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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to say that if my boyfriend goes to the casino, he can’t sleep at our place that night?

34 replies

imtryingtoimprove · 24/11/2025 10:48

Hi everyone,

I’m 19 and my boyfriend is 19. We’ve been together a 4 years.

My bf absolutely loves going to the casino. He talks about it several times a week and would happily go every week if I didn’t say anything. He keeps asking me to come with him, but I honestly have zero interest. I don’t enjoy gambling at all, I don’t want to spend my money there, and I hate “money games” in general.

On top of that, I have really bad sleep problems. I’m a very light sleeper, it takes me ages to fall asleep, and once I’m awake I don't go back to sleep. If he goes to the casino and then comes home late, full of adrenaline, it completely destroys my night. I end up waiting for him, and then I can’t sleep properly after he comes in.

Because of all this, I’ve set a boundary:
He is free to go to the casino if he wants, but if he goes, he can’t sleep at our apartment that night.
He has loads of options – he has friends who would happily have him to stay, and family members as well. It’s not like he’d be on the street. I’m not telling him he can’t go. I’m just saying that if he chooses to go, I don’t want the fallout on my sleep and my mental health.
The other big part of this is that I genuinely think he’s addicted, or at least heading that way. That’s basically my main reason for not wanting this in my life. It makes me really uncomfortable to feel like I’m enabling it by welcoming him back in the middle of the night like it’s all fine.

From my point of view, I’m not trying to control him – I’m trying to protect myself and my sleep, and I don’t want to support behaviour I see as a problem.
So, AIBU?
Is it unfair to say he can go to the casino if he wants, but if he does, he can’t sleep at our place that night?

OP posts:
DaisyChain505 · 24/11/2025 10:59

It’s your joint home. You don’t get to dictate when he can stay there.

SummerHouse · 24/11/2025 10:59

I think you can ask him but not tell him. Otherwise your reasoning is pretty understandable.

GumFossil · 24/11/2025 10:58

I think it’s unreasonable to not let him stay. If you had a late night, would you be happy to have to stay elsewhere?

As others have said, the gambling is a massive red flag. There is no way I’d have a relationship with a gambler.

Sheeeena · 24/11/2025 10:57

You can’t ban him from his home OP. You can break up if you don’t like his behaviour though.

FuzzyWolf · 24/11/2025 10:57

You are trying to control him no matter what you try to convince yourself. However, as long as it’s not also his home, it’s fine to say that he can’t come round after a certain time because you are asleep. It’s not fine to say it’s because he’s doing something you don’t approve of.

A potential or actual gambling addiction doesn’t change the above but it isn’t someone I would be continuing a relationship with.

CrackSpackle · 24/11/2025 10:56

Probably the worst way you can set yourself up in life for heartbreak, disappointment, and poverty, is to date or marry a gambler. If you were my DC, my advice would be that it isn’t about whether or not he gets to sleep at home after the casino, it’s do you really want to tie yourself to someone who gambles. It is not a harmless habit. Once a year on holiday, sure, talking about it “several times a week” he is addicted. This won’t end well for you if you stay with him.

Somnambule · 24/11/2025 10:55

Hmm if it's not happening every week (I'm not sure from your post) then I don't think this boundary is really ok - are you basically saying he can't have a late night out for any reason and come home to his own house that night? Could he just sleep on the sofa or something - that's what my husband and I do if either of us is going to be in late and the other one doesn't want to be disturbed.

I think you have a bigger problem though, which is that you're nineteen years old and are tying yourself to someone who you fear is becoming a problem gambler, or who at the very least has a growing interest in something you actively dislike. You don't need to stay with him you know; you're both still finding out who you are and may well grow into very different people over the next few years (and beyond!).

DallasMajor · 24/11/2025 10:55

Your place? So you both equally pay for it?

If so yabu.

But leave him if you don't like a gambler- I would.

Original poster
imtryingtoimprove · 24/11/2025 10:53

I'd like to add, that if he goes out, it's always with a friend, so he can stay the night at the friend’s house after they go to the casino together

OP posts:
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