New partner hiding my vape

If it is a deal breaker for him that’s fine, he can end the relationship in a respectful and decent manner, no issue. He has no right to hide her property, that is abusive.

Makes no difference tbh. They could have ended it then but instead they stuck it out and hide your shit in your own home, the absolute bare cheek of it.

As a pp said that would just make me vape even more right in front of them. Push my boundary and think you can tell me what i cant do? Ok ill show you exactly what happens then, tosspot.

You say it's not worth ending a relationship over but you do realise this is just the beginning don't you. This is who he is. He spent the first few months of the relationship winning you over, letting you see what a good guy he is, but now he feels he's got you, he's showing you who he really is.

New clothes he doesn't like - is he gonna hide them
Night out with your friends - sulk so you don't go
Holiday away with the girls - see above
Dislike one of your friends - see above

The list could go on and on and he will always give a "good" reason why he doesnt want you to do whatever it is - and you will get so worn down with it you are going to actually start believing him. And then, one day, it will just be you and him.

I know that sounds extreme but believe me, it's common as anything so if I were you I would be getting out now. It will not improve. He is not "bossing" you about, he is trying to control you. Don't minimise his behaviour.

Well I can understand him feeling repulsed by your vaping as that’s how I would feel but hiding it is childish. I don’t think the relationship is going to work and you should be with someone bonus onboard with you vaping.

The first time they did it as a “joke” was the time you should have ended it. Their behaviour is abusive. End the relationship in no uncertain terms and keep well clear they sound vile.

If your vaping is that much of an issue for him and you don't want to stop, then it's serious conversation time.

There's no way on earth I would tolerate someone hiding something from me because they didn't approve of it. They'd be getting the riot act and it'd be the first and last time they did it.

If he has an issue with some aspect of your behavior/lifestyle, then he can talk to you like an adult. But he'll also need to accept that you - also an adult - might not be willing to change that behavior. If that's a deal breaker for him, then he has a decision to make.

Say, “replace my vape or I will purchase another one”

Dump

So you, knowing you're with someone who despises smoking, decided to take up vaping 'because you fancied it'? You clearly don't feel that strong for your partner, why are you still with them?

I wouldnt say it controlling. He sounds conflicted. Maybe he really wants the relationship to work but your vaping is a deal breaker. It would be for me, i couldnt stand 10 mins in your presence if you vaped.

Time for an honest chat but dont be surprised if your relationship is over. He has made it clear he doesnt like it. He has done everything he can without telling you to your face stop or he is finished.

You're being willfully blind to the red flags. Frankly, this is why I struggle to have sympathy for some of the women stuck in controlling relationships. The problems in this case are obvious, everyone has pointed them out, and yet you're going to stay with him. The mind boggles.

You need to ditch this partner. Unless you want to quit vaping. Them hiding it and trying to ban you is controlling.

Would this class as controlling? Umm yes it’s totally controlling. In what way is it not controlling?

OP has this partner also been gaslighting you? Into thinking issues are your fault and not theirs? You seem to have a skewed perception as to what is normal, I think this partner has been messing with your head.

Please dump them. This will only get worse.

You wouldn’t be ending it because of the vape. You’d be ending it because he is abusive. And I’m not using that word lightly - controlling behaviour is abusive behaviour.

Im guessing you’ve had partners where the abuse was far easier to spot in the past for you not to recognise this behaviour as the same.

OP everything you say makes it worse.
You are going through a stressful time, so stressful that you have started vaping. And his reaction is to hide your vape and laugh?
I bet he's already started on policing what you wear and who you see.
Here's my prediction. Even if you never vape again, starting right now, he'll find something else to criticise by this time next week.

Hmm I have some sympathy for them if you didn't vape at the start of your relationship. My own partner vapes (in order to give up smoking) and I absolutely despise it. I'm glad he's giving up smoking but this in-between is hard to navigate and I would actively avoid going out with someone who does vape. Having said that I would never hide his vape although I might angrily tidy it away if he leaves it out

Hate these "they/them" threads. You're not going to out yourself just because it's a lesbian relationship.

I would find this controlling - get rid of "them".

Exactly 💯

Extremely strict regarding his boundaries but willing to walk all over yours? Are you sure you want to stay in that relationship?

Seeing as it’s something that you have started during the relationship then you need to put the ball in their court and say that you aren’t going to stop, you understand their feelings towards it, so they have two options - deal with it, or leave.

Smoking and vaping is a deal breaker for me. His behaviour is poor and controlling and he hasn’t set his boundaries well. Bin him and find someone who isn’t offended by your smoking/vaping.

This is a brilliant post. I think I'm going to have to step away from this thread, I am fuming on OP's behalf and the nasty remarks are a bit triggering.

Good luck OP, please protect yourself.

This is just the start. Get rid before it esaclates

Oh shut up. Where have you crawled out from, 2002? Who uses chav as an insult anymore?

I mean, I despise vaping and smoking, I find them repulsive. But that’s my opinion, and I actively avoid being around vapers/smokers as much as possible. I would never ever date one, much less get into a relationship with one. Your partner should do similar, manage his/her response, not expect you to change because of his/her preferences and certainly not hide your vape in your own home.

this is a massive red flag. Ignore it at your peril.