AIBU to feel upset about my well-off in-laws being tight with money at Christmas?

They sound terribly mean OP.

I have similar experience, my in laws have never bought my children a present. Not even when they were born. They get £20 note in a card at Christmas. Always have. Our eldest is 25 and she still gets the same amount as she did when she was 1.
For context, they are sitting on an absolute fortune so are in no way poor ….

Meh

it's entirely different.

we have ops interpretation of "it was kind of framed as a nice gesture" which opens up a whole load of space for them meaning they could have the future present money up front rather than here's a £100 we haven't given any of the other grandkids.

the whole tit for tat thing just makes op look petty and grabby.

£50 plus a small token present is perfectly reasonable for grandparents with several grandkids and children to buy for. It isn't like they're refusing to acknowledge the events or are demanding the child sings them a song of praise to their generosity. they're simply saying "you've had the present money already but of course we'll get him something else to open"

Do it back to them. Say since I got you a bottle of wine or gift voucher I'm only getting you something small for Christmas.
Leave the reduced sticker on it.

I’m feeling a bit sad and annoyed and just want to sanity-check whether I’m being unreasonable.

My in-laws are very comfortable financially - retired, mortgage paid off, big house, multiple holidays a year, no real financial worries. We, on the other hand, are on a low income and things are tough at the moment. They know all of this.

Back in the summer, they offered (we didn’t ask) to put £100 towards a new bike for our son. It was kind of framed as a nice gesture at the time. Then they later told us that because they’d contributed to the bike, they would only get him “something small” for his birthday, as the bike was his birthday present from them. Fine, I understood that.

Fast forward to the other day: we were at theirs and they asked what we all might like for Christmas. I said I wasn’t sure yet what our son would like, and I’d let them know. My MIL immediately said, “Oh don’t forget we bought that bike for him — that was birthday and Christmas, so we’ll just get him a book or something small.”

I just sat there feeling a bit stunned and honestly hurt. It’s not about wanting them to shower him with expensive gifts - it’s more that the £100 they offered months ago is now being used as a reason to opt out of both birthday and Christmas. Meanwhile they are extremely comfortable and spend freely on themselves in other areas.

They also very rarely help with anything practical or day-to-day with him, so it’s not like they’re involved in other ways.

I can’t quite put my finger on it, but something about it feels… mean? And I hate that feeling, because I don’t want to care about money like that. But I’m struggling with the idea that their grandson is basically getting a token gift at Christmas because of something they voluntarily contributed to back in July.

AIBU to feel upset and a bit angry about this? Or am I overthinking it?

Life was not cheaper or easier. 🙄 Stop with the silly, resentful fiction that previous generations led soft, privileged lives.

Furthermore, it’s not “miserly” to save for one’s old-age needs or to treat oneself to travel after a lifetime of work and child rearing.

To be honest if a parent doesn’t want to spend their money and be miserly then … it’s their choice. It’s also the choice of the daughter in law or child of that parent how they respond to that behaviour.

My point is…. Life in general was easier… cost of living much cheaper, was easier to buy a home to prepare for retirement - in general …. Times are now very different. Times are now also becoming very different and difficult for pensioners …. Your savings are going to be raided.

To be honest if a parent doesn’t want to spend their money and be miserly then … it’s their choice. It’s also the choice of the daughter in law or child of that parent how they respond to that behaviour.

My point is…. Life in general was easier… cost of living much cheaper, was easier to buy a home to prepare for retirement - in general …. Times are now very different. Times are now also becoming very different and difficult for pensioners …. Your savings are going to be raided.

I'll be retirement age in a few years and I do worry about potentially not having enough money to cover future care costs etc, or to pass on to my kids when I go. I never thought about it when I was younger! It it is kind of scary! If I'm lucky enough to live to a ripe old age will my pension/savings cover it all? I think a lot of us old-uns think like this

@Feelingsosoblue well I’m on a Facebook page called epic retirement ( not that I remotely am at 63) and yep the ‘I’m retiring at 54 and have paid my mortgage off crowd’ are at large - usually it turns out fuelled by a nice inheritance , occasionally pension funds but usually inheritance - so you can hardly blame lots of people with an eye on it - because that’s what gave their parents a bit more freedom/cash etc later in life - I’m sorry to be cynical , but it’s like my H said to me, FIL wants us over as often as possible and to make decisions with him in mind, ( he’s lovely and 86) but he made no such concessions with his own parents or those of his wifes parents- they were abroad for work for several years at a time. ( or rather he was and she went with him) People don’t like to hear this but it’s true , couples often sit round planning what they would do with inheritances but really don’t expect their own family to be remotely the same- that’s not reality - personally I would rather people spent a fair bit making sure their later years were comfortable as part of it and paying for extra help and anything you may receive is an absolute bonus

I know that you are a practising Christian from your comments on other threads. Didn't Jesus preach about taking from the rich to give to the poor. He wouldn't be very happy with you and your sanctimonious hypocricy.

Amazing result. Makes me feel for the nation - and other generations. Doesn't anyone buy their own kid's presents?

It seems the socialist government has already fed mothers their socialist principles of soaking the people they think are rich and giving it to others who cannot be bothered to work for it.

Before the rich are 'soaked' shouldn't someone ascertain the extent of their wealth.

Resentment towards someone who appears to have more stuff then them will eventually kill society.

He’s 7 and he’s there are other GC which is what my DH thinks is the issue. That they make a note of what they’ve spent on each one so as not to look like they’re favouring any of them particularly and to make it fair for all. But I’m not sure about that.

Welcome to the world of greedy, entitled adult children and grandchildren, one might say.