New partner hiding my vape

I thought OP was using 'they' as in the partner and the friend. So the partner and the friend 'pulled' op up on vape use the next day and hid the vape.

I don’t see the point of the silly “they “ game. It’s not exactly outing if the partner is male or female

Phew, I’m so glad someone came along to explain what this whole thread is about.

Think you have very little self respect. Couple of years from now when you have no friends and your allowed out once a month, maybe you'll remember this thread.

other red flags which you ae choosing to ignore and you are working on this? Please for the love of the wee man dump this controlling arse.

So you met this person about a year ago.
When you met, you were both non-smokers,
And now you've decided to become a part-time smoker (vaping, smoking, social, whatever. You're a smoker.)
And your partner (who doesn't live with you) has been taking and hiding your vape.
And you say they haven't done anything else that's super suspicious/redflag but this pisses you off and you're wondering if it's just the beginning of a controlling relationship?
And your partner knows that you have asthma and choose to vape anyway (yeah I know that you say The vaping actually helps your asthma but I volunteer with the lung association, no, vaping does not help asthma... If you say that it does because of the long deep breathing, maybe practice long deep breathing without adding toxic chemicals to your already compromised lungs and bronchials?)

If this partner's been great to you and every other way but they've been hiding your smoke, and you don't like it, it is possible that they really are doing this because they like you and they just don't like the fact that you have out of the blue decided to become a smoker.
They could be worried about your health because they know you have asthma plus all the other reasons why it's bad.
And they didn't sign on to date a smoker. I wouldn't.

Are they treating you like a child?
Is this the beginning of other controlling aspects that they'll try to do to you?
Maybe
If you don't care for the way this person is acting, then end the relationship and hopefully your next relationship will be with somebody else who smokes and then you won't have this problem.

😂😂😂😂

Op wasnt vaping at the start of the relationship. This is new.

I wouldnt date a smoker or vaper. They are being ridiculous hiding the vape rather than just ending the relationship.

Not everyone. Quite a few of us have not.

Easily done, majority of posters on here complain about men and leave the bastards apparently.

The OP has been at pains to avoid mentioning partner's Gender, yet everyone assumes it's a Dude 😁

Of course it's controlling! How could it be anything else? But either you like it or you don't like it . . .

Fuck me. He’s not your dad.

Of course it’s worth ending a relationship over. It’s controlling unacceptable behaviour.

If he hates vaping, then he shouldn’t have started a relationship with someone who vapes.

What else would you accept him telling you you’re not allowed to do?

OP states her partner is very good with their own boundaries, they sound pretty immovable. They just prefer not to respect the OPs.

You need to break up. He isn’t ok with the vaping, nor should he need to compromise on that issue.

he also lacks the relationship skills to admit and firmly state his boundaries and instead resorts to subterfuge.

you will never have a healthy relationship.

What on earth are you talking about.

I said i didnt agree with vaping being the same as drinking or other such activities. Point made as i find vaping absolutely vile and not comparable socially to someone drinking..

THEN i made the point that i agreed that the partner in this example was being controlling about hiding the vape. I havent got a clue how you are jumping to such conclusions.

It absolutely 100% worth ending a relationship over.

It’s not about the vape, it’s about them controlling you, and trying to dictate your choices.

I don’t like vaping very much, but I’d never hide someone else’s vape as it’s their choice.

It’s also the thin end of the wedge. Abusers will often start their controlling behaviour with something that’s objectively unhealthy - whether vaping, food choices, an activity or whatever - as it’s so easy to justify. “Oh well it’s bad for you so he’s probably looking out for your health” or “oh well it is a bit of a disgusting habit”.

Then it turns into dictating other choices, until you’re used to never using your own free will.

Have the big row. This is an enormous overstep from your partner. And to do this multiple times? Ugh. Yes have the big row and watch carefully for next steps.

I am no fan of vaping but this controlling behaviour needs to stop right now.

🤣

So, you’re in your own house vaping and he gets the titty lip on so badly that he hides it? I’d make that room look like an episode of ‘stars in their eyes’ and say ‘tonight Matthew I’m going to be single’

That’s taking the spin on positivity to incredulous levels imvho.

Jesus Christ, just dump this little shit already, woman!

I'd get rid op.

That's very controlling behaviour

it you’re wondering how to address it without it causing a huge row - ie how to appease him because he will become enraged at your boundary or being criticised -that is your MASSIVE red flag right there.