New partner hiding my vape

I'm not a fan of vaping. But you're an adult and your own person. If it disgusts him that much, then clearly you're not going to work. He can't dictate your habits to this degree.

I wouldn't want to date a smoker/vaper, but I’d have not started dating in the first place rather than hide the vape. Neither of you should be dating each other really as each behaviour sounds like deal breakers. .

Well OP is hiding stuff and lying too. She's hiding occassions where she's vaping and lying about the frequency of which she vapes. She does this to downplay the frequency at which she vapes, knowing DP's views on vaping. Perhaps if OP was honest with how much she vapes it would allow DP to make an informed decision on whether he actually wants to be in a relationship with a regular smoker. Otherwise OP is deisregarding DP feelings as you say.

Smoking isn't "social". You're asthmatic as well. Buy yourself a spirometer and use that for breathing excercises. You don't want popcorn lung. I agree,you aren't compatible.

Oh well, you’ve made your bed…as the saying goes.

Absolutely. Being an adult means not hiding vapes because you dont like it AND not putting up with a partner who hides vapes. This could be sorted in 10 mins.

"I'm not stopping vaping and you hide my vape again and we are finished"
"I cant stand your vaping and if you vape again we are finished"

"Have a nice life, we are finished"

I doesnt and cannot go any other way unless one of them backs down which would be an unhealthy basis for the relationship

She/he (I’m guessing she) is crossing a line and I wonder if she’s controlling in other ways? If it gives them the ick then they should find a non smoker

If he’s strict on boundaries and free speech how come he doesn’t care about yours?

Rad this back to yourself?

You need to find a back bone. So they can have their boundaries and you cannot tell them what to do but the reverse is fine.

This comes across like an age gap relationship with you being much younger but if you are not willing to stand up for yourself to your controlling partner then that’s that.

Oh and the hiding the vape isn’t to stop you vaping (he knows you can easily replace it) it’s punitive.

So strict on boundaries and free will but only in regards to them?

Come on OP you're seriously accepting this double standard, hypocritical bullshit as OK in a relationship? Get rid now. Things will not get better especially if you move in together.

tbh, I don’t think its worth ending a relationship over.

I think it is worth ending the relationship over.
You are not compatible because you like to vape and he can't stand it.

I wouldn't date a smoker or a vaper and that's my choice and my right to decide that. What I don't get to do is have a relationship with someone and start hiding their vape and having a go at them everytime they vape.

I don't like their behaviour. It's controlling. I'm interested to see what other red flags there are.

I'd dump him over this vaping thing though. Ridiculous, petty behaviour and hints at a possible pattern of behaviour which could, over time, extend to other things too.

If this person wanted the relationship to work theyd just have an adult chat about it. Hiding stuff and laughing/lying about it is manipulative and shows a total lack of emotional intelligence and total disregard for how that weird behaviour might make someone feel.

Hiding stuff, ffs is this person 9 years old? OP do they shout out "colder.....warmer......" when youre looking for it? 🙄

Absolutely. I think both parties need this attitude.

Presumably your partner knew you vaped at the time you started dating? It's not something you've suddenly started to do since being with him? If he doesn't like smoking or vaping, then why did he start a relationship with you? I don't like smoking or vaping, but I wouldn't choose to date someone who did either. You're a grown adult, who is capable of making your own choices, and that includes vaping. Your partner has no right to dictate to you what you can or can't do, especially in your own home (regardless if he agrees with those choices or not). Your friend is just as bad for telling your partner you were vaping!!!! It's none of your partner's business or your friend's either. You need a conversation with your partner - you may not agree with my choices, you might not like them either but you should respect those choices or he moves onto someone else who doesn't smoke/vape.

Vaping/smoking cigarettes would be a deal breaker in a relationship for me too, but that doesn't give me the right to hide another person's property.

That's how you deal with a naughty child, not an adult you're supposed to be in an equitable relationship with.

Sounds like you're not compatible. DP shouldn't be hiding your property like you're a child, but also you're a regular smoker downplaying the frequency at which you vape. You say 'social smoker' but if you socialise or have a drink on a weekly basis, which most adults do, then you're bascially smoking every week. So you're not a social smoker, you're just a smoker. Perhaps you downplayed that to DP when you got together or perhaps you were upfront. Eitherway you're not suitable together.

Thats a good point you have made. Are there any other things he doesnt like that he is acting in a similar fashion? Is it just the vaping or is there anything else.

You’ve admitted there are other red flags it’s completely pointless looking at the vape situation in isolation it really is.

It is controlling because he already has you walking on egg shells, modifying your behaviour and feeling you have to sneak around to do something that is your right to do. He’s also following it up with gaslighting by telling you that he can’t trust you.

It’s fine if he doesn’t like it he can find a more compatible partner. I hate vaping by the way. My adult son is a social vaper and it bothers me but I don’t hide his vape if I come across it.

I know LTB is a frequent suggestion on here and sometimes unnecessary. But I hope you will not exclude that as an option. You say he is working on his tendency to be controlling but whatever he is doing isn’t working. He isn’t making an off the cuff comment without thinking, he is physically stopping you doing something. That takes thought. He has decided his opinion about vaping overrides yours and that it’s ok for him to physically restrict behaviour of yours that he wants to stamp out.

Hopefully, he won’t increase his control over you, but controlling people often gradually increase their control. It’s the boiling a frog thing. That’s how so many women wake up one day and wonder who they are now and how their lives have become a nightmare

i think it's clear that your vaping is giving him the ick. Hiding it is miserable. Ye just need to dump each other

Hate vapes and all smoking but he sounds rubbish

You are bu to even consider staying in this relationship. I would have bloody flipped the first time and it would have been over instantly. Can't you see how wrong this all is?

Dump.

🤣

This is clearly a dumpable offence. Hiding your stuff? Like some sort of petualant controlling child. If your DP doesnt' like you vaping they can speak to you about it and they can eventually leave you over it if it is a deal breaker but nagging you and hiding your stuff is not a mature way of dealing with it it is infantile and controlling. BIG RED FLAG