get shit all this year.

PIL brought two £1 cheesecakes from Morrisons plus six mince pies for Xmas lunch for six adults and four teenage boys. The GC got £30 for 18th and 21st birthdays. Our last meal with them before FIL died ended with him asking ‘who’s paying for this?’ And on and on..
They had over £1m assets. I will never understand.

Set your expectation of them at zero - anything above that will be an overachievement.

I generally think people a) overdo the gifts at Christmas and b) expect things they shouldn't from parents and in-laws. But in your case, both of these things are trumped by the fact that they keep stretching what the bike contribution was actually for. That's mean and a child won't understand it and they should be challenged for reasons of fairness.