New partner hiding my vape

Irrelevant.

Erm no...... she gives up for herself not to appease him!!!

My stbexh used to hide my fags as he didnt like me smoking. I smoked when I met him so did not understand this at all. Kept saying more you go on about it, the more ill dig my heels in. Wanting and needing to stop any addiction are completely different things.

Get him to fuck.....hes a bully.

How about another take on it.
You dont need to vale and its not good for you in any shape or form.

See this as a chance to give up.
Lots of ppl don't like smoking or vaina these days.
You might end up thanking him.

Exactly and that’s all her partner had to do instead of playing these mind games.

OP probably needs to reassess her friendship as well. Why is her friend running off and informing DP of her smoking? Does she have form for trying to create drama in your relationships?

Dump them. It may be a vape now, but what happens when this partner doesn't like something you wear, or how you choose to spend money or who your friends are? This is a massive red flag. You could discuss it and let them know it's unacceptable but this is absolutely not as trivial as it seems. It's really awful behaviour from a grown man/woman.

I saw that. But he's chosen to stay after she started vaping and he's being controlling rather than set his own boundary of I don't date smokers or vapers and abide by that.

FYI OP elobrated that she didn't smoke when they met and only took it up 5 months into the relationship. That doesn't change that he has behaved childishly, but it does invalidate your 'he choose to date you anyway' arguement since OP is hiding from DP how frequently she smokes. This could affect his ability to make a fully informed decision on the relationship (perhaps he would accept a once a month smoker, but not a daily smoker).

Clearly their views on smoking don't allign, so they're better off in other relationships, but also they'd do well to be more open and honest with future partners.

You're an adult.

He knows you vape. He chose to date you anyway.

He hides your vape because he doesn't want you to vape.

You're starting to hide your vaping from him because you feel his disapproval.

Do you see the issue there?

He's trying to control your behaviour through childish methods. What gives him the right to hide something that belongs to you? Why does he think he can control your behaviour?

He can stop dating you if he can't stand the vaping.

I'd get rid of him just because he's both immature and controlling. It sounds like there's other red flags that you won't get into because you know you'd be told to run.

In a similar vein, my now ExDH hid a box of chocolates that had been given to me about a year into our relationship. He felt I shouldn’t have them as I was, in his opinion, too fat. At the time I was so young and lacking in self worth that I kinda believed him but I do remember being furious and deep down knowing it was wrong. He turned out to be a controlling bullying bastard so those posters suggesting it’s a red flag are right.

That was after you compared it other controlling behaviours and said it isn’t the same - of course it’s the same.

You wouldn’t go and hide a work colleague’s vape, so why is it acceptable to do it to someone who you’re meant to love and respect.

Did you not read the last sentence where i said their actions were controlling?

True, but when an OP on here uses they/them it’s nearly always a lesbian relationship. The split is probably about 80% lesbian relationship, 10% male OP hiding that he’s posting here, 10% OP is simply terrible at writing and everything they post is vague and confusing.

Since she’s so dismissive about it and doesn’t feel threatened by her partner’s behaviour the partner is probably another woman. That’s also an unfortunate theme on these threads.

If you put up with it he will carry on controlling you in other ways

This

Bloody hell I think vaping is grim and hate the smell and I would never dream of acting like this! Honestly dump them, if they think this is an ok way to behave over something they don’t like it will only get worse!

I think I’d tell him, look - this is who I am. You don’t get to police me, try to mould my behaviour into what you want, or hide my things in my own home. If you want to constructively help me with things [stopping vaping, reducing drinking etc] and I want that too then that’s very different. So, if you want a non-vaping partner and that’s a deal breaking issue then off you go to find one.

It absolutely IS worth ending a relationship over. Who does he think he is? He’s controlling and deals in double standards, and you say there are other red flags too..? Just no

If someone finds repulsive then they can leave the relationship.

You don’t get to control someone just because you disagree with their choices.

Having a huge row isn't the worst thing that can happen in a relationship.

Yeah. Sly as fuck. Chip away at anything that gives your victim comfort or control over their lives or stress levels.

he's a controlling knob and you two aren't compatible.
get rid (also your friend snitched on you? get rid of "friend" also)

👋🏻 I used they pronouns in my reply because gender wasn’t specified.

For me it would not matter whether it was over vaping, smoking, drinking or whatever. I do not allow others to control me in my own home. I had enough of these kinds of mind games when I was living with my parents.

Can you not see what others have pointed out so ably? The manipulative behaviour will quickly creep into other spheres. Soon it may be financial or sexual abuse. You will not notice until ite too late. The fact that you do not see these obvious red flags tells me that he has already gone far along the path of grooming you