New partner hiding my vape

It really is worth it. What will come next once he's got you to stop vaping because? will he hide your car keys because he doesn't like who you're going out with? Hide food from you because he thinks you need to lose weight? He has decided how he wants you to behave and is putting things in place to make sure you fall in to line. The fact that you think you telling him not to do it would 'cause a huge row' is also a red flag. You should be able to say to him "stop hiding my stuff. I will decide if and when I give up vaping, not you" without him getting angry, surely?!

How is he strict on boundaries and free will and hiding your vape? OK just his free will then.

There is no need for dishonesty. If he doesn't like it, he can fuck off. Op can do what she likes in her own home.

Did they know you vaped from the start of your relationship?

on one hand, I am 100% with them in that I think that vaping is disgusting, and it gives me the massive ick.
unfortunately, my partner has taken up vaping every now and then over the last couple of years.

as we are 13 years in to things, I won’t leave him over it, but he knows that when he does vape he needs to keep his distance physically.
He certainly wouldn’t vape in the house, so I’ve never come across one to hide.
he does stop, but then something stressful will happen at work and he’ll start again - instead of smoking. Which I actually think I’d prefer! 😂

Today it's the vape. In six months it will be what friends you are allowed to see. Then it will be what you wear. Where and when you go without him. What you eat. What you cook.
Of course it's worth it for a vape, you are already afraid to stand up to him about something that you choose to do IN YOUR OWN HOME!
It's not worth it = I'm a bit afraid of him when he's angry.

If you have asthma, you really shouldn’t be vaping. But it’s your choice, and he has no right to stop you by hiding it.

That's really cruel and unnecessary. More fool you for judging by appearances.

It really is worth ending the relationship for. He thinks he can tell you what to do. It will only get worse. If you don't want to end it straight away, try tit for that. Pick something he likes (favourite alcoholic drink maybe) say you hate the smell and hide it.

agreed. You will end it sooner or later anyway because he's a controlling arse, and then you will wish that you'd ended it sooner. Just saying.

But it's not hiding the vape that's the worst issue, it's that they think their wants, needs and preferences trump yours! How dare anyone do that to you? It won't stop here. My ex was like this and I used to find books I collected in the recycling boxes!

Please get away from them, it's a great big sign of things to come.

He shouldn’t hide it. But, vaping is hugely unattractive, chavvy and anyone who does it looks desperate.

But it's not hiding the vape that's the worst issue, it's that they think their wants, needs and preferences trump yours! How dare anyone do that to you? It won't stop here. My ex was like this and I used to find books I collected in the recycling boxes!

Please get away from them, it's a great big sign of things to come.

This is absolutely worth ending a relationship over.

You say "DP, i like vaping. Im not stopping. You knew i vaped/social smoked. Dont hide my stuff again or we'll have a problem"

Have a blast of your vape at the end in place of a full stop. Then follow up with 2 cigs.

You've said there are red flags already...this is another one!
Dump him and your shifty friend!

You said there are other red flags…

Dump. This is controlling. This will not be the only thing they control over, there will be other things, it’s just you might not notice if they are more subtle about it.

(After a year, it could simply be that they thought that just telling you they didn’t like smoking / vaping would be enough to make you stop because they expected their preference to be your priority. They’ve just taken it up a notch because you didn’t change your behaviour the way they expected. Think back, have you changed any other behaviours to meet their preferences?)

YABU. You need to separate. You are clearly incompatible and he is over-stepping with hiding your stuff.

End it.

Disrespectful and controlling.

But why should she? She's still the same person and nobody has the right to tell her what to do.

Is this a serious suggestion?

@Cantbloodyrememberthenameonthread it's not the vaping. Its the controlling behaviour, boldness so early on and boundary stomping.

This person won't improve magically with your love as time goes on. They know what they are doing and they don't care how you feel.

Major red flags 🚩 End it now before you get too emotionally invested and start making excuse after excuse. This behaviour will leech out into other areas where they will seek to control you and 'mould' you in ways that will stop you being yourself as time goes on.

Dump now. Save yourself early.

And ditch the grass of a friend too unless they were hoping to spark off something that led to you dumping them because they can see what a controlling arse your P is