New partner hiding my vape

Jeezo, controlling much? It’s your vape just now, what’s next? Your clothes, your friends, what you eat, etc..? Get rid op, this will only get worse.

Yeah, YANBU. He's an absolute dick. I don't think you can confidently go ahead with the relationship, because it's a massive red flag regarding his controlling behaviours. He thinks this is acceptable, even if you sort this out there'll be other issues he bosses you on. Run, don't walk.

That said, you're either addicted to your vape or you're not. And if you're not, why vape? Because I'm with the guy you're seeing - vaping gives me the major ick. I wouldn't hide it from you or anyone - I just wouldn't even date anyone that vapes.

Run, don't walk.

Red flags all over this, OP.

Is part of the issue that you told him when you first met him that you hardly use it, just the odd social occasion, when actually its something you do like and enjoy and im guessing use more frequently than you'd like to admit?

He shouldnt be going about it the way he is, but is there a chance he feels you misled him about how much you vape?

So you were an untidy, heavy drinker, that blared music in your car. And when you had enough of the critiscm you binge drank one afternoon and dumped him?

OP - if your partner used their words and said ‘look, vaping is a no for me, we should ends things’ what would your response be?

I think most people are missing OP took up vaping over 7 months after they started dating, knowing he hated it when she did so.

He should have dumped her when she took it up rather than trying to hide it, but probably like her didn't want the otherwise good relationship to end.

It's not like eating cake or drinking fizzy pop. Vaping is proven to be really bad for your health, particularly someone with asthma fgs. OP taking up vaping is more akin to drinking alcohol excessively or taking up drugs. Partners won't like it, for me it would be a deal breaker. OP can chose her vape over relationships if she wants (because there will be a large number of people that will not tolerate being with a vaper, not just this chap), but the fact OP has her head in the sand about how awful vaping is for her asthma is worrying.

Of course it’s controlling! He’s hiding your possessions in your house and laughing about it.

He has every right to an opinion on smoking or vaping or whatever, but he does not have the right to stop you from doing it. He either accepts it or leaves the relationship. Which is what you should be doing: his behaviour will get a lot worse if you live together.

It’s rubbish ending a relationship, but you deserve better.

I can’t see a bun fight. Just countless posters who can see how controlling your partner is.
You’re just sticking your head in the sand.

My partner vapes, I'm not a fan (it is better than smoking though and the vapes helped him quit) but id never hide his vape. It's his and I'm not a crazy controlling person. I never hid his cigarettes either and I really didn't like that!

The fact that you have said there are other red flags should be making you reconsider this relationship.

Everyone saying you should break up with your partner over this but equally I think your partner neds to really consider whether they should break up with you. You seem to being a bit childish over this, your partner more so. They clearly hate vaping and find it a massive turn off and just want you to quit. But you enjoy it it apparently helps you and you don't want to quit.

You need to sit down together like adults and work out whether this is a deal breaker or not, or one or both of you needs to compromise. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who finds something you enjoy a turn off, and do they really want to be so turned off in a relationship they are resorting to childish behaviour?

Definitely a dumping offence on its own, without the other red flags you've mentioned.. what are they by the way?

I had a boyfriend years that would make comments on my drinking, tidying and level of loudness music in my car.
One day I stayed over at his house and on the sunday I got so fed up with his comments I bought two bottles of red wine drank them to myself all afternoon, dumped him and went home (on the train). I never answered his calls after that.
This sounds very similar. If you don't get rid of him now, you will eventually. So stop wasting time.

This is the male version of the woman on another thread wanting to control her husband drinking fizzy drink and eating cake.

No one should try to control what someone else does (not in general, I'm of course not referring to abuse, that's a different issue altogether).

He needs to either put up with it or stop being in a relationship with you.

Start hiding something of his. And when he winges tell him you don't like him doing it.

Control control control control control control control

This is outrageous. If your partner doesnt like you vaping then she or he should not be hiding the bloody thing. They need to decide whether or not they want to be with someone who vapes.

If you vaping is a deal breaker for her or him then fair enough. She/he has that right. They don't have the right to hide it and try to control you.

The conversation you need to have is don't you dare pull this shit again, you complete hypocrite. Banging on about your boundaries and free will while stomping all over mine

This deserves a report on the follow up conversation. It truly just needs a bit of honesty.

It is up to your partner to decide whether they want to continue the relationship with a smoker.

If not then they can leave.

You address it by addressing it. Tell him that you like the occasional vape, and that you don't want him to hide it.

If that makes him angry then obviously, it's time to rethink the relationship.

Bloody hell I would certainly end my relationship over this!!

I would tell them to not do it again and if they did it would be over.

Why are you being so passive about this?
This is your personal property and they are coming into your home and hiding your shit.

Stop being such a wet wipe and stand up for yourself.

I don’t condone smoking, either cigarettes or vaping but it’s your body and your choice OP. Hiding your vape is controlling and coercive. Dump the twat…….but do look after your health too.

To echo others - your 'D' P knows that you vape. Yet they've chosen to be with you, knowing this and also knowing that they don't like it. But instead of having a proper chat about their fears for your health or their own dislike of the smell (which yes, does linger), they hide your vape. How in the world do they think that will pan out? You won't be able to find it, so you'll just shrug and say 'oh well, I'll never vape again then.'? Seriously?

Because never mind controlling behaviour (which it is), anyone with this childish kind of mindset wants binning. Do you think they'd do this to a heroin addict? Hide their supply because it will make them give up?