New partner hiding my vape

You want to stay with this person, fair enough, just don't move in with, marry or have kids with him.
Want to be wrong but I get the feeling you will be back in a year if that, moaning about him and how it's gone tits up.
Peeps are advising to call time on it because a lot of us have been you, various reasons, and we know how it can end up.
If you are going to stay with him, please take care of yourself. It starts with small things and then builds up, so subtle you don't always realise it and because they talk the talk,"I'm doing this because I love you" shite. This isn't love it's about control, pure and simple.

Look it’s damn weird and an arsehole move and you know it.

Im also a social worker and we need our vices. It’s a hard job and some days if you don’t give in to it you’ll go crazy.

You have to be firm on this, don’t play games and ask for it back.
Id be inclined to start puffing on it immediately in front of them, but I’m petty like that.

She said she's a social smoker - I don't think she's said she's a social worker has she?

Least we'll have something to read eh

Are you telling us that you are a social worker and yet you are unable to spot red flags in a relationship?

Of course it's worth ending a relationship over, it's only going to get worse, he's trying to control you

I honestly don’t think that this can be addressed without a big row. I’d be having a big row on him, standing firm - he needs to stop being a twat or F OFF! He will make a choice, and you’ll have your answer. This is the thin edge of the wedge.

Ahhh, you’re one of those people. 🙄

See you in a year or so when you start a thread lamenting the fact he moved in and has started gaslighting you, but it’s too late; you’re pregnant, and he is managing all your finances and you have no access to any cash to leave him.

Good luck - love, Mystic Meg.

It's very controlling. Personally I wouldn't put up with it.

How childish of your friend to tell your partner you'd been vaping!

I was a smoker when I met my now DH. He was very anti smoking, but accepted it was my choice to smoke and not his place to hide my tobacco etc. I wouldn't smoke indoors around him (or any other non smoker). Unless you are vaping inside in his house (which it doesn't sound like you are) then he's out of line.

WTAF? Why would you do that? Never give excuses, If OP wants to vape she can and if someone doesn't like it, that's tough. P sounds a bit of a knob if he's 'displaying other red flags'. You don't give in to a twat like that.
Shut the door behind you Joe.

Dump this person. If you stopped vaping they would find something else to criticise and control. And I say this as someone who personally hates vaping!

It’s controlling and abusive. My ex used to do it with my phone. He didn’t like he being on it around him and thought it was rude so he’d hide it when I was out of the room. It started like this and got much worse and much more abusive. Leave the relationship.

Re-read what you've typed there..
It's your home, your choice and you're allowing someone else to tell you what to do. You don't think it's worth ending a relationship over but it absolutely IS worth having a huge row over, which you'reworried about having! You're not setting boundaries, you're setting yourself up for more escalated controlling behaviour!

It actually is worth ending the relationship over because it's controlling behaviour.

And op this sentence "Said the fact I’m hiding it from them makes them not trust me etc" shows lack of self awareness on their part.

They seem puzzled you hide vaping from them, but cant see you do that because they are seriously controlling over it and it was their choice to continue a relationship with a vaper.

This will escalate to "you never told me you were meeting XYZ for coffee, i cant trust you", this then slowly trains you into being worried every time you do something they might not approve of.

Plenty of MNers will know what im on about there.

Don't let them move in with you, like ever,

Nope, get rid.. Sorry, he's controlling. Vape now, what's next? Who you see, what you wear, what you eat?

Someone who is into you in a healthy way will just sigh and tut over a vape, but they will accept you for who you are, warts and all.

There’s no way I’d have a say over their choices as a) they’re extremely strict on boundaries and free will and b) it’s not for me to say

So they're strict on THEIR boundaries and THEIR free will and it's not for YOU to say...What about YOUR boundaries, YOUR free will and THEM saying? Sounds very one sided to me.

Nope. This will only get worse.

I absolutely loathe smoking and vaping
BUT your partner's behaviour over this is absolutely out of order.
How dare he tell you what to do?
How dare he treat you like a child without freewill ?

I agree with pp. This is not about the vaping: it's about his attitude to you and him trying to control you. And it is very serious and very much worth ending your relationship over.

@Cantbloodyrememberthenameonthread yes - dump him and - why did your friend tell him? If it was a bit of a joke that might be one thing but otherwise? Dump them as well!

Nailed it.