To wonder whether people ever think about the friends they ghosted or dropped for no reason, especially when they did it badly or hurtfully?

There is a difference though. I’ve lost touch with other friends, and of course people naturally drift in and out of your life, that’s not what I mean by ghosting.

The friend that I referred to previously was (I thought) one of my best friends. We went from being in very regular contact to suddenly not replying to messages, not answering calls. Declining invitations etc.

Now obviously something happened, but I genuinely have no idea what. There were no arguments, disagreements, not a single cross word. Our last message exchange wasn’t about anything controversial.

We didn’t “lose touch” she suddenly cut me off.

Which she is of course entirely entitled to do. But it was baffling and hurtful at the time and I do still feel sad about it.

You can’t apologise to someone if you have no idea at all what they are upset about.

or maybe people just move on, I would say it is only the people who have issues think it is ghosting the people who just move on do just that, I have never sent a dramatic end text in mu life I move on from people they move on from me life is only a soap opera if you make it one

what is one person's ''ghosting'' is another's losing touch, it seems only recently people need to stick a label on it

I worked with a group of women some years ago and we all got along great (or so I thought) when one of them was told that she was going to be moved to another location about 10 miles away she was devastated, cried, threatened to leave the company etc. I agreed to go in her place as my circumstances meant that I had no children at the time and I felt our friendship was worth my sacrifice. We still all met up for coffee’s and drinks during the year and when I got married they came to my wedding. My husband also worked in a trade and they were very happy to contact me when they wanted a little job doing. I have 2 boys one of them with a disability and after the second was born I left the company and went self employed to manage my time better as my son had lots of hospital appointments. We still stayed in touch and met up. Sadly my lovely husband had a serious illness when the boys were still small and life became very busy, the next Christmas one of the women called me and in a very hurried conversation said that they had been talking and decided to stop swapping Christmas cards with no mention of a Christmas meet up that year, but she would be in touch in the new year and we’d all have a lovely catch up then. Needless to say I didn’t hear anything until about 8 years later when the same woman called me by accident that conversation was a bit squirmy.

I’ve done it, usually because I’ve felt things have run their course. With one person it was endless bitching and negativity about other people . I wasn’t innocent - I joined in but realised it wasn’t what I wanted to do or be.
another - she found a partner and stopped making any effort with me.

Not ghosted anyone as I do think it is cowardly but have ended friendships before. That said we would both have known the reasons. I was quite literally ghosted by someone I was once close to and I found out the actual reason years later and it was a lie someone told about me but looking back the friendship was not sustainable anyway as I seriously cannot BEAR a woman who she is close to and she would always invite us both to things so I guess it was a win for me in the end but I was sad at the time that she did not even think enough of me back then to just spit out the issue.

I think some people deal with their own troubles by getting rid of possessions, moving, changing careers, dumping whole belief systems, ghosting their family members, and yes also ditching their friends.

I was dumped by my closest friend of over 30 years. We stayed very good friends as she went through two drastic career changes, moved to a new country, moved house several times, dumped her brother, her father and her mother (no abuse involved), dumped numerous friends, and adopted and abandoned some very drastic philosophies of living. Somehow the two of us had remained very close through all of it, until I got ditched. It is her way of coping with life and moving on.

I don't know why almost everyone on this thread seems to think: 'if you have been dumped by a friend, then they have a reason, and you should look at yourself closely'.
The reason is often that the dumper deals with life's challenges by throwing relationships away and starting fresh.

I do think people ghost / fade away because they either think the fight that could come from telling you why they no longer want to be your friend would be hurtful and upsetting- often to them. Or because they don’t think any good would come from telling you, that you won’t listen/change so what’s the point when they could just stop responding and not give energy to the argument. If telling you why they are disappearing from your life won’t change anything- you won’t change your behaviour and they won’t be your friend afterwards, what would be the point?

For me, I think I fade away from friends when our friendship just gets very reduced.. like, we used to have kids that played together and over the years it’s just become coffee shop dates, it’s boring.
lve just been blocked on fb. By a very long term friend, because I got exasperated by her constant complaints and touchiness. She couldn’t handle any conflict with me at all, and clearly it wasn’t worth it to her to try to resolve it. I don’t mind, it shows I wasnt worth much to her, fair enough. She herself has been ghosted by a very close friend and had “ no idea why”……
I think you have to love a friend to work through life’s phases with them, and most friendships don’t spark that level of engagement.

I had friends who were boundary bullies that I had to ghost. I was getting nowhere trying to be accommodated in the relationship, it was always about them. Life is too short.

I also think we expect too much from friends, most are not our ‘ride or dies’. I’m more content in friendships now I lower expectations and enjoy companion for what it is.

I had a friend who I haven’t seen for over a year and I am not sure who ghosted who. I think I was the last one to suggest meeting up and she said she was busy so perhaps she ghosted me.

I would say that I don’t see her any more because, no matter what happens, we always talk about her problems. She is perpetually in a crisis and I’ve run out of juice. Plus I don’t want to talk about politics in the way she does - but she keeps coming back to stuff about Israel.

She would say that I have pulled away from her when she needed help and that I refuse to engage in rigorous political discussions.

I suspect that I give this person a lot more thought than she has given me.

I stand by the saying that friends come for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

I’ve found many people are conflict avoidant, and will sooner ghost someone than say ‘I find that thing you talk about really irritating’ or ‘I don’t enjoy going to XYZ’.

I ghosted a friend from school over an issue that on the face of it was quite trivial, but it was in line with her shitty behaviour that I’d tolerated over the years so I decided it wasn’t worth the hassle anymore, even for a 10+ year friendship. If it had happened on another day I might have been more upfront about it or not ghosted, but on that occasion I blocked her and haven’t been in contact since. I discovered afterwards that she had something going on which would partly explain her part in the last incident (I imagine she told our mutual friends that I was the heartless person who cut her off when she was going through something), but realised it was still the final straw and not just an isolated case. A mutual friend told me of similarly poor behaviour she’d received from the same person so I felt validated, and the wider friend group disbanded anyway in our 30s.

Most people who I could maybe say ghosted me, with the benefit of hindsight it was more a case of being friends for a reason or a season, so the passage of time with changing jobs, having kids, simply evolving and it has been more of a drift than a ghosting.

I think what happens quite often is that one party think it’s drifted apart naturally and the other party think it’s ghosting.

I don't think drifting away is the same as ghosting though.

Ive been ghosted by three people. One was a friend of some 15 years. We had a difference (which seemed trivial at the time) but was never able to repair it. The other two (uni friends) just sort of drifted away because they lived in different parts of the country. We all moved on with our lives.

The only person I have ever deliberately ghosted was a very needy neighbour who lived in the next street. I did a favour for her and as they say no good deed goes unpunished. I soon found myself her unofficial PA, doing her shopping and life admin. She would come around one or two afternoons a week while I was WAH and natter for hours. Eventually I told her I had started a new job and the uni wanted us in the office 5 days a week. I also took a 3 week holiday which broke the rhythm. She never went out in the dark so I was able to avoid her. She did try wandering round once or twice but I did not answer the door. I didnt feel guilty because she had a grown up son at home to do the practical stuff. It was just more convenient having another woman to rely on. Eventually they moved away.

Exactly the same. Ghosted at different times. I think her friends are suitable at different times of her life and she moves on.
Sometimes another ghosted friend will ask me have I heard anything (no is the answer) which makes me think she picks up friebds along the way (all of us met her in one place say and I was the last to be ghosted).

I have done it (twice) and yes I do look back. For the first friend, I think about her often ans have thought about getting back in touch but I think it would be selfish of me, it’s been over 30 years. The other ‘friend’, I do think about but have zero interest in getting back in touch. 2 very different scenarios and reasons for me dropping contact though.

It's true that there's always a reason, but it doesn't have to be a good reason as others have said. And you might never know what the reason is.

Some people grow apart - change in attitude, or in priorities. Whatever it is, the reasons for being friends aren't as strong, and so the friendship ends.

It's hard, but you can't force someone to stay your friend. Learn what you can from it, and do your best going forward.

Take care.

I have ‘moved on’ from friends in the way that you might outgrow people from school, work colleagues that I have been close to or just drifted apart from. Often circumstances change, our lives and interests have moved apart. No ill will behind it, just occurred naturally and lost contact for me anyway, so no I don’t think ‘that wasn’t fair’.

I do sometimes think about people no longer in my life fondly but on occasion when people have gotten in touch years later I haven’t wanted to meet up to rekindle as I am a different person now- I do feel a little mean about that but?? I don’t owe them anything or have space in my life for them?!

I think it was Mel Robbins who said in her book ‘Let them’ that there are different types of friends and not all are meant to be in your life forever. Would be worth a read if you are struggling with people who you have lost contact with to help understand it.

Hi

Yes, i think about this person sometimes. I hope they are well and i do feel guilty but at the same time; im pleased this person is no longer in my life

They really brought me down

This.

No I haven't felt like that because ive ghosted them for a reason. The relationship was too toxic to even have a sensible conversation about distance and boundaries.

I'm currently in the process of ghosting a "friend". I'm pretty sure I have good reasons and there's no point sharing the reason with her, I've spoken to her about it before and she just doesn't change.

I don't actually care if anyone else feels my reasoning is valid - I don't owe anyone friendship and a friendship that is causing me stress/ upset/ hurt/ frustration on the long term, isn't really a friendship is it?

I heavily suspect she'll think I had "no reason".

Ive never ghosted a friend but I have lost touch with people over the years, some of which I regret, others not so much 😆

A close, old friend ghosted me. I was extremely sad about it for a long time but, looking back, she’d done the same to other friends. Now it’s just awkward because mutual friends ask me how she is and I have to say I don’t know, the last time she replied to one of my messages was in 2020.